Monday, August 20, 2007


I spent the night in the emergency room awhile back with an apparent heart attack. But after all the tests, nothing. They could not tell me what it was. They did say it wasn't a physical heart attach.

I did some research online and the only thing I could come up with (same symptoms, experience) was a heart chakra opening. Since then I've had a lot of Kundalini  experiences. They are strange, and are not related to any outside cause. Something internal is going on.

My right arm has been itching like crazy. It wakes me up every night and I have to put on Calamine lotion. The itching is not just on the surface, but all the way into the muscle. Along with this is a sensation like a string, thin as a spider's web, crawling up my arm very fast.

For the last week I've had very tense shoulders and a stiff neck. There is a pressure, very strong at the base of my neck, and my head feels like it is going to explode. Not a headache that is acute, but the sensation of pressure. Intense, pressure, like my head is more full than the skull can contain. There is a fogginess, a spaciness that accompanies this.

If it is Kundalini, I don't know, but here are the sensations I had:

Kundalini sensations I have had.

1. Cramping of my big toes. Severe cramping where my toe pulls in or out. This happens in the night and it does wake me up.

2. Dreams have been very different. Not related to day to day activities.

3. Severe burning in my right arm. The burning seems to be in the muscle itself, but then expresses on the skin in small bumps, randomly spread over my upper arm. This wakes me up at night, but does not bother me much during the day.

The scratching I've done has broken the skin and looks like sores, but not severe. The itching is so intense that I have kept a bottle of Caladryl by my bed. I put it on when I wake up, and it soothes the itch enough to let me go back to sleep. However, the itch seems to be in the arm muscle, inside the muscle, not just on the skin.

4. I feel energy in my legs. Enough to keep me awake or wake me up. I purposely tense my legs and release, tense and release. This seems to dissipate the energy and I can return to sleep. One morning I felt very sore in the calves which indicates that the cramping and releasing I had been doing was quite strong.

5. I have felt tremendous pressure in my head. Like my head was over full of something, but I can't tell what. It's a pressure, like the brain is filling up with something beyond its capacity to hold it.

6. The back of my neck, at the base of my skull, near the spine, and my upper shoulders are very stiff when I wake up. Gets better during the day, but then returns after a night sleep.

7. My eyes seem not to work right. They don't seem to want to focus.

8. I've had some itching on the top of my scalp, but not severe like in my right arm.

9. Wake up in the morning not feeling rested. Head very spacey. Feel like I've come from a different world. Like my body didn't want to work.

10. Had a lot of cold sensation, like I just can't get warm. With all the various sensations, I've wondered if I should go back to the doctor. But since they found nothing after the heart chakra opening, don't think they would know anything about what was going on with me.

11. Had sensations of my stomach being bloated. The tiredness made me want to eat and I put on some weight - stomach protruding.

12. Sometimes hear a ringing, buzzing sort of sound in my ears. Not often.

13. Boated stomach, like there is something there filling it up and pushing it out. It is not from overeating.

The Bread of Life

The other night I had this dream. I find myself alone in a strange town. I am walking down what seems to be a lane of shops in the center. I don't know the town, or anyone in it. I have no money. I am hungry. I see a bread shop and I go in. I don't know if I will get any food, but I have no choice but to ask.

There is a man behind the counter. I ask him what kind of bread he has. He says, "We only serve one kind of bread here, "The Bread of Life." I ask him how much a loaf costs.
"Five dollars."

I tell him I have no money. I turn to walk away, but when I get close to the door, the man says, "I'll give you a loaf. I go back to the counter and he gives me the loaf. It is close to round, but slightly oval. It is a yellow golden color. It has a glaze coating. It is a heavy loaf.
I break into it, eating it with my fingers. It is sweat, yellow, and somewhat like Pound Cake. I eat the whole loaf. I am satisfied.

Now, this is symbolic dream. I've been having them a lot lately. I haven't read the Bible in a number of years, and certainly haven't read or heard the term in recent days. So, what does this mean?

I Googled the phrase and found this: The Sermon of the Bread of Life, or the Bread of Heaven.

Chapter 6 of The Gospel of John, the Sermon of the Bread of Life, where Jesus promises us our daily bread, to live on earth this beautiful life in Christ as a wedding feast, to have eternal life, and to help others to do so.

"Jesus said t them: I am the bread of of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty" (6:35). Then the Jews murmured about him because he said I am the bread of life", and they said, "Is not this Jesus, the son of Joseph?... and then the Jews quarreled among themselves, saying, "How can this man give us his flesh to eat? (6:35-2)...

And when the Jews were disputing this, Jesus did not take a word out of it, rather, he repeats 6 times to them: "Very truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood have eternal life, and I will raise them up on the last day; for my flesh is true food and my blood is true drink. Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood abide in me, and I in them...." In 6:52-58, repeats it 6 times in different ways!.

47 Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.

48 I am that bread of life.

49 Your fathers did eat manna in the wilderness, and are dead.

50 This is the bread which cometh down from heaven, that a man may eat thereof, and not die.

51 I am the living bread which came down from heaven: if any man eat of this bread, he shall live for ever: and the bread that I will give is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.

52 The Jews therefore strove among themselves, saying, How can this man give us his flesh to eat?

53 Then Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink his blood, ye have no life in you.

54 Whoso eateth my flesh, and drinketh my blood,hath eternal life; and I will raise him up at the last day.

For me, Jesus was a non dual teacher. He spoke in metaphors and allegories. When he speaks of the "bread of life," he is speaking of the ultimate truth. To know what he knows, and to experience the truth, one has to go thru what he went thru, risk what he risked. He is speaking of the search for truth, to the bitter dregs, to the dissolution of the ego, the only true death one can experience.

Do we take the eating of his flesh and drinking of his blood as literal? No. He is speaking in terms of "walking in his shoes." You can know this for sure by the statements he made immediately following, "abide in me, and I in them." This is non dual reality. Non dual experience. We know from other statements that "I and the Father are one." And "I am in you, you are in me, and we are all in the Father."

I would like to think that the dream I had is telling me that I am about to go thru the dissolution of my ego. Scary as that is. Years ago I went thru a considerable amount of ego dissolution, but I have more to go. Perhaps the dream is telling me, get ready, GET READY.