Enlightenment For No One

I-I and Waking Up

2012-01-23T22:08:00.002-06:00

Of someone who was complaining about being unable to obtain enlightenment, Ramana Maharshi said, "He is concentrating on the reflection and complains that he cannot see the original." This is of course the common human condition. Fortunately, few are concerned with this and lead beautifully ignorant lives.

Anyone reading this blog is not likely to be such a one. You are, I am sure, quite knowledgeable of the fact that you are awareness and not the reflection. Ramana referred to the Self as the I-I. For a long time I thought that was some mysterious mystical thing, or perhaps a miss use of language.

It seems however that Ramana was simply showing that duality was only apparent; that reality was non dual. The I-I refers to the ultimate reality and the reflection of that in the person. Perhaps it might be better stated as I-i. But that would then indicate a difference where there really isn't one.

The other night I was dreaming and got really bored. I just couldn't listen to another word that was being said. I laid my head down and fell asleep. I was immediately awake in my bed. This really left an impression on me. I kept saying to myself, "You fell asleep in your dream and you woke up!" I had never had this experience before. I was far more familiar with going to sleep and dreaming. It never occurred to me that if I went to sleep in a dream I would wake up. It was rather stunning.

In a dream last night I picked up a book and realized it was my autobiography. I was surprised to see that it was complete and in print. The thought crossed my mind that my publisher would want to know, and would want to promote it. But I had no inclination to do so. I did not want to contact the publisher, nor did I need to make money from it. The completion was real, There was nothing more to be done. It was complete! Complete is complete, and there was nothing more I wanted from it.

It might be interesting here to note that my dreaming has increased significantly since I started doing T'ai Chi Chih. I thought I was just getting into a light physical exercise, but T'ai Chi Chih is about enlightenment. It is about opening and balancing the Chi. T'ai Chi Chih means Ultimate Supreme Knowledge. Rather synchronous with my life for the last thirty years.

Apparently moving and balancing the vital force affects the mind. How could it not? The mind affects the body, why not the reverse? I suspect that as blocked energy channels opened and energy flowed in new ways, old channels in the mind had to move as well. To deal with the change in flow, my subconscious seems to have gotten really busy catching up.

Interesting times.

Three States - One Reality

2011-12-15T22:24:00.001-06:00

The waking state is the ego looking out and experiencing the world. For most of humanity the ego assumes that it is the doer, enjoying or suffering experience.

The dream state is the unconscious projecting its position via dream symbols and a story line. Dreams are different from the waking experience because the ego position is dormant, or only a partial player. The ego is not in charge of the dream state.

In deep dreamless sleep the ego is dormant and the unconscious is dormant. In this state there is true rest as the mind is absent.

Awareness is present in all these states. How do we know that awareness is present in deep sleep? There are two answers. One is that upon awakening one knows that one had deep restful sleep. The other answer, which seems to be the better one, is that if a loud noise or other external event occurs, one is immediately awake. If awareness were not present, one would not hear or feel the event and one would remain asleep.

When examined closely, it becomes clear that awareness is the background of all these states. Deep sleep is the best representation for awareness as potential; the blank screen on which the waking and dream states play out their scenes.

As soon as any experience appears in the waking or dream state, the object becomes conscious. Thus awareness becomes consciousness. Sometimes awareness is described as "pure consciousness."

Awareness is the primal fact, the holder of all potential experience, the vessel in which all consciousness is contained. Since anything one can experience is consciousness, one can say that "all is consciousness." Yet all consciousness is contained in, or dependent on, awareness.

For this reason, when one identifies with awareness, all experience is but a show, characters on a screen. One then wears the world lightly. The world is just a garment one lays down easily, without regret. It's like a movie. When the show is over, there is no dismay at leaving the theater.

Awareness is primary. That is what one is. Awareness doesn't suffer. Examine how one knows experience and see if you are not awareness. "That thou art. Now you have become peace.

Thinking is a Thorny Issue.

2011-09-05T01:52:00.004-05:00

Thinking is a thorny issue. Sometimes our thinking drives us crazy. Sometimes we like our thoughts - enjoy them immensely. When thoughts are driving us crazy we want to be rid of them, but that does not seem to be possible. If we could control our thoughts we might come to like them very much. But they seem to have the run of the house, "My thoughts ran away with me."

If one accidentally steps on a thorn and it pierces deeply into your flesh, it hurts. You hate the thorn and its effect. But if there is nothing available but more thorns, you use another thorn to remove the first one. This metaphor speaks to the problem of thought.

Thought is a thorn when it has its way, worrying and tormenting. But, like using a thorn to remove a thorn, right thought, true thought, removes worries and fears. Tormenting thought can be removed by true thought. Untrue thoughts are the enemy, not thought per se.

True thoughts, used as pointers, remove untrue thought. True thoughts can be discovered because they bring peace. True thought brings light into the dark. The untrue is then seen as the dark that light disperses.

True thoughts dismantle false thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions. The mountain of untrue thoughts which seemed insurmountable begins to dissipate. At some point, the mountain is no more. One beholds few or no thoughts. There comes a time when even true thoughts are no longer needed.

There is only peace and silence as all that is.

The problem of first cause

2011-08-24T17:58:00.003-05:00

Obviously the big bang does not answer the question of first cause. The big bang is just the evidence perceivable to science -- the first measurable evidence of a beginning.

There must be an energy that is not measurable currently by science. That energy is that which spiritual traditions call the "Unmanifest." As unmanifested, it is outside of time. A reality that does not have a beginning, or an end.

For example, in the experiments where paired particles are separated by thousands of miles, a change in the spin of one particle is immediately reflected in the spin of its separated twin. This happens faster than the speed of light. Faster than any measurable time.

So we have evidence of power, or energy, that is not currently measurable by science. That this energy is not perceivable by science does not equal its non existence.

This unmanifested power is the first cause. Spiritual traditions have called it God. Although difficult to describe in linear terms, it is knowable. The mystics of all ages have proclaimed intimate knowledge of this power. It is the underlying reality, the first cause of all that exists.

The Eastern spiritual traditions have called the manifest world "Maya," which is described as illusion, or the apparently real. It does exist, it is measurable, but it is not the ultimate reality.

If you define reality as that which never changes, one can begin to see it as the screen on which everything appears. Reality is the unchanging screen and first cause of all that apparently exists. The operating principle for the screen is awareness. That awareness allows anything and everything to be experienced, or known. What we are aware of we call consciousness.

The conclusion is that unmanifested source, call it God, is the first and only cause. Awareness is the knowing principle of source which underlies all knowing. Science itself knows only via awareness, and therefore must bow to the reality of the unchanging unmanifest source as the ultimate reality.

Who is Hiding the Light

2011-08-21T20:35:00.000-05:00

Who is hiding the light? You are - with your thoughts, your feelings, your prejudices, your likes and dislikes. You are the clouds hiding the sun.

You could think of clouds as being opinions, emotions, reactivity. These impositions form the clouds of ignorance that hide the light.

The light is love, for it accepts all things. It shines on the so-called good, and the so-called bad alike. It doesn't discriminate.

But you discriminate. You judge. You don't accept. You hide the light with your personal drama, forming the clouds that obscure the light.

No one is hiding the light from you. The clouds are of your own making. The clouds are nothing but your own ignorance, obscuring the light.

Ignorance is simply putting your own spin on things. And the clouds will persist as long you insist on maintaining your own spin on things.

But the world is not here to be according to your likes and dislikes. It is what it is. The best you can do is clear away your ignorance by stepping aside.

The light is simply Awareness. You, as a body-mind, are but a reflecting focal point of that awareness. And you are experiencing according to your likes and dislikes.

Ignorance will keep you in the darkness as long as you insist on believing things should be as you expect. But sun is shinning.

The light is Awareness. It has the potential to experience any and all things. Any like or dislike, any emotion, good or bad, all is fodder for the light.

Enough suffering will get you to take a look at why the clouds are forming, and why they remain. Do you ever wonder what would remove them?

Knowledge of who, or rather what, you really are, will dissipate the clouds. As Awareness, you know the body-mind, but as Awareness, you are not the body-mind.

As Awareness, I experience the body-mind, but I am not the body-mind. The body-mind is an appearance only. From this knowledge dispassion arises, and freedom is known.

When you see that you are not the body-mind, but pure Awareness itself, the clouds will dissapate. The light will shine, as it always has, And you are free.

Not of This World

2011-08-15T00:03:00.000-05:00

How well I do in the world and how contented I am, has nothing to do with the world at all. For the world is an effect, the result of a dream. What goes on in here, the silence creates. The world is but an out-picturing of choices made.

A contentment covers all, not touched by what appears. And what seems uncalled for, really was called. I would have known it, had I been paying attention. A lesson to be learned.

Where I am unconscious, still I create. Any suffering is to be listened to. How did I call it into being? From the silence, where all things originate.

We may look for cause and effect here, but it comes from there.

I do not live in the same world as you, because we see different, and call out different. Awareness brings light, and with it, what was called is seen. It is all effect. I know not to turn away.

Contentment seems uncaused. It is not of this world. It came from intention, surrender, and manifests here. How sweet to see myself here, reflected in the mirror.

The Natural State

2011-08-14T10:45:00.000-05:00

"I determine nothing; I do not comprehend things; I suspend judgment; I examine." In his essays he compared primitive society to civilized society and found that natural society surpasses what man has wrought in many respects, that "pre-civilized man is possessed of natural virtues which civilization has obscured, perverted, or destroyed ..."

~Michel Eyquem de Montaigne

Many call enlightenment "The Natural State." We might say that the natural state is the state prior to the original sin, which was the knowledge of Good and Evil, or judgment. To judge without suspending belief even for a moment, is the royal road to your own private mental prison.

The sages speak of discernment, not of judgment or condemnation. To see without judgment opens vast vistas of uncharted territory. To be in that open space is a joy, a relief, a contentment.

Discernment enables a quality of being which is able to grasp and comprehend that which is obscure. That which is obscure, has simply been covered up. It would be helpful to take care with our thoughts, looking at them from a space that suspends judgment. It is a means of seeing the truth.

The "Natural State" implies something that was always there -- before it got covered up.

The human condition seems to be one in which we are born into obscuration, the original error, a process of judgment which quickly veils the Natural State. Our judgments may help the body survive, but it is the royal road to suffering.

If we could take every act of perceiving and hold it without judgment, we might be able to discern what is usually missed. Suspending our own prejudices opens a door to pristine territory.

Our lack of discernment leads to disastrous choices. At minimum it leads to an unexamined life. Socrates said "An unexamined life is not worth living." Yet the Natural State is eternal and the fear of death is undone.

A lack of discernment may result in the inability to know a true friend -- to be a true friend to ourself. A lack of discernment leads to the failure to see who we really are. Who among us knows the Natural State?

Enlightenment is the Natural State. It can only be discovered. It is not new, it is not alien. That is why when the Natural State occurs, it is known as coming home.

Surrender Leaves Nothing But Love

2011-08-10T20:54:00.000-05:00

This body is here and I am well aware of it, but I am not this body. I have a body. It is not the same body I had years ago, so it is obvious that it is not who I am.

And this personality that I seem to be stuck with is here, but it is not who I am. It used to be different, not so subtle, more critical, and not as forgiving as it is now - both of self and others.

No matter where I look I don't seem to be able to pinpoint myself. Where am I but everywhere?

No perfection in this bodymind from the human perspective, yet perfection is here and all around.

Surrender leaves nothing but love. Can't you feel it?

Abide as yourself

2011-05-13T23:56:00.001-05:00

As a particular body-mind expressing yourself at the highest level of truth currently known, you serve the world. You do not need to go on adventures to find a better place to express yourself. Right here, right now is good enough.

At the highest expression of consciousness you are capable, be yourself now, here, where you are, This is all you need do. Going around anxiously trying to change the world abruptly expresses disgrace.

Wherever you find yourself, it is enough to be love and peace there. You do not need to find a different place where you think you are needed more. You will only create drama. Abide in yourself, as you are, you are already one with all.

Loving Light

2011-05-10T22:28:00.001-05:00

The world is full of sleepers and dreamers, and the dream seems real, even in waking life.

The drama plays, the egos whirl, the winds howl and wind chimes sound.

While the dreamers dream their walking sleep, you take a look behind the curtain and there is only you, only love.

All the dreams and all the fuss were only to this end. To awaken love and go out to play.

This is the Great School of the Blind. It teaches light.

The darkness is not a substance, but only the lack of light. It immediately gives way to light, for darkness has no power. It is only the absence of light.

In the presence of love there is no darkness, but only light. And the light is awake, and alive, and present when the dreaming stops.

The awakened one walks always in the light, for wherever he travels, love is there. Darkness he sees, but does not take seriously.

The dream is in the dark, but love is in the light. So love does not fear, and it does not hide.

Being the love and being the light is all that is asked. Waking is all it takes.

Spiritual Boot Camp

2011-04-07T11:14:00.000-05:00

There is a continual dieing until dead. We are not talking about death of the body, but the death of ego, persona -- the little self that wasn't, can't be, and isn't.

As that little self dies it leaves a trail of dusty memories that seem like fantasies, a trail of habits that seem unusable, a trail of something that used to be that just can't be found anymore.

When the little self is seen through as dust glittering under the lamp shade light, what signifies the dust? What causes are there to be examined and analyzed?

Change the world? Save the world? To what end? If this is a training ground, and not a Monopoly game, is it not perfect already?

If this is where we come to evolve, to find meaning in apparent chaos, is this not the perfect place? If we are here to choose amongst unknown results by doing the right thing, is this not perfection in action?

Existential angst is part of the course. At twenty, it has its place -- at forty-five, still being there is a travesty. It is but a right of passage.

This world was never meant to satisfy. It is only a pointer, pointing beyond itself. It points to spirit, to the unmanifest, to awareness. It requires the evolution consciousness; to rising above effects.

As wisdom teaches, we are responsible for the effort, not the result. That leaves only the moral high ground, which we must choose, and choose again.

We save the world only by changing ourselves. Do not discount the effect of doing the inner work. The work of each of us is to become what we want the world to be. The world does not change until we do.

We are the evolution of consciousness. The world is our own projection and the necessary change is inside, not outside. The perfection of our inner world is the only hope to a brighter future. The world need not change, but each of us is responsible for ours.

Does the world seem hard? It was meant to be that way. It points beyond itself, and that beyond resides in you. Don't look out there, it is only a reflection of in here.

The world is perfect as it is -- boot camp for the evolution of consciousness. You are the only one required to graduate. Look within and all that need be changed is there.

Remaining Knots - Kundalini

2011-03-09T22:15:00.000-06:00

Dear Anonymous,

Funny that you should ask. Some symptoms remain. Just lately the nerves in my right arm were inflamed and causing problems, mostly at night. It seems to run along the nerves inside the muscle and surfaces in small sores. Could be kundalini, but it could also be too much use of the mouse at work. Anyone's guess.

I continue to have a feeling of fullness, pressure, and fogginess in my head. It is as if I can feel my brain physically in my skull. It feels like there is much going on physically, but no thinking. The physical reaction to the pressure in my head leads to resistance and therefore a stiff neck. Going to the Chiropractor every couple weeks helps a lot.

When spiritual work is intense, the intent is conscious, but all that is being worked on may not be. This may be why my dreams have been waking me up and becoming conscious. I have related some of them to a wonderful madman who remembers my dreams from thirty years ago. To him they are dreams of individuation. My experience is that there is almost no one here at all.

The ongoing spirit work leaves little left for engagement with the world. I go to work every day and function well, but it has little meaning. There is a physical tiredness. Dealing with the world is a drag and contributes to feeling tired. Of course, this could be just getting older.

It seems that what people say is coming from a distance, through a veil. Not just like being hard of hearing, but as if they are speaking in some other language that I am unfamiliar with. Makes me feel like I am slow to respond.

Having no expectations seems to exacerbate this.
No other knots, or symptoms that I am really aware of.

I have not written on my my blog in several months as there seems nothing to say. Opinions don't matter. The truth is already present and nothing is really happening anyway.

My mind is silent. So silent, if I didn't have a physical body, I wouldn't know I was here. The silence is full, like completeness that has already happened. There is no useful pursuit of meaning in the world.

As far as gurus go. I have some correspondence with several. All are my teachers. The most profound for me are the works of Dr. David Hawkins. I can go back to his books, "The Eye of the I," and "I: Reality and Subjectivity repeatedly. A few pages is enough to unconsciously contemplate during an entire day, or even a week. I have met Dr. Hawkins and he is the genuine article.

I have no compunction to write at all. Responding to a question seems appropriate. God bless.

The Seekers Last Prayer

2011-02-10T22:13:00.000-06:00

What is left are the tattered rags of a flag at half mast. Nothing left but the dregs from the bottom of the barrel.

The old wine has long been drained. This vessel is empty, needing to be refilled.

There is no will left to cross over. The other side is only dimly in view. A world away. Only grace will do.

Fill this empty vessel with new wine. Fill it to the brim with divine fuel. Let it overflow.

Stuff this newly filled vessel with these tattered rags. Shake this bottle and soak these rags.

Light this broken hearted Molotov cocktail and burn it with your love. Let divine light burn brightly evermore.

Free as a Bird

2011-02-04T23:07:00.000-06:00

As long as the ego, the person, is in the foreground, free will appears to be there. For a person, "free will" is highly prized, and regarded as essential.

I remember a few years ago, while out to lunch with a couple of associates, having a conversation about free will. I was explaining that from my personal investigation, there was none. Well, you can imagine, this did not go over well.

In fact, the other two could not even believe that I was serious. "How could you not believe in free will," they said.

One of them, quite seriously said, "If I thought I had no "free will" I would get a gun and shoot myself."

I replied, "You wouldn't even be able to stop yourself because your ego couldn't abide the thought. Where is your freedom in that?"

My two associates just shook their heads and looked at me as if I was from another planet.

I knew of course, that from the position of a normal person, to not believe in "free will" was absurd. If you don't believe in free will, how can you be a separate person?

No "free will" pretty much assures that one is part of a whole, a spoke in a wheel, a cog in a giant machine. The ego is not going to accept that.

It didn't bother me not having free will. In fact, I was at peace with this position because I was committed to truth. My conclusion that there was no free will was arrived at through painstaking consideration and contemplation.

I can agree that on first realizing that there was no free will, there was period of angst and a long period of adjustment. To be sure, if one's meaning is tied to being a person, free will is essential. Discovering that you have none is a rather existential moment. Loss of meaning is not only possible, but highly likely.

In time, however, instead of seeing myself as a little being with no free will, living out a proscribed life, I came to see that I was bigger than a little body, and a little mind.

I came to see that if I had no free will, no independence, no choice, then I must be part of, or at one with, something much larger. How could I be separate from that?

On examination I could see that the larger self could be nothing but the whole thing. If there were no separate independent parts, everything was an integral part of the whole.

The only thing left to do was to discover what embraces the whole world? Or, another way to look at it, what is the world made of? What perceives everything, from any angle, from any position? Can it be anything other than conscious awareness?

That which creates the universe and perceives it does not have an issue with bondage or freedom because it is everything. It enjoys the varied perceptions from the many beings it creates.

That which is everything must certainly enjoy the varied egoic positions and viewpoints of each human being. But, it is not limited by any particular form, perception, or egoic pattern.

As I am That, freedom or bondage is not an issue. I am That, which is everything, free as a bird, a tree, a star, a universe.

Always That

2011-01-22T13:10:00.000-06:00

Everything you experience is That. To go looking for an experience of the Self has to be self defeating because you cannot find what you already are. You cannot experience anything that is not the Self, so where can you go to find it? What is really required is recognition, often called realization.

Realization is an understanding, and the beauty of this understanding, is that you don't have to be experiencing oneness or bliss to know who you are. This is why Vedanta is considered knowledge, and why it is the knowledge that ends the search.

Of course, if you want to pursue experience, you can find ones that are blissful and unitary. Experiences of mystical union, however short, can have profound effects. There is probably nothing that feels better than the ecstasy of the experience of oneness. These experiences, however wonderful, may not lead to understanding.

To chase after the experience of oneness can be frustrating, because, as an experience, it doesn't last. And if you make the error that the experience of oneness is enlightenment, you will set yourself up for a lifetime of searching, because no experience lasts.

Experiences of oneness, bliss, and ecstasy can, however, point to understanding. They become part of your understanding. They can contribute to the knowledge you need to understand who you are. It is a boon to experience oneness, as opposed to the limited experience we typically have.

When the experience of oneness is gone, understanding is what keeps you on an even keel. What really helps is firm conviction and sureness as to our real being. The knowledge of our actual beingness as Awareness. One with all that is.

Knowing oneself as Awareness keeps one from continually looking for a particular experience. With understanding, one doesn't mind the particular experiences of a limited human form. They are just an experience, not who you are.

Awareness sees through many forms, and experiences what is particular to that form. Awareness, as John Doe, picks up the qualities and positions that make up John Doe. This is experience, and it may feel limited, but it is not who you are.

To get beyond limitation requires understanding. It requires an understanding that is deep and broad, seeing that the whole world is but a myriad of local focal points superimposed on oneness. Only understanding will take you beyond experience.

The understanding is twofold. The first is to see that everything is a form of the One. The second is to see that you are That One. Seeing this is understanding.

Being Awareness

2011-01-15T21:12:00.001-06:00

Interestingly, being awareness is a big picture, yet it does not deny the body, nor the mind. The bodymind simply recedes into the background, a shift in perspective, a change of gestalt.

Knowing one is awareness does not alter the presence of a body, nor personality. So, one may say that as awareness I do not suffer, yet the body, the personality may still do so.

Granted, from the perspective of awareness, the bodymind seems to be at a distance; not as close or as personal as it once was. So, suffering may be lessened as identity does not reside with it.

The bodymind does not disappear, yet in some respects the presence of it may be more noticeable because one is able to see it more objectively, more dispassionately.

When the bodymind becomes an object in the field, just as other objects in the field, one is aware of it as any object, although of course, it has greater sublety.

Obviously, awareness allows anything in the field to appear. Anything may happen. The bodymind will still like or dislike according to its preferences, but the preferences will have less hold.

As awareness, the demands of the bodymind certainly have less drive. The bodymind may well be amazed at the lack of drive -- gone, like a leaf in the fall, dropping from a tree.

As awareness, the distinction between needs and desires is greatly increased. The balance of needs versus desires changes in favor of a few simple needs. Desires drop as if on their own. They are seen to be unable to satisfy.

Awareness, being what it is, is good at just observing. It has little to say. Egos playing, appear to be in a dream, and who can interfere with other's dreams? It becomes easy to be silent. It's like observing a joke that no one gets.

Awareness doesn't hold on to others, and others can become extremely irritated when one doesn't seem to hold on to them as they expect. They may even suspect that one is cold.

There is no going back. Awareness, once realized, cannot be let go. It is basic, like dirt. Basic, because one already is that. It is only a realization, a waking up.

Knowledge Becomes Understanding

2010-12-17T22:50:00.000-06:00

What I know as Awareness seems to be taking hold, but it feels more like letting go -- letting go of everything. Everything seems to be at a distance. Even people saying things just doesn't have the meaning it used to have. Sort of frivolous most of the time. So it's like I hear through a fog.

Awareness is here just watching everything. This space I'm in is empty in a sense, but full. The fullness is from a distance, and yet close. Best I can describe it.

No bliss. Just waiting for adjustment to settle in. No rush. I'm not going anywhere, and certainly not doing anything, though things get done. The lack of involvement personally in things is a little odd, but this dispassionate feeling has been coming to the fore for a long time.

Reading Vedanta texts is like fresh clean water that wipes the last bit of dregs from my understanding. Appreciating the tradition of Vedanta is rather different for me, as in most cases, religion for example, tradition is a killer.

But in the case of Vedanta, it is a science. It is not a religion. It is not a set of beliefs. It is more like a path to understanding. The tradition is valid because it works.

It is a science because we are all required to prove it to ourselves. We become the proof. As a science, knowledge is essential. It is a requirement. Trying to permanently capture an experience doesn't work.

For one such as myself who was always attracted to the Jnana aspect, experience alone just didn't cut it. The final knot was undone for me as knowledge became understanding. Not that experience wasn't a part of that knowledge.

Experience becomes knowledge, and knowledge becomes understanding. The heart and the head become knowledge. And understanding is all.

Dead Baby Dream

2010-12-17T22:34:00.001-06:00

Among a number of dreams I had last night, I recall only this episode.

A baby died and was buried. Apparently others who knew the baby, people I knew, heard about the death and wanted to make a big deal out of it. They found out where the baby was buried and began digging it up.

It seemed that I was there because those digging were related to me. But it wasn't clear to me who these people were, or how we were related.

The grave was dug up, and the little wooden coffin exposed. The women were all being dramatic about how small the coffin was, and how sad it was for such a young child to die.

Meanwhile, I stood in the background, not really participating. I couldn't feel any sadness. I could see no point in digging up the grave.

I felt no need to work at dredging up feelings about it. I couldn't appreciate the drama of it. It was what is was, and I knew that no one had died. I knew that everything was O.K.

Doubt

2010-12-11T20:51:00.000-06:00

What is it that maintains "ignorance of the self" more firmly than anything else? It is doubt, and doubt comes from the intellect, the thinking, discerning mind.

The mind wants understanding on its own terms. It easily confirms and acknowledges experience, but it needs its own form of proof to relax and let go. It may even dislike its own doubt, but if it is honest, it wants satisfaction on its own terms.

As a spiritual seeker, you may have had a number of epiphanies, intense, unitive, and ecstatic experiences. They may have come with immense authority beyond measure. And yet they ended. They disappeared and went away.

Where does that leave you? Satisfied? No! Now you have a huge mote between experience and intellect - a gulf that seems insurmountable. The intellect remains, but the ecstasy is gone.

Without the feeling intensity of the experience, the intellect doubts the validity of what was experienced. Without the authority of the experience in full bloom, the intellect feels bereft.

The intellect acknowledges the experience, but it cannot understand it. It does not have the feeling capacity of the experience. It is left, as in a wasteland, looking for the meaning and significance of the experience.

As you know, experience is often outside the realm of reason, and does not easily succumb to investigation. Doubt sets in and disturbs the mind greatly, with no end to the pain. Somehow the gulf opened up needs to be crossed.

To dispel doubt, the mind needs help. It needs a method to see, on its own terms, what was experienced. So how does the mind examine doubt? It needs to satisfy itself in its own field, with discernment, logic, and reason.
It needs to examine doubt in its own light.

If the cause of doubt resides in the intellect, then the answer has to be satisfactory to the intellect. It needs a means, a science, a method of investigation.

That means is self inquiry. And self inquiry requires brutal honesty, brutal logic, and brutal persistence. This inquiry has to be pursued with the intensity that was revealed in the experiences. Yet this inquiry must be done with the mind, the full participation of the intellect, so the end result is conclusive, without doubt, satisfying the mind.

The intellect needs to have the same degree of satisfaction from inquiry, that the feeling experiential side, of you, received from epiphanies and ecstasies. Where the epiphanies may have come uncalled for, self inquiry is work.

Knowledge via self inquiry takes effort. You have to show up, and you have to do the work. But, like any science, there is a history, and there are methods, and they can make the path straight and narrow. A good scientific method can save years of time.

The science of self inquiry, Advaita Vedanta, has been around for a long time. How many thousands of years is not really known, but it has proven its worth over these years, and it works today. It is not a belief system, nor a religion, but a systematic means with various techniques that can lead to the end of doubt and the end of seeking.

The term "enlightenment" came out of the ancient East where is was defined and refined. They honed the terms, the methods, the questions, and the pointers. They have left it to us in the Vedas. But it is up to each one of us to take up the inquiry and find the answer for him or herself.

The end of seeking may not be bliss, but it is peaceful, and it is satisfying. The force is with you.

A Perfect World

2010-12-08T22:21:00.000-06:00

Ah, this perfect world! Awareness loves all of it, and just the way it is! The perfection is that it couldn't be any other way. There is no measure by which to claim anything less than perfection.

What meaning there is, is in the mystery. The body-mind thing need not concern itself. It is but a localized view anyway, one of many. Nothing is really happening, even though it appears to be.

These localized views can be ignorant and mistaken, but it matters not. There is nothing wrong with the ignorance, for it is only apparent. Each and every being is innocent. There is never a guilty verdict.

When one knows that he is the knower, what more is there to know? The quest is over. No seeking has ground. It doesn't matter what happens next. No plan has any effect. All is still.

The end of time is the end of seeking. Death has lost it's sting. The knower and the known are one. The gestalt has shifted. The one is the One. All ones are One. No two exist.

When one steps out of time there is no going back. Each step goes nowhere. Every step that is taken is always here. Only this moment, always now.

When Understanding Dawns

2010-11-13T14:29:00.000-06:00

When understanding dawns, so many things drop away. The needs you used to have fall like leaves from a tree, preparing for winter. The future is nothing to worry about. It will be exactly as it is supposed to be.

You no longer have to clean your mind, or watch your mind, it is stilled by understanding. Whatever thoughts arise are seen to be useful or not. No matter. If they are to be acted upon they will, if not, not.

Even prayer does not arise. When everything is known to be perfect, and everything is unfolding perfectly, what is to be prayed for? What needs to be changed? Since you are That, who will you pray to?

Everything becomes simple. There is a body to be taken care of, but it is not you. You provide what it needs. The mind no longer needs much as ego needs have dissolved. If such a need appears to arise, there is nothing behind it, to drive it forward, and it dies after arising. No effort involved.

There is only one Will operating in the universe. Aligned with That, what is an appearance going to do? It is not even possible to consider. Nothing left to do, but relax into That.

Understanding takes the person out of the picture, as the many become One. The personal becomes impersonal. Everything stands as It IS, as It always has been, and always will be.

There is only stillness, You watch the changing scenery, knowing that nothing is happening. Nothing has ever changed. Peace is all there Is.

The Three States

2010-11-03T20:19:00.002-05:00

The sages repeatedly refer to the three states all humans know: being awake, dreaming sleep, and deep dreamless sleep.

I always wondered why these states were so commonly referred to. What was the significance of these states? What was being pointed out?

I awoke from deep sleep with this on my mind. "If enlightenment is the deep understanding that 'I am Awareness,' how does this relate to the three states?"

I began to ponder what would be another way to say, "I am Awareness." What came to mind was "Presence Being Aware." With this interpretation I took another look at the three states. I was looking to see what could stand behind the three states. I wrote down the definitions that came to mind.

1. Being awake = Presence Being conscious.

2. Dream Sleep = Presence Being subconsciously imaginative.

3. Deep sleep = Presence Being aware of nothing.

What I like about these definitions is that it is apparent that the One thing standing behind the three states is Awareness. I also like the fact that these definitions make a distinction between awareness and consciousness.

Needless to say, I have always felt that a distinction needed to be made between awareness and consciousness. It has always been an irritation to me that many use these words interchangeably. The distinction that I feel needs to be made, is that Awareness is attribute-less and consciousness is not.

This distinction removes the need to refer to awareness as pure consciousness. We can now say that Awareness is the attribute-less field in which anything can become conscious, and it is the objects that have attributes.

Now, back to the definitions of the three states as defined above, their significance seems to be clearer. The sages are pointing out that in deep dreamless sleep, you are not there. At least you are not there as a person. Presence is there as Awareness, ready to wake up, but no person is there.

If reality is changeless, and you as a person are not present in deep dreamless sleep, then the person you think you are is not real because it disappears every night. Presence is there, but a person is not.

In dreaming sleep, you as a person appears. Your subconscious which thinks in symbols, creates stories from the interaction of symbols. Since you are there, you may remember the dream when you awake. What was also there was Awareness.

In the waking state, you know yourself, and your dreams, and your restful sleep. The peaceful rest you report was while you were gone, during deep dreamless sleep. So the report can only come from Awareness which was there. That which was present during dreamless sleep is also present in the waking state, Awareness.

The importance of the three states for the sages has been to point out that during part of every day, you as a person are not there. Therefore, you appear and disappear. This makes you only an appearance in reality.

Only that which stands behind the three states and doesn't change, can be reality. That which you really are is Awareness. This establishes the fact that the definition of enlightenment as the deep understanding that "I am Awareness" is correct.

What are we looking for?

2010-10-31T11:36:00.002-05:00

One of the problems for seekers is the fact that they are searching for something (Enlightenment) which they have not clearly defined. What is worse, there are countless teachers talking about Enlightenment who also do not define what they are talking about.

We can assume that in the seeker there is a strong sense of something missing. The strength of this longing validates the seeking. So the seeker is off on the journey seeking enlightenment. However, because that "something" remains undefined, the seeker is subject to looking everywhere and anywhere.

The goal being undefined, leaves the seeker listening to anyone and everyone who claims to know something about the subject. Not knowing what it is, anyone could have it. Anything could be it! The seeker is now subject to any and all pseudo logic and experiential pablum. What is the seeker to do?

First, the seeker must realize that if one does not want to spend forty years looking under every rock, and behind every bush, one needs to have some idea of what the goal is. Some definition of what enlightenment is, needs to be determined. Without a good definition of the destination, it is only a wilderness.

If we begin by noting that the conclusion of the Vedas is that Consciousness is all there is, and that it is non-dual, perhaps we can define these and related terms, and chart a possible path.

If you look at the definitions below, gleaned from on-line dictionaries and shortened, one might begin to be able to define what Enlightenment is. The four words that are fundamental are: knowledge, experience, consciousness, awareness.

Knowledge: The sum or range of what has been or can be perceived, discovered, experienced, or learned.

Experience: Direct personal participation in, or perception of, or observation of, a particular incident, thought or feeling, that can be remembered and its impact known. It may be considered subjective, but not easily dismissed.

Consciousness: The sum total of everything that can be experienced, thought, felt, perceived, conjured, or known.

Awareness: That which allows sense data, however subtle or gross, to be registered as consciousness. That which is aware of everything is Awareness, and everything that can be known or experienced, happens in Awareness. All that is, or can be known, is consciousness, and consciousness appears in Awareness.

Based on these definitions, we may be able to mark a path to enlightenment.

1. If everything is one, then individuality is an appearance.

2. If individuality is an appearance, and I exist, then to know who I am, I must find the source of the appearance.

3. To find the source of appearance I need to get rid of my doubts and prove to myself that consciousness is all there is, and that my body-mind is an appearance only.

4. To prove that consciousness is all there is, I need to analyze all my sensory input, all perceptions, and determine that everything that appears out there, and in here, is in fact, experience only.

5. Once I know that everything is an interpretation only, and that all interpretation is consciousness only, I still need to know where consciousness appears.

6. Consciousness appears in Awareness. Awareness is the ultimate perceiver, for it has no attributes. It is the capability, the capacity, and the potentiality of knowing anything and everything.

7. If anything and everything that has ever been conscious, can become conscious, or will become conscious, appears in Awareness, then that is what I am. As the enlightened have always said, "That thou art."

What Ends the Search

2010-10-28T18:42:00.000-05:00

Vedanta is said to be the "knowledge that ends the search for knowledge." I have found this to be true. The bottom line of searching is to finally know with certainty who I am. When one finally sees that one can be nothing other than Awareness, what more is there to look for? One can't go any further because Awareness is attribute-less and not an object of experience.

No more questions can be asked. It is the end of the road. A great peace descends. There is no more great itch to scratch. There is also absolute certainty that there is no one who needs saving, and no reason to shout it from the mountain tops.

There is no one here and nothing is really happening, only appearances with mistaken identities. What is said to be obvious by the sages, has always been true. Once the obstacle of ignorance has been removed, with knowledge, understanding arrives. Awareness is the knower, and consciousness is all there is.

The method for removing the obstacles has been around for a long time. It is called Advaita Vedanta. It was recorded, written down by the sages of India, thousands of years ago. It was not hearsay then, and it is not hearsay now. It is not fuzzy logic.

It worked thousands of years ago, and it works today. It is a tried and true method for removing the the ignorance that clouds the minds of apparent persons. When the ignorance is removed, one sees one's true nature as Awareness. It feels natural because it is true.

Vedanta is a true science of mind. It has only one goal -- the removal of the mind's ignorance of its true nature. It is proved each time an apparent individual uses the method and finds the Self as undivided Awareness.

Vedanta asks no one to simply believe. It may require some faith in the teacher or the scriptures, but the whole system is based on inquiry. It asks in myriad ways, "Is this true? Is this true? And one has to do the inquiry oneself, to prove it to oneself.

If you want to get a taste of the method, a good source is "Notes on Spiritual Discourses of Shri Atmananda," taken by Nitya Tripta. These are the inquiries of students of Sri Atmananda Krishna Menon." It is a free download from a number of sources on the Internet.

The sages confidently say, "Prove it to yourself. No one can do it for you." Try it. It works.

http://www.advaita.org.uk/discourses/downloads/notes_pdf.zip

Anxiety and The Racing Mind

2010-10-26T13:41:00.000-05:00

I don't worry about being here "now." Whatever is on my mind is here now, whether I am thinking only about what I am typing now, or bringing the past into the present moment, or bringing the future into the present moment. Everything is now. In fact everything is always just this.

It seems to me that when people talk about having trouble being in the now, they are really talking about intrusive thoughts, a racing mind bringing in thoughts about the past or the future. In effect, worry. It is a form of anxiety. I used to have that problem, but I don't any more.

I would advise not to try and directly stop the racing mind. Directly stopping the racing mind is impossible because the racing mind is a result, a symptom of unresolved issues. To stop the racing mind the issues need to be resolved. In other words, the stopping of the racing mind is an indirect result of resolving issues.

What I am trying to point out is that you can spend years trying to stop or control a racing mind and only succeed in wasting a lot of time. The racing thoughts problem isn't going to be stopped by force of will. It is only going to stop when the cause is removed.

In my case I was not looking to stop my racing mind. I was looking to resolve the inordinate mental anguish I was immersed in. At one point I even became aware that my mind was racing because I was trying to outrun my pain - trying to think my way out of it.

If there is an enormous amount of pain, and you try and rationalize your way out of it, your mind is going to race. The racing thoughts are are trying to outrun pain, they are screaming, "You need to resolve this!" Not doing so results in anxiety.

You see, the reality is, you experienced pain, or mental anguish, and somehow you did not fully experience it. It got repressed. You have unfinished business. On a personal level, to get back in touch with reality, the unexperienced pain needs to be felt. It needs to be felt to put you back in touch with your personal reality.

Now, I am all about getting to Impersonal Consciousness or Awareness. But it is going to be difficult to get there, if you have a ton of personal stuff in the way. Consciousness wants to experience everything, and if you have unfelt pain, it is going to insist that you feel it. Consciousness isn't going to avoid anything. It will not let you off the hook.

In my case, I went to a therapist who did Gestalt work. It was done in a group. I primarily worked on my dreams because they spoke the truth of what was going on in me. And what the dreams were symbolizing over and over was the pain.

When I did break through into the pain, it was enormous, and it was terrifying, and yet the experiencing of it allowed it to leave. At first it seemed bottomless, but eventually it cleared itself out. This did take a few years.

What happened when the pain was experienced and let go of? There was nothing left to try and outrun with my mind. I didn't have to try and rationalize my way around it. The result was a quiet mind.

Since then my mind has been extremely quiet. It thinks, but very little, and it doesn't have thoughts coming in unwanted, or having some other agenda, other than whatever task I am presently doing.

At work, whatever I am working on is all that is going on. Away from work, most of my leisure is spent on thinking about, or experiencing non-duality. It is what I want to think about. It is what I am. There are no intrusive thoughts.

If you really want to look at the issue of repressed pain and its relation to a racing, anxious, mind, read the book "The Primal Scream" by Arthur Janov. It made a difference for me.

Enlightenment is not a Particular Experience

2010-10-24T23:36:00.002-05:00

There is a problem with enlightenment. The problem is that it seems to have a myriad of definitions. If one cannot define it, then how, even after fifty years as a seeker, would one ever know one had achieved it. This shocking thought has probably come to most seekers at some point. Ramesh Balsekar talks about this in one of his videos on youtube.

Most seekers start out reading about enlightenment, trying to understand. There is a lot of literature that talks about experience, especially the Western mystical literature. The experience of the Saints describes a variety of mystical experiences in the pursuit of God.

Seekers read these accounts with avid interest. The experiences seem out of this world, way beyond normal, and seekers may unconsciously take in the belief that enlightenment requires one to have this type of experience. Worse yet, the seeker may take on the belief that this type of experience is enlightenment.

Sooner or later, the dedicated seeker is likely to have one or more of this type of experience. These are very powerful, and often carry an authority that is beyond words. The power of such an experience is utterly meaningful, and has the feel of the absolute.

Then the experience, however wonderful and ecstatic passes, and one is dropped back into one's normal state.
Dropping back into one's normal state after an ecstatic experience of Oneness is not fun. It feels like one has lost one's most precious friend, lost the most meaningful experience one has ever had.

This loss may even lead to depression, because after the experience has gone, the normal state of the world seems barren, like a desert, a no man's land. This is a problem.

The problem with these experiences is largely due to their power. They are so powerful and meaningful that one is easily convinced that "This is it. This is enlightenment. This is what I have been looking for. This is what I have to keep to be enlightened." And so the experiencer is off in hot pursuit of regaining the experience.

But what if such experiences are not enlightenment? What if this is just an experience, although a powerful one, and not enlightenment? What if enlightenment is not an experience? What if the experience is just a message, a special message, designed to wake you up to something more permanent?

Experiences come and go, no matter how mundane or high and out of this world. Doesn't enlightenment have to be something more permanent than a state, an experience? Realization is a waking up to Reality, and Reality is unchanging. What do we do then, with an experience that is mystical, beatific, ecstatic beyond words?

The only thing we can do is examine it. What is the message of such an experience? Obviously it is a message that points to something deeper, more permanent. So we need to ask questions. We need to know what the experience means. What might it be pointing to?

We could ask, "Who did this experience come to?" Now we are back into "Self Inquiry." A good place to be, as this self
inquiry is a method expounded by the sages. Self inquiry is also not a search for experience, but for knowledge and understanding.

By the time a seeker is having mystical experiences of this nature, it is likely that they have also discovered that we are not who we thought we were. Perhaps we have even read that we are consciousness, and that life is actually impersonal. If we apply this knowledge to our mystical ecstatic epiphanies, we can go deeper yet.

As all experiences come and go, this ecstatic experience is like all others, a pointer, not the Reality, because Reality is unchanging. If the experience then, is not enlightenment, and we need deeper understanding, what do we use?

This is where the mind comes in. On examination, we can come to some conclusions. Since experience comes and goes, it can't be enlightenment. So what doesn't come and go? Awareness doesn't come and go. Where is awareness? Everywhere. I have awareness. My teacher has awareness. My dog and cat have awareness. Awareness never changes. Awareness is real.

One plus one equals two, no matter what experience you are having. Awareness is, no matter what experience you are having. It is the background of all your experience. You are Awareness whether you know it or not. But when you know it, it is knowledge you can count on.

Considering the unreality of experience, and considering the fact that you exist and are aware, it is apparent that enlightenment is the knowledge that one is Awareness. Of course this is not just an intellectual knowledge, but a deep and abiding knowledge, an understanding that includes one's whole effort: experiences, thinking, intuition and heart.

If one knows that one is Awareness, with conviction, on direct observation, including all one's experience, all one's thinking, and all one's heart, then one's knowledge is firm. This understanding is enlightenment. Understanding is all.

The Background of Vedanta

2010-10-19T19:52:00.000-05:00

A person has many varied experiences in a day, yet somehow one still knows, I am me. One may feel happy or sad, thoughtful or anxious, the states come and go. Experiencing all these different states, one might think the person would feel discontinuous, but that doesn't appear to happen. One still considers oneself an individual.

How is it that one doesn't loose oneself? The inference is that there is something stable behind the individual, something ongoing, something real. The unchanging background of awareness is what Vedantins call it. And the One who knows this is called "Realized."

As the person remains himself, or herself, despite the constant changes, just so, consciousness itself remains one, despite having the experience of billions of different bodies. Not only is this similar to the person's sense of retaining individuality, it is the same thing, for the background of all persons, that which provides the background, is Consciousness itself.

Vedanta establishes that there is no difference between an individual having various passing feelings and thoughts, and consciousness having the experience of billions of bodies. The person passes in an out of feelings and thoughts, and Consciousness knows the passing in and out of experience, of all the bodies.

The experience of the individual, and the experience of Consciousness are One and the same. The only difference is that the individual feels that his body-mind owns the consciousness, whereas, in fact, the individual is only a focal point in consciousness. The mistaken identity is simply ignorance. To "realize," is simply to see through the ignorance.

Body-mind states come and go, yet the person knows himself as one. Consciousness experiences the coming and going of bodies, yet knows itself as One. The coming and going of body-minds does not split consciousness into the many. There is only One in many forms. Realize that and be free.

Common Awareness

2010-10-12T20:16:00.000-05:00

I am aware of seeing through these eyes and viewing objects. I am aware of thinking about the objects I see. But who or what is looking out of these eyes?

I did not create this body I am looking out from. Neither did I create this mind that seems to possess this body. This being the case, this body-mind is an object - not a personal self.

If this body-mind is an object, who, or what, is looking out these eyes? Who or what is taking in the scenery? Who or what is experiencing this particular body-mind?

Since I did not create this body-mind, calling it "myself," is rather immodest, a taking of liberties. No object in the universe is known to be uncreated. It appears that this body-mind must be an object of that which created it. I can acknowledge this much, but who then, is here?

For that which created me to be here, looking out of my eyes, it must be something subtler than this body. If it can be inside of this body, and look out my eyes, it must be something formless, yet aware.

I can neither see nor touch what is here looking out, yet it is definitely here. That subject is what I have always been looking for, even when I didn't know what I was looking for.

What is looking out my eyes, your eyes, all eyes? We can all agree we have a common Source. So whatever is present behind our eyes, must be common to us all.

What is common to us all: humans, animals, and all of life? Nothing but Awareness, the Grand Subject, the Great I, playing on its own stage.

I am That. You are That. All is That. Nothing personal. Gloria in Excelsis Deo!

Knowledge is Power

2010-10-11T19:31:00.000-05:00

A simple story of lights in the office where I work is a good example of ignorance.

Most mornings when I get to the office the lights in my area are on. Some mornings, they are not. It turns out that a few people know how to turn the lights on and the rest are ignorant of it. Until that person comes in, and I don't know who they are, we sit in the dark.

Typically, when the lights are out, we wait for someone to come in who knows how to turn the lights on. Usually it's just a few minutes, then miraculously, the lights come on.

One morning, I sat in the dark for a long time. I could see my monitor, but not the keyboard. I happened to go by the desk of someone close by, also sitting in the dark. I asked him, "Do you know who knows how to turn on the lights?"

"Sure," He answered, "I know how to do it." As he got up to go do it, I said, "Perhaps I should follow you and see how you do it?" I followed him around the corner and a few feet down the hall where there was a light switch. He flicked the switch, and on came the lights.

"Funny," I said, "I have passed by that switch hundreds of times and never noticed it. Knowledge is power, isn't it?" He answered, "Yes," with a big grin.

Enlightenment is a lot like this. Awareness is familiar, it is close, we live and breathe within it, but we don't know it is there. Meister Eckhart gave us a clue when he said, "The eye with which I see God is the same eye with which God sees me."

Awareness is staring us in the face, 24/7, and staring back at us as well, 24/7. We just don't notice it. We don't even know to look!

Assuming that the darkness is noticed, and that there is earnestness to find the light, all we need is correct knowledge and the willingness to look. Knowledge opens the door to the fact that Awareness is what we are, not something we have. The right pointers and an open mind bring understanding.

Years can be spent looking with Awareness at Awareness, for enlightenment, without knowing that we are what we are looking for. Without recognition, we can be it, and not know it. Knowledge awakens us to what we have always been, but overlooked.

Thank God for the teacher that can point at the knowledge, because he knows where it is.

Awareness is Not a State

2010-09-26T15:27:00.001-05:00

Awareness is not a state. It is that on which states appear. You cannot experience awareness itself because you are awareness, yet everything you experience is in awareness.

The beauty of awareness not being a state, is that you cannot loose it. In fact, you have never been without it. You don't have to do anything to have it, it is already yours.

The reflection of enlightenment in awareness, however, may change what is experienced. An enlightened mind may experience life differently: the absence of suffering, or less frustration with the way things are.

When one first gets a glimpse of oneness, the mind may feel an overwhelming bliss, or ecstasy, but bliss will not last. It is a great experience, but it is not permanent, and it is not enlightenment. When it goes, one may be rather dismayed, yet if one can take the experience as a pointer, it may lead to the understanding that is enlightenment.

With or without that blissful experience, you are awareness. Enlightened or not, you are awareness. You can't feel awareness directly. It is a potentiality, a constant, eternal readiness for experience.

Awareness is the foundation, the potentiality, for knowing, for experiencing, any and all things - however gross or subtle. It is the field in which interpretations of experience are labeled good or bad.

Enlightenment then, if not a state, can be nothing but understanding - understanding of the fact of non-duality. Those who understand we call enlightened. Yet all, with or without understanding, are awareness, and are standing in non-duality.

Experience is experience, it does not necessarily translate into knowledge. And it is knowledge that is required for enlightenment. Enlightenment is not getting something you didn't have, it is the realization that you are that - eternal awareness, waiting, ready for anything.

In enlightenment, you realize that the ordinary is okay. You do not need what is not in the world, you know that whatever is out there, or not out there, does not affect you. Your happiness is not out there, and seeking for self has ended.

A Teacher Points

2010-09-20T22:25:00.002-05:00

A small group of new students gathered in the room. A young man, quite impatient asked, "How do I find out who I really Am?"

The teacher said, "We'll get directly to it. Please everyone give your name." The students proceeded to do so.

"I am Jane."

"I am John."

"I am Ashley."

"I am Charles."

"Very well," said the teacher, "tell me a little about yourself."

Each student proceeded to provide a short description of their background and interests, and what brought them to the teacher. Then the teacher spoke.

"Each of you has described your attributes. Each of you has spoken of your Jane-ness, John-ness, Ashley-ness, and Charles-ness, but you have all overlooked something very fundamental. Each of you prefixed your name with 'I am' but none of you have talked about that."

John said, "That's just a matter of phrasing. It's typical. It's just grammar, you know, the way we talk."

"Is it?" said the teacher.

Jane piped in, "What does 'I am' have to do with talking about myself?"

"Well, said the teacher, "It seems to me, if you each prefaced your name with 'I am,' that it must be fundamental to you. Have you overlooked something?

The students sat in silence.

The teacher said, "All of you provided descriptions of your attributes, that which describes your apparent separateness. Even your names provide attributes, maleness with John and Charles, and femaleness with Ashley and Jane. What I am asking is what is common among you, and not separate?"

The students were again quiet, pondering.

After awhile the teacher spoke again. "You see, all of you have overlooked that which has the attributes. Wouldn't you say that that which carries the attributes is more fundamental to you than any attributes you attach to that?"

Several of the students nodded "yes," but said nothing.

"Consider," said the teacher, "that 'I am' is fundamental to each of you. 'I am' is the one statement for which you need no proof. Would any of you say that you do not exist?"

They all shook their heads indicating, "No."

"So, when you say 'I am' you are saying first, 'I exist' and only secondarily you are qualifying yourself as Jane, as John, or Ashley. Do you not see that you first are stating who you really are, and only secondarily that you are Jane or John?"

All were still silent.

"When Moses was on the mountain where he received the tablets, he asked God, 'Whom shall I say hath sent me?' What was the answer he received?"

Ashley spoke up, " God said, 'Tell them I Am has sent you.'"

The teacher said, "If God is I Am, then we can agree that 'I Am' is fundamental?"

The students eyes were getting big. Something was dawning on them.

"We overlook 'I am' and get caught in attributes. But our attributes are qualities. These qualities are like clothes. The clothes that God wears."

John and Ashley's jaws were dropping open. They had never considered this.

"I am is common to each of you in this room. I am is what you must have first, to be Jane, or John, or Ashley or Charles. Your parents said I am and your children's children will preface their names with I am. It is not a part of common speech by accident. It is fundamental. Can you see that I Am is what each of you are, before you forget yourself, and took yourself to be Jane or John?"

"Wow," said Charles, "I never saw it that way."

"Ah," said the teacher, " You are beginning to feel that presence, that something that is more basic to you than your attributes. I can see it in your eyes. That's good.

"Do you see that there is a common essence, an I am-ness present in each of you. It has no attributes, so it is easy to overlook, but it easily takes on attributes. Each of you are really that. Your Jane-ness, or Charles-ness, is really a presentation in I Amness. And each of you have taken the clothing as the real you.

"Some call it consciousness. Some call it the 'I principle,' but it is that which we overlook. It's easy to do. Having overlooked this, we begin the search. But we search for what we already are. We are looking out of what we are searching for!"

"So, what am I?" asked Charles."

"You are that. 'I am' has sent you into the world to play Charles. You are an actor on the stage of the manifested world. As Shakespear said, 'All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.'"

Charles just kept saying "Wow." The others were silent.

Knowing that this was enough for the evening, the teacher thanked them for coming and and went to make coffee.

Understanding

2010-09-19T00:47:00.003-05:00

The teacher is at peace because he is standing as the background. Just as the movie screen is at rest, whether a movie is playing or not. The teacher is resting in understanding, no matter how animated he may appear.

The teacher is aware that nothing is happening. This is the truth. Standing as awareness, the pure background, everything else is just the dance of appearance. The fundamental, pure I, remains unchanged.

The teacher knows that whatever appears to be happening, changes nothing. His stand is in the absolute. All that appears to be happening can be enjoyed, but it changes nothing.

The understanding of the teacher is not personal. For seekers to place the label of "enlightened" on the teacher is misplaced. The teacher is an appearance as well, and can't claim enlightenment.

Seekers only lack the simple understanding of who they really are. If they understood, they would know that there is no difference between them and the teacher.

Satsang is really a comedy of errors. The teacher knows where all the questions are coming from. Their fundamental error is all the same. That is why many sages proclaim that "The answer is in the question."

All the teacher can do is answer the questions until the questions stop. And the comedy is, that once understanding dawns in the seeker, the seeker disappears as well, having fallen into the impersonal himself.

Nothing has changed, only understanding has dawned. The play goes on. The ordinary continues. There are ups and downs, but rest is there, and questions don't need to be answered.

Do Objects Exist?

2010-09-16T21:46:00.000-05:00

Material objects are known to exist only because we say so. Our senses of sight, hearing, touch, etc., tell us so. Any object we claim to know is entirely a subjective experience. We ourselves are the proof that the world exists.

Do objects exist without our perceiving them? We've read of someone hit by a bus they neither saw nor heard, or the soldier killed by a snipper's bullet he never saw coming.

It appears that objects do exist without our senses having to perceive them. But that does not make them separate. That we perceive objects seems to indicate that we and objects are made of the same stuff.

To be able to perceive what is, implies a common foundation with what is. It cannot be separate if we can see it, smell it, touch it. A common underlying principle must be present.

What is common to all perceptions is consciousness. We tell a friend, "Go to the museum and look at such and such a piece of art." Our friend goes and sees. Doesn't this show that the same consciousness that is in us, is in our friend.

It is obvious that there is one principle behind what is. That principle is awareness. It was present when you saw the art, and again when your friend saw it.

When you saw the art, awareness became conscious of it. When your friend saw it, awareness became conscious of it again. Two people, different times, same aware presence.

That presence is always everywhere aware. It is conscious of all experience. There is nothing separate from it. Consciousness is all there is.

The Veil of Objects

2010-09-14T20:39:00.000-05:00

It is the apparent utility of things that causes us to focus on objects and forget the Oneness of experience. The utility of things causes us to conceive objects, which are actually concepts. Yet the field of existence remains One.

Concepts are utilitarian and we focus on them, naming and dividing until the world is full of things. We name all things, creating separateness where none exists. Naming is the veil we cover Oneness with.

Our naked experience is no longer seen, or knowable, and intimacy is lost, out there in a world, of created things.
One is sliced and diced into a million objects, named, categorized, and filed away.

We are dressed to the nines in concepts, robed in words, defined, refined, and abstracted into a billion things. We are the king of concepts, the king of naming, the king of separateness.

Yet behind the veil of separate things, I alone exist. I am not named, not defined, not separate, and not divided.
I am all experience, and do not label it good or bad. Everything is a sharing of myself alone. At peace with all.

How to Look for Who You Really Are

2010-09-09T07:35:00.000-05:00

When we start looking for who we really are, we start looking where we know to look. We actually start looking in the areas we know. What we don't realize, is that we are looking in boxed sets of assumptions, unquestioned opinions, looking through beliefs, looking via religions, philosophy, psychology, etc.

But the answer is not there! The answer is closer than that! Closer than your body. Closer than your mind. That is why so much looking goes nowhere. The answer is not where we are looking, and we don't realize that we don't know where to look.

Without help we are likely to have to plow through all the religions, all the philosophies, all the psychologies, and exhaust them all, before we even get a hint that we are looking in the wrong place.

This is why it is often stated that you need a teacher, a guide. Because, if the teacher knows, the teacher can keep pointing out that you need to look closer, that the answer is closer than all those beliefs, closer than all your assumptions, and outside the boxes in your mind.

The simplest thing is to look at what is subject, and what is object. Investigate if an object is really "out there," and you "in here."

Remember that the only proof of "out there" is your own self. Everything you see "out there" is sensed by you, interpreted by your body and your mind. That interpretation is all done in YOU. So where does that object actually exist? ONLY IN YOU!

And when you see this, you see that there is NO "out there." There is only here. And when you look at your own body, and your own mind, you see that even yourself is an interpretation of the senses, interpretations of the mind. And if you follow this to the conclusion, you can only deduce that what you are, and what everything is, is SUBJECT only.

If subject only exists. Then YOU are THAT. When you see it, it is very simple. It changes your perspective, you no longer see anything "out there." All is SUBJECT only. All is only now, always and forever, and only as it is. And you are THAT.

The Background of Enlightenment

2010-09-05T14:50:00.000-05:00

Some teachers say, "You don't have to put out effort to be enlightened. " Paradoxically, they are correct. Yet the seeker doesn't get it. Can the seeker get it without effort?

Probably not! The seeker who doesn't get it, may need to put in some effort. For, though the truth is that they "are that," they do not recognize that to be the case.

The paradox itself has enabled some to get it. For others, they seek something, or a teacher, that to them feels more helpful. Of course, they will need the help until they don't.

Some seekers would insist that their search for Truth isn't even their own, and they can do nothing to stop it. These are the lucky ones. They can't help but make the effort. They are pulled by their own future, like an addiction.

Wherever the true seeker looks, in every form, whether physical, or conceptual, the obvious is there. In every function, the obvious is there. Everything is pointing, and everything is resting in that.

Everything is resting in the obvious. Everything is standing in the obvious. And what is this obvious thing, this silence, this rest? It is the background on which this appearance and every function rests.

Everything that is, points to the background on which it rests. There is no need to run from thoughts, to run from pleasure, or run from pain. Just see on what, in what, these forms and functions are appearing.

You and everything you see, touch, hear, and feel are in That. Every thought and feeling are in That. And That you are!

You are the Truth that has always been lurking in the background. How else would you see? How else would you know? You and everything else is dependent on the background. How did you fail to see that?

Truth is quiet, allowing, open, spacious, loving, and independent. It is aware. You are That! Enlightenment is but the recognition of That.

In the recognition of that, the seeker disappears. The one needing help disappears. And since what we are has always already been there, enlightenment is often described as a "non event." It is as ordinary as waking up in the morning.

The only thing we ever did was place our attention on everything appearing, and not noticing on what, in what, it all appeared. A big mistake, so obvious, one can only laugh, or cry, and wonder.

And then you are in the position of saying that it is so obvious. You say that to others. And they in turn, look at you as if you are teasing them, because it is not obvious to them. A fun game, is it not?

Awareness is Alive

2010-09-04T00:15:00.000-05:00

Awareness is alive. It is ready for anything to appear. As soon as something appears, awareness becomes conscious of it, whether it be seen, heard, thought, or felt.

Everything one can be conscious of dies, yet awareness remains. So one can say that all appearances are dead. None will last. Awareness alone remains.

It is awareness that is life. Everything in the universe is but a step child appearing for a moment. If you are aware, you can never die, for all things, including your body, mind, thoughts and feelings appear in that.

Analysis of Backpacks and Wedding Dresses

2010-08-31T20:37:00.000-05:00

A reader sent this analysis of my dream "Backpacks and Wedding Dresses. I think it's pretty good.

From Dan:

Having read your Backpack and Wedding Dresses post, I couldn't help but notice it seemed in connection with your "Arrested" dream, and so I was moved to offer up an interpretation. Overall, this seems a very positive dream. I gather that was your feeling upon awakening? (Of course, having money thrown at you never usually generates a bad feeling!)

As you know, when exploring the implications of non-duality, no stone can be left unturned. Unfortunately, it can often be difficult to deal with the stuff that is unconscious, what Jung calls shadow content, since, well, its unconscious and the self-aggrandizing ego would rather not look at it. In this sense, the stones are often not even seen, much less overturned.

The beautiful thing about dreams is that the shadow content is presented, and can be looked, at even if ego wishes to avoid it, or tries to make something else of it entirely. In this respect I find dreams to be of the utmost value and take them "seriously". From your comments, and the dream work you've done, it appears you do, too. So, for what it's worth, I offer up this interpretation in the spirit of one fellow dreamer to another.

Here's the synopsis.

SYNOPSIS
Worried-father-ego doesn't understand, or particularly want for his son the lifestyle he is leading. Presence points out that those foibles are necessary for growth. Unconscious-clearer-seeing ego accepts this and sees no need to change anything, and accepts his son's perceived foibles unconditionally. Presence, always there to assist, guarantees spiritual rewards when this prescription is followed.

LONG VERSION

SYMBOLS:
Backpacks-- transience, wandering, coming and going, the lived life in the world of appearances.

Wedding dresses-- union, purity, eternal Presence.

Racing bike-- balance, precision, a healthy ego

Children-- newly forming aspects of your son's identity

Adults-- the supporting aspects of Maury

Neighbor-- Presence, close by, at hand, assisting

Money-- what is valued, spiritual riches.

THEMES:
transience, support, safety, acceptance.

--My wife and I have gone to bed. It's fairly late. Then there is a sudden commotion. We hear people running through the house, loud voices and laughter. I get up to investigate.

This is something you are waking up to. Perhaps you have been asleep on it, unaware, but now moving to "investigate". Also notice the dream takes place late at night, the dark, the unconscious coming to the fore. (often the unconscious is symbolized in a dream as something dark or lower, like a basement, or perhaps a hole) So the dream is depicting something that you don't normally give acknowledge.

--He is showing them around the house. I can see that they are friends of his.

It seems to me the children are aspects of your son, not you, as they are his friends. The children are the young, new, not yet formed aspects of your son. You refer to them as vagabonds. They are transient, wanderers who come and go and haven't taken hold yet.

--He hardly notices me. I see that a few woman in their late twenties or early thirties are coming in behind. One man about thirty-five follows. He had a really cool racing bike.

The adults are the ones who care for the children, just as you care for your son. In this sense they are aspects of Maury. Bikes can connote a number of things, the obvious one is balance. They can also be a symbol for the ego since we move from place to place on them just as the ego is a vehicle for Presence in this space-time world. In the case of the former, a racing bike is a very balanced type of bike, a precision instrument, and so your balance regarding the message of the dream is precise. The same can be said of it as a symbol for the ego, it's not some piece of junk you are having a problem with.

--are all abandoned children that are being kept safe by the women and the man. They have no money, so they move to safe places where they can stay for awhile.

If they are aspects of your son's ego, notice they have no money, aren't being given value. They are moved to safe places and your home, where you "live", is just such a place, and is regarded as such by your son since it is he who has brought them here. The "loud voices and laughter" clearly indicate his comfort in this regard.

--I have a big, rambling, country house on the side of a hill.

Houses in dreams can connote mind, with the various rooms suggesting aspects of the mind. A basement, the unconscious; a study, the intellect, a dining room, a place where the mind assimilates (food for thought); a living room, the part of the mind you normally "inhabit" or use, etc. An unfamiliar house can denote a different mind-set that is needed. In this case the house is sprawling and wide so may indicate a more spacious, open mind is helpful. It's placement on a hillside indicates "higher".

--Part of what we do is sell to travelers. We have a room that has racks of backpacks and wedding dresses.

Your having titled the dream with these symbols reinforces the centrality of them in the dream. Backpacks indicate travel, wandering, coming and going. The theme of traveling, wandering, or transience is an important symbol in this dream. As such, perhaps it symbolizes the living of life, the world of appearances. Backpacks are also carried on the back, a symbol of support, and this theme of support is also a prominent motif in the dream at large.

The wedding gowns are a symbol of Presence, of All That Is. Often symbols concerning Presence are like this, denoting union, or purity. Other possible meanings for the symbols of a wedding gown are commitment or new phase, but I don't think those apply as much as does viewing the dresses as a symbol of Presence. Presence, Awareness, is never touched (virgin white) by the coming and going of the appearances. Notice that the children climb a ladder to get them: they "move toward heaven" to reach Presence.

As a symbol of Presence, the gowns dress the children, aspects of your son's ego, and cover them, just as all things exist IN Presence. Perhaps the dream is suggesting that your son is trying on Presence, just as you have come to in your long journey. Your being "pleased" that the children like the dresses may be a confirmation of this or of your knowing that these aspects of your son are in "safe places", as Presence is all, and no harm, ultimately, comes to anything.

--"Well, we must be meant to let them stay here or they wouldn't have come." We accept the fact that we will have company for awhile.

Your acceptance is unequivocal. Even if the waking ego struggles with what it perceives to be its lot in life at any one moment, ultimately it is forced give up the ghost. The children-- your son and all his perceived foibles-- are here, like it or not, and in no need of the ego attempting to change or deny any of it. In other words, even though Maury(worried father-ego) might be taking these aspects to be deleterious, Presence is pointing out that they are necessary, and will eventually lead to growth, to climbing the ladder, finding the dresses, and union with Presence. In the dream you know this, and accept this to be the case. Only worried father-ego needs to be convinced. This also goes back to the children not having any money, waking-ego doesn't see these aspects as something of value. In the dream, you recognize they are "meant to stay", you give them value, and don't regard them as something necessarily to be gotten rid of.

--I get up early in the morning, and step outside. A neighbor is at my door. He is an older gentleman. He is there with his assistant. He is tossing bills at me, hundreds and twenties.

Now we move from the darkness(night) of the unconscious to the light(day) of the known, or that which is not in shadow. The neighbor is another symbol of Presence. A neighbor is someone you live "close" to, and nothing is closer than Presence. Presence is there to "assist" you as symbolized by the assistant. It is "eager to help", and is showering you with money, a symbol of something of value.

Your acceptance of all the uncomfortable stuff that leads to worry, brings a new day with spiritual riches, since Presence only deals in spiritual gifts, not mundane ones. Not just for you, the money is for the children, the aspects of your son which have been difficult and a source of worry for you. Maury, allowing What Is to just be ("meant to let them stay"), without wanting to change it or head it off at the pass, gives everyone shelter, safety, and wakes to a brighter day.

Additional comments;

Now, maybe I assume too much, but: Notice that your son "hardly notices me" (typical!). Perhaps he's not looking to you to solve all his problems or to overtly guide him, but he obviously finds your "house", your point of view, comfortable, as he shows the new aspects of himself that he is trying out around your house in a kind of gaiety. It seems to me that even though he is not overtly acknowledging you, he finds your influence is clear and, I would say, "roomy" like the house. In other words, he's not as deaf to what you have to offer as might appear and, perhaps in his own way, is exploring your guidance just as the children explore and find the dresses.

The Circus Came to Town

2010-08-29T22:57:00.000-05:00

We are designed not to know, because who we really are already knows. If we knew, where would all the fun come from? Who would keep on playing the game?

We are designed not to know who we are, for who we really are, already knows. There has to be a problem for there to be a story. A conflict is required, and characters in the dark.

The plot is all same, from here to Timbuktu, just different characters, playing all the same parts. Different cities, different towns, different genders; same old story.

The circus "Lila" came to town, and all the elephants have run amok. The Hoi polloi are chasing elephants. A group of wise men have captured one. Feeling in the dark, one says the elephant has changed into a rope, another into a large snake, and yet another into a sail.

Yet someone, somewhere, sees the light, and can't stop laughing. He sees the wise men fumbling in the dark. He knows the circus never came to town, and never left, and won't come back.

One Question

2010-08-29T21:45:00.000-05:00

There is only one question that drives all the other questions, so when that one question is answered all the other questions fade into nothing.

The answer is One, and no thing becomes everything.

Conviction

2010-08-28T16:09:00.000-05:00

In the nondual literature are many statements noting the requirement of a guru for one who wishes enlightenment. What is the primary factor behind such statements? Is it just tradition? Is it elitist on the part of gurus and followers?

A primary fact that supports the tradition is that so few ever attain enlightenment. It is a rare event. Being rare, a serious student may easily justify the need to have a personal guru.

For Westerners this is not as tolerable as it may be for those having grown up in the Eastern cultures. Surrender is not a highly regarded trait in the West. Having a guru is one thing, complete surrender to the guru is another.

I believe the critical factor in the tradition of needing a personal guru, is the need for conviction. What the student needs, what he requires, is conviction. As with many endeavors, conviction is a fundamental quickening agent. What the guru can provide is that conviction.

Being in the presence of a guru and seeing the sureness with which questions are answered, supports conviction. Seeing the attitude, the approach, the authority and humility of the guru, also supports conviction.

Seeing that a guru lives what he speaks, and is what he speaks of, supports conviction. Hearing words and concepts spoken with sureness and understanding, promotes conviction. What is behind the gurus words, and the space from which they come, is also felt.

Conviction on the part of the guru easily lends itself to conviction on the part of the student. The leavening effect of conviction leads to the letting go of erroneous opinions, leading to faster results.

Another factor the presence of a guru provides is "silent transmission." This has been documented and described over the years. Among the faithful this is a given. What is this silent transmission?

Hawkins notes that the aura of the guru is at a different wavelength. Being a wavelength not encountered among the general population, it can have an incredible impact without a word spoken.

Those lucky enough to have been in the presence of a truly enlightened guru are already at an advantage. For the aura does carry the vibration to the student.

The fact that you have been in the presence of an enlightened person may already indicate that you are on the path, knowingly or unknowingly. Otherwise you wouldn't have had the opportunity.

In my case, I have met with and been in the presence of several gurus. I have spoken with others. I did not experience what some call "wu wu." That does not mean that I did not pick up the vibration. At the time, I may not have been ready.

Hawkins says that the vibration of the aura of a guru remains with the seeker forever, even multiple lifetimes. When that person is ready, it will have effect.

As for me, my most revealing and awakening moments have been when alone. Usually while reading the words of a master. Letting the words and the space between the words speak to me, has brought tremendous revelation. It has brought inspiration, ecstasy, and more.

I have always maintained, "Put no head above your own." Trust yourself, whether in what you read, or what guru you follow. This demands that you know what resonates with you. If it resonates, feel free to follow, to allow.

Having a strong intellect and being attached to words and concepts, I have always pursued enlightenment via the mind. Commonly called Jnana yoga. Most say this is the hardest way. I have a hard head.

For me, reading Krishnamurti, Krishna Menon, Franklin Merrell-Wolf, Nisargadatta and others, allowed me to reach depths previously unknown. These experiences brought conviction. Speaking with enlightened souls has also helped.

In any event, it is conviction that makes the way easier -- the grease that makes the impossible, possible. Conviction is light that helps penetrate the darkness.

Lack of conviction is a stumbling block. Conviction is an aid. I am not condoning stupid fanatical belief. But I am in support of the experience of conviction, which allows one to suspend stumbling blocks of the mind, even for a moment. If a guru helps allay one's skepticism, by all means, seek one out.

Backpacks and Wedding Dresses

2010-08-25T21:19:00.000-05:00

Ah, but to dream! Ah, and to have a good dream! It's all a dream anyway. Here's a recent one.

My wife and I have gone to bed. It's fairly late. Then there is a sudden commotion. We hear people running through the house, loud voices and laughter. I get up to investigate.

Coming down a long hallway, I see my twenty year old son, walking briskly with a number of teenagers and middle schoolers. He is showing them around the house. I can see that they are friends of his.

Apparently he has joined up with this vagabond troupe and he has brought them home. I stand and watch as he shows them around the house. He hardly notices me. I see that a few woman in their late twenties or early thirties are coming in behind. One man about thirty-five follows. He had a really cool racing bike.

In awhile I learn that these are all abandoned children that are being kept safe by the women and the man. They have no money, so they move to safe places where they can stay for awhile.

I have a big, rambling, country house on the side of a hill. Part of what we do is sell to travelers. We have a room that has racks of backpacks and wedding dresses. The wedding dresses are small, more for young girls to play with, since like dressing and wedding gowns are fascinating to them.

I see the middle school girls climbing the ladder on the wall and pulling down the dresses, trying them on. I am pleased that they like them. After awhile I look at my wife and say, "Well, we must be meant to let them stay here or they wouldn't have come." We accept the fact that we will have company for awhile.

I get up early in the morning, and step outside. A neighbor is at my door. He is an older gentleman. He is there with his assistant. He is tossing bills at me, hundreds and twenties. He is writing checks, all different amounts. But it's a lot of money.

He tells me that I am going to need the money to take care of all these kids. He is eager to help. I pick up the bills and checks. I am very surprised by all this money being given to me. It is such a shock that I wake up.

The Stolen "I" Principle

2010-08-17T19:55:00.002-05:00

We take the "I" and beat our chests and prance around like peacocks, thinking we are so special. Are we?

We have taken the "I" principle and absconded with it. We are thieves, each and every one of us.

All the adjectives, pronouncements, and declarations are all extensions of the "I" principle. We make ourselves into something with all these adjectives. Our descriptions of ourselves, emboldened by our opinions, create a self - a little self.

We have all become a little self, an ego, a prima donna,
masquerading as something special, self made. It is all a lie. We have placed the trappings of illusion on a pedestal. We worship ourselves.

But the "I" is stolen. It is stolen from the One, the only "I" principle. We have stolen the grand principal "I" and covered it with a peon's robe.

Without considering the Source, we have taken ourselves to be something we are not. Our egos have run off with us, proclaiming immaculate conception, as if we were some self made being.

We are pretenders, naive, duped by our own unexamined assumptions. We never look back to discover our naked presumptuousness, our foolishness.

We have run off into a world of our own illusions, lost in fantasy, lost to who we really are. This is worse than "the Ides of March." For we are fallen. For we have wandered off without foundation, without true knowledge.

For the "I" principle is primary - irreducible, and without attributes. It stands alone. It is the being of the "I" principle. The One, the Only, the True.

Every apparent self has participated in this thieving folly. Every apparent self has made this mistake. But the wise one looks back. Looks back to the Source.

The "I" principle never left. The "I" principle never changed. It is the very base on which our apparent selves have taken wings. It is for us to turn around, to stop, to look.

And if we stop. And if we look. Perhaps we will see the One, standing there behind us, holding us up, loving us, knowing who we really are. And perhaps we will wake up.

The Prison of Attachment

2010-08-12T19:52:00.000-05:00

I have a son who is a living a lifestyle that is hard for me to understand. It is not the typical lifestyle of someone raised in a typical Midwestern city in the United States.

I am not his judge. But I am his father. I have an attachment to him. When he doesn't do what I would do, I worry. Perhaps I don't worry like I would have at one time, but there is still attachment.

I am reminded of Nisargadatta saying something along the lines of, "get to the place where you have no need of friends." Of course, Nisargadatta is not just talking about a big narcissistic ego; he's talking about realizing that there is no separation. Furthermore, he talking about knowing the Presence. And knowing is being at One with that.

Dreams can sometimes be quite revealing about what is going on in the mind. The symbolism of a dream carries far more than words. I dreamed that I was arrested with my son. The reason for the arrest was not significant, or known, in the dream.

We were both handcuffed and put into a police car. I recall having a very strange sense about the arrest. I could not defend myself as the paradigm I was in, would not be understood by the police. I was upset about the situation, but not angry with my son, though there was some sense that my son was the cause.

At this point I woke up. Awake, yet having just been arrested. This dream perfectly expresses what my attachment to my son is doing to my sense of self? It puts it in prison. Except for this attachment, I would be free.

All attachments are like this. It is worth meditating on.

"Full Stop" MP3 Audio Podcast Review

2010-08-12T19:30:00.000-05:00

I had the opportunity to listen to a wonderful podcast by Charlie Hayes. I wrote a review, see below. A link to the podcast is at the bottom of this post. Charlie's website is http://beingisknowing.blogspot.com/

Maury's Review of "Full Stop" - An audio podcast by the spiritual teacher - Charlie Hayes

I just listened to Charlie Hayes' mp3 titled "Full Stop." This is about as good as it gets. If you are ready to get this, you don't need to hear anything else, or read anything else. Honestly, it's all here. Where is here? Where is now? Nowhere. Bottom line, done, you're - finished!

You don't have to change yourself because what you really are, you already are, and it is here, and now, everywhere and nowhere. Do you get it? If not, try listening to Charlie's new mp3, "Full Stop.” While listening to spiritual work, I wait silently for the feeling of resonance. I have to say, that for Maury, there was resonance. I also have to say, that for resonance to be here, "I Am" has to be present. "I Am" was present.

You don't need to worry about who you are, because you have no control over that. For heaven's sake, if you had any choice, would you be listening to Charlie's latest mp3?

From beginning to end, the concept Maury, being rather arrogant about what he's read, could tick off the major universals brought into focus. The best of the best. There was an authority to the words spoken that can only come from the "I Am." Neither arrogant, nor humble, just what is, expressed, As Is. What else is there?

The silence and love with which the mp3 ends, says it all. You don't get to silence without letting go of a lot of obstruction, because what you are is already present, just not accounted for -- covered with bullshit -- mostly thought. You can seek what you already are, but it's like a dog chasing it's tail.

Charlie enlightens some of the stupidity propounded as spirituality; a major one being, trying to get rid of the "me." You can't. There is a body. It is here. It is present, and it does exist. The question is, "Is that who you really are?"

The suffering of trying to get rid of the me can be released, not by getting rid of yourself, but by realizing that that is not who you really are. You are That which is nowhere and everywhere. That which Is, whether you realize it or not, is what you really are. You are that presence, and you have never left.

If you insist on using your mind to find the answer, Charlie's recommendation is to deconstruct. You can blow your mind by earnestly asking the simple question, "Who am I." Not in a cursory manner, but deeply, profoundly. You can do this by doing a Full Stop at "I am." Everything after I Am is bullshit - opinion, projection, conjecture.

To point out the quick departure on which thought will take you for a ride, Charlie points out that, "The second you say 'Being' you are no longer in it. Now you are in concepts." Most of us have little awareness of how much of our world is a construct, and it is the constructs that cause suffering. I need say little more. If you are ready, all you need to know is in this mp3. Honestly, what is, Is, in this recording,

"Full Stop."

Recent Dr. Hawkins Quotes

2010-08-11T22:15:00.000-05:00

A student asked about comparing herself with other people, having feelings of jealousy, wanting to be like other people, and Dr. Hawkins replied: “You can’t be jealous of what the person is – only of what you perceive and think they are. You cannot see Reality. You have no idea of what Reality actually looks like. … What you are dealing with are your own projections. Everything you see is a projection… {Wanting to become like another person…} … that is an adolescent trait, comparing yourself with others. (They have more money than I do. She has a prettier blouse.) It’s an unwillingness to let go of that. You are getting juice out of it. You can’t compare your reality to them because you don’t know what your reality is! You are not seeing who you are.”

Another student asked about blocks that occur to experiencing a spiritual state. Dr. Hawkins said, “Why don’t you just experience the experience, instead of intellectualizing it and thinking about it? … You can mentalize endlessly instead of just trusting your intuitive knowingness. You need to trust your own intuitive knowingness more. Give up your thinkingness. The thing is to give up all your thinkingness about it and just be, from moment to moment. You don’t have to write a dialogue, okay?”

Only a Story to Tell

2010-07-11T12:06:00.001-05:00

I've been playing around with an autobiography of my childhood. I wrote it in a fit of passion, feeling that it was important. That was forty years ago. It doesn't seem so important now. More of a curiosity.

Its been hanging around my desk like an old dish rag. Like old furniture -- should I throw it out? Is it of any use? Shall I just play with it! Yes, to play with it seems best.

I have no big purpose in working on it now, other than play, and simple curiosity. A curiosity to look back on my childhood. To look for clues as to what made me such a seeker after truth. A curiosity as to whether it would be entertaining to others to read.

Making it public on a blog just seems like more fun. Will it interest anyone? Do they care that it is full of typos? Will readers care enough to point them out? Perhaps I will get some good suggestions on how to improve it.

Putting it out on a blog doesn't seem very personal. Is it really my story anyhow? Is the story about me? Or, is it just a story -- a story of a body mind, privy to this particular appearance?

The feeling here is that it is just a story. It is not my story, because I know I am not a body, nor a particular mind. It's just that awareness is here, and knows this story.

The blog is called "heart of darkness revisited." Here: http://heartofdarknessrevisited.blogspot.com. In blog form I can get comments, a plus, but the book is backwards, as the latest chapter is up front. Oh, well, readers will figure that out. Being anal, and wanting chapters in order, I also put them on a google site as well, http://sites.google.com/site/surkwilu. But the site doesn't take comments, as far as i can tell, so if you have any, leave them on the blog. Enjoy!

What's to Watch?

2010-07-11T11:42:00.000-05:00

A few random thoughts do come into awareness now and then. Mostly they are the dregs from the long spiritual search. They are thoughts, such as, is there anything more for me to do? Anything more for me to search for? They don't carry much weight. So that's a good thing. Like I said, they are dregs from the bottom of the barrel.

A sample random thought might be: Should I watch my thoughts? Yet, I don't see how I could watch my thoughts as there are so few anymore -- mostly related to whatever task I am doing in the moment. Nothing intrusive. Not much left but to do, but be, responding to the moment.

Enough Already

2010-07-11T11:34:00.000-05:00

We can talk about subtle refinements that relate to understanding non duality till the cows come and the dog is asleep. However, at some point, even the subtleties of non duality become trivial banter.

When there is wonder -- looking at the rain, a flower, a puppy, and you have no answers, is that not enough? When you feel the intelligence, the love, the incredibleness of it all, what more do you need?

Do you need an answer? Does wonder have an answer? Does awareness of the all pervasive intelligence need an answer?

What questions arise now? What need is there? What more could you search for? Is there anything else you need to know?

A Grave Site

2010-06-27T21:59:00.003-05:00

Two weeks before my Dad died, my brother and I went to the hospice to visit him. He was feeling relatively strong that day, so we got him out of bed, dressed him, and got him into a wheelchair. After talking for awhile, Dad said, "I want to go see where I will be buried."

Now, if we were in denial, and he weren't in hospice care, this might seem rather ghoulish. However, things being what they were, this seemed like a reasonable request. My brother and I were certainly capable of getting him in and out of my car.

We wheeled Dad down to the nurses station. I informed the nurse that we were going to take Dad out for awhile. She asked, "Where will you be taking him?"

"He wants to go see where he will be buried," I replied,

This was not what the nurse expected to hear. She raised her eyebrows at me, but I just looked back, straight faced. She then looked at my brother. He was also straight faced. She then looked at my Dad. He said nothing. She turned back to me and said, "When will you be bringing him back?"

I was not taking to this inquisition very well. I replied, "We're not bringing him back. We are going to leave him there. " This was a bigger shock than our previous answer. She looked at me rather horrified, and then at my brother, then at my Dad.

That's when my Dad stared laughing. It was a good wholehearted laugh. The nurse looked at all of us, tried to keep a straight face, and then started laughing with us. Shortly, I wheeled Dad out of the hospice.

We drove the cemetery. We got Dad out and wheeled him across the hard ground. It was a hot July in the Midwest. The grass was brown. We found the grave site and paused. We let Dad take in the scenery and have his thoughts.

His grave was to be right next to his wife, our mother, who had died a few years before. We didn't say much, each wrapped in our own thoughts. When Dad began to look tired, I said, "Well, I think we should go now."

"Oh," said Dad, "I thought you were going to leave me here." We had another good laugh. All in all, a pleasant afternoon.

Vive la différence!

2010-06-27T21:32:00.000-05:00

The individual self and the One Self are a whole. However, the whole does not disavow the individual self, for it is its very source.

Non duality means there is no real separation. So the individual self is not to be disparaged, maligned, and demoted, for it is an expression of the whole.

The Whole operates in a variety of expressions, and each species, each individual life form, is equally divine. Each individual expression is an expression whose origin is the whole. To dishonor the individual self is to dishonor the whole.

We are not meant to be abandoned to a feeling of isolation, as if we are alone in world. In fact, the feeling of isolation is so abhorrent, that we look for wholeness.

The oneness of life, as in the teaching of non duality, can be discovered. However, even when discovered, there is still a body present, that has individual needs. Needs and desires may or may not disappear with realization.

The experience of duality and non duality both come from the same Source. Whether one awakes in this lifetime or not, the same source is operational.

During a particularly lonely experience, I was looking out the window on a cold winter night. I began to watch a squirrel, sitting on a snow covered branch, eating alone. The loneliness, the singularity of that particular squirrel, became overpowering.

Noting, that no one in this world cared whether the squirrel lived or died, or ever would ever care, my loneliness merged with the aloneness of squirrel. A feeling of oneness with the squirrel became real and overwhelming. Where was the separation in our experience?

The oneness, the unity in our apparent separate lives was palpable. It made no difference that we were of entirely separate species. The oneness was self evident.

One could wrap logic around this experience, and try to explain it. But truth is beyond logic, ineffable, and not provable, but it can be experienced. The experience of non duality, the subjective knowingness, is the confirmation.

So let us enjoy our individuality, even if it is not the ultimate truth. As the French say, "Vive la différence! "

Communicating Love

2010-06-22T22:21:00.000-05:00

When my Dad was dying, when his limbs started turning blue, he sent me home. He wanted to die alone.

However, when I got home, the phone rang, it was Dad. I said, "Dad, you just sent me home! Why are you calling?

He said, "I just want to be sure the lines of communication are open."

Those were the last words he ever spoke to me. After a lifetime of poor communication, to have those be his last words, was simply love.

A Quiet Mind Works Well

2010-06-22T21:45:00.000-05:00

You might think that when the mind gets quiet, really quiet, that you wouldn't be able to do much. I find the opposite to be true.

Jesus said, "The truth will set you free." Perhaps, the truth so quiets the mind, that you actually arrive at being Being, here and now. And when you are eternal Being, what is there to fear, and what is here to bind you?

The mind here in this body is 61 years old, but it is not quiet from being old. It is quiet from Being at peace. And that peace makes the mind very efficient at work. The mind is not distracted by personal thoughts, and only what is before me is what is on the mind.

Later, at the end of the day, on the bus coming home from work, a bit of the personal self might grab a few dregs of its remnants and say, "Well, now that I gave all my brains to the computer, dumped into Word and Excel, what do I have left for myself?" But even this doesn't last long. It just doesn't have much to hold on to any more.

What is interesting is that the search for truth brought my mind to stillness, and that very stillness allows for productivity.

Granted, if I didn't have to work to eat, I would probably be more entertained by what I was able to do during the day, but the beingness, the quietness, would still be dominant, and that is the critical factor.

I also find that not having a lot of ego to support, keeps one's involvement in the politics of the work environment to a minumum. I don't need to toot my own horn. What is interesting is that if one doesn't toot one's own horn, you find that the most unlikely folks will step up and toot it for you.

Lastly, I spend most of my day at work being creative. I look for where I can play, and spend hours coming up with something new. As long one periodically comes up with a new application, or new way of doing, or managing work, everyone thinks you've been working really hard.

Being is being, and has been being for a long, long time. Being isn't going anywhere either, so being will be around for a long, long time. Actually, forever! So, we can just relax into it and just play, and the work will get done.

A Story

2010-06-20T16:15:00.000-05:00

A story is a story and not the truth. The teller can only tell the the tale as it was in their experience. I have a story like each of you, and wonder if it might be interesting to others. Is there something in the pain of life that causes some of us to search more deeply than others for the truth? If such a story of my life is of interest, you can find chapter one here:

http://heartofdarknessrevisited.blogspot.com/

Discernment

2010-06-11T16:13:00.000-05:00

The world is not like any one of us think it should be. Unless of course, we have given up our our beliefs regarding how the world should be.

Suffering is a good indication of how many untrue beliefs we carry. If we insist that "We should not suffer," we are simply saying, "My beliefs are more important than how the world actually is." To sustain this belief will guarantee continued suffering.

Knowing how things should be is the primary force behind suffering. However, were we to not know how things should be, we would still have discernment, which allows for preference, but without insistence.

Giving up our "shoulds" does not mean that we no longer have preferences, it's just that we no longer insist on them. We have given up insisting that the world should be as we see fit.

Any should will result in condemnation. Condemnation of how things are, how we ourself are, and how others are. Living in condemnation of self and others is suffering.

With discernment we can imagine what the world could be, but without the illusion that it should be so. We can still be the change we want to see, but not believe that others should be so.

True spirituality is by invitation, is is never insistent. It does not proselytize, nor condemn. It simply holds to the light that is.

Lovingness may be an ideal of how the world could be, but there is no evidence that this is how it should be.

My invitation is to let go of how the world should be. Let go of how others should be. Let go of how you should be. Simply see how you are, and accept that this is how you are.

This does not mean that you give up discernment. You can still have your preferences, just don't insist on them. Know them, even strive for them. But do not insist that others should have the same ideals, much less strive for them.

Be the person you would like others to be. Do your best to live up to our own ideals. This is a decent way to be, but not a requirement for yourself or others.

Be what you would like to see. Be responsible for the effort, but not responsible for the result. The result will be what it is.

Not a Victim of the Drama

2010-06-06T12:10:00.001-05:00

I know from subjective experience that all is one. However, having experienced the truth of that, does not necessarily allow me to live in that space all the time.

In fact, while in that space I became aware that I couldn't live in that space and function in the world "as it is." There was no me in that space. At the time of this awareness I had small children. Who would take care of them if I was in a state of non functional bliss?

The state of that subjective experience came numerous times, and I had to hold back from doing what seemed instinctive: hug the neighbors, help the old cross the street.

Everyone was Me. If I had acted from that impulse, I would never even get to work.

Having experienced that, knowing that, here I am in the purgatory of this as it is. Is this so bad? No. The drama plays on. This that I experience as my personal self still feels, reacts, holds positions, gets angry, carries resentments.

While I know that ultimately I am not the little self, a personal self, there is still the experience of it. There is no point in rejecting it. God's will is in operation, is it not?

There are more advanced souls than I, who can perhaps, maintain subjective Oneness, and still function in this world. Not I. Though I am no less One than they. Perhaps they are further along the road. Same path, same Oneness, just at a different point.

The deck of cards doesn't arbitrarily give me cards that I can't handle. I have asked for the hand. For, in seeking purity, one gets the "Everything that's not pure hand" dealt. It provides the opportunity to see the remaining impurities up close. Hence the drama.

My only task is to partake willingly of the drama, without resentment, without claiming to be a victim, without complaining. I must acknowledge the drama as mine. Mine to look at, mine to work through. What an opportunity!

I do not wish I was more enlightened. There is just this journey. Where I am is exactly where I should be. The crap I have to deal with is my own. If I choose the higher road, the choices will change, the scenery will improve. If I don't, the hand will still be dealt, the hand will still be played.

Accepting the drama of where I am. Looking at it. Dealing with it, as it is, is the only game in town. This is it.

Be what it may, this is where I am, where I deserve to be. I am OK with it All, as it is. There is an eternity to work it through. The pace I am at is the perfect pace. It is all I am capable of. OK. OK. OK.

Waiting to Stub My Toe

2010-06-01T19:54:00.000-05:00

The joke around my home is that any day now I might stub my toe and become enlightened. Not like getting it from a flower, eh? "Oh my, where has the Buddha gone?"

I love the intellect, my own especially, but it can get tiresome. Without the intellect, certain development may not be possible, but at some point, the intellect is a barrier. I am, perhaps, at the barrier.

Writing another brilliant line of words is not going to please me. Nor another good book to read. I've read plenty. Another Satori would be fine. However, on the map of where I am, who knows?

Took a two week vacation in Arizona and it was quite fun. It had rained and the whole desert was in bloom. Did lots of hiking with my wife. We even managed to get lost in the desert with no food or water. There were plenty of coyote trails, but in over four hours we didn't see another person. We had to follow our footprints to get back to our car. Got a good tan.

We went to Arizona to attend an all day lecture by Dr. David R. Hawkins. I did not need to attend, and I can't say that I got any woo woo from being in his presence, but it was the only thing we could get motivated by, to leave home and travel.

There were people from all over the world. As Hawkins is in his eighties, he is not likely to be giving a lot more lectures. Krishnamurti died before I could see him, and I had airline tickets in hand. Didn't want a repeat of that.

There is a space where meaning and essence are beyond words, not explainable, not provable, but experienced. Been there done that. It's the coming down from there that's the bummer.

A jolt of that much essence is like the best drug high you couldn't even imagine. So, once experienced, it's pretty boring dropping back into the way things were before you knew better. But knowing better and being there are two different things.

When you tell God you want to surrender, he takes you at your word. The whole universe will conspire to let you prove it. The dealer says, "Pick another card. Oh, shit, it's go to jail and don't pass Go."

Purgatory is here. It's where you play the game. The ups, the downs. Oh, the humanness of it all! If you've had a taste of ecstasy, not the drug, but the natural high of unmitigated source, everything else is just so so. Limbo land.

However, having had the taste, having had the view, anything less is a wasteland of okayness. There is much peace here, contentment, but not joy. Certainly not the overwhelming experience of beauty that really kicks your ass!

Perhaps I can take solace from Milton, who said that, "He who stands and waits, also serves." I am waiting. I am on the edge of moving on, but moving on cannot be forced. And waiting with expectancy is okay. Just a little boring.

There is little will power here, and I am not the doer. I can pray, but don't often feel like it. I can contemplate, but my mind is asleep. So best to wait. I ponder when it arises unbidden. I rest in the knowing that all is well, whether I feel it or not.

Thanks to "know one in particular" for asking me how I was doing. So, now you have it.

God bless, Maury

Hallelujah

2010-02-07T20:24:00.000-06:00

That which is, is all that is, and has it's reasons, though I do not understand.

Hallelujah is all I can say to the Lord's perfection, which I don't understand.

The mystery is beyond what this mind can understand, yet the intuitive heart knows, hallelujah!

Faith is the only response to this, with no better expression than Hallelujah.

The victory is on my knees, in full submission, mouthing hallelujah!

Before this mystery, this masterful piece of oneness, nothing more than hallelujah satisfies.

Pride and arrogance are fallen in disgrace, tried and discarded as so much chaff.

Lord, have mercy on this soul in disgrace, while home is a hair's breadth away.

While the mind never knows the answers, yet my soul sings hallelujah.

My hands are tied, my knees are bent, my head is bowed, yet my heart sings but hallelujah.

School is almost over, nothing new was learned, but letting go.

Hallelujah tells the story that in the end nothing worked but surrender.

For surrender is the joining with that which is. Hallelujah!

Space

2009-12-26T11:56:00.001-06:00

There is a vegetative nothingness here, silent, non thinking, non verbal. There is no need to think, no need to do, just this, whatever it is.

Now and then little ripples of "should" arise, "Shouldn't I this," or "Shouldn't I that." But there is no drive behind them -- dregs at the bottom of an empty barrel.

You can tap on the sides and hear the echo of emptiness. The vacuum resounds, and one can say nothing other than "So?"

It is all taken care of, whatever it is. Only what arises to be done will be done. Where that which is to be done arises from is unknown.

How does emptiness communicate? Seekers must go elsewhere to find barrels full -- full of words, full of wisdom, full of something to quench their thirst. It is not to be found here.

Less is more. The lesser grows, and more is more and more disinclined. Peace, restless, knowing nothing about its place in this busy world.

No place for labels to stick, to have their say and take hold. No place for all the doing that labeling wants to push along. No hold in this vacuum to grab.

Space is what is. Space, unending, in which all this passes. Space in which even these words are essentially meaningless. For words are parts, division, and an effort at pointing at what is undivided, whole, and timeless.

Refinements of Consciousness

2009-11-24T17:53:00.007-06:00

The word food does not satisfy hunger, nor the word water satisfy thirst. Both are labels only. However, they are pointers to something that is more substantial, actual, and needed for our physical survival.

In the more subtle realms of consciousness, labels are also valid pointers. These, subtle levels, however abstract, may also be pointed to.

Consciousness cannot be denied as it is a basic truth. You are aware and conscious of I am. Yet it becomes a little more circumspect when we begin to refine our terms as to exactly what consciousness is, and how we might understand it better.

When I speak of levels of consciousness it is but a refinement, a tuner of sorts into the subtleness of consciousness. Perhaps a little harder to grasp, but no less real than consciousness itself.

If you are traveling from A to B, no point on the journey is better than another as regards the objective. Each point is but a position between the two.

Just as a landscape has points of perspective, so do the various levels of consciousness. In a landscape, one can point to a bend in the road, a ridge, or a particular view. Just so, in the field of consciousness, points of perspective can be seen, and depending on the definitions used, be labeled and described.

In the refinement of our description of levels of consciousness, perspective is a key. The levels are defined by perspective, including beliefs, attitudes, and positionalities.

The world which appears in consciousness is determined by the positionalities that create the perspective. Though the scale and the demarcation points may be arbitrary, based on how the scale and levels are defined, the labels applied will point to something just as real as consciousness itself.

The levels can be roughly defined as a movement from fear to love. All the corollary attitudes between the two can be laid out. And how the world appears at points on the scale can also be outlined.

Realization and Enlightenment are points on the journey. Different points to be sure, than earlier perspectives which may have included suffering. Perspectives and attitudes prior to enlightenment can then be compared to earlier positions. It is only the difference that allows one to say, "Ah, now things are better."

Consciousness is a continuum. It is not static. Realization and enlightenment are not static states, though many assume that is so. Realization may be a satori that progresses no further, but sometimes it may. Just so, enlightenment is not necessarily static either. It may or may not progress further. In some, there is a further deepening and expansion.

It is due to this continuum that the understanding of realization and enlightenment is confusing. People think that realization or enlightenment is a one shot deal, all inclusive, final. It is not. A cooked goose can be more or less well done, and certainly different in shape and size.

There is a level of consciousness which can be assigned to realization. There is a level of consciousness to which enlightenment may can be assigned. Not an absolute assignment, but certainly indicating a certain level of consciousness. Most would consider it a higher state, or level, than what we would call the normal human condition.

Yet even these, realization, enlightenment, are not carved in stone, static, or final, in the sense that no further revelation may occur. Further development, advancement in understanding may still occur. Sometimes it does.

Consciousness is on a journey. A glorious and messy journey. Call it the play of Lila, or the mess of samsara, most want better than worse, and peace over conflict and suffering.

It is not an error to consider consciousness as a continuum with various levels. We are participants at different different positions, or levels if you will. We call some things good, some bad. We name up and down. To ascribe levels to what we experience in consciousness is not a sin.

We who have sought enlightenment have to admit that it appeared to be a better state, or condition, than what we were in. At least considered it better, perhaps a higher state, and had it as a goal. Perhaps we called it a search for truth, knowing nothing of the term.

Whether seeking truth, or enlightenment, or ultimate peace, we found it more desirable than our present condition. So, for the purposes of pointing, for education, we can say that enlightenment is higher on the scale than misery.

However arbitrary the scale, positions may be ascribed and labels applied. Is not jealousy lower, and unconditional love higher?

Whether or not there is a goal in the Absolute, we in our participation, our journey, perceive higher and lower levels of consciousness. We appear to strive for higher ground. And though there is no Rx, and no path, we are all at different levels.

Food, water, or levels of consciousness, all are words, concepts, yet pointing to something. Levels of consciousness can be described, and labels applied. It's useful for pointing to the subtleties of consciousness. Isn't enlightenment itself a label?

A Quiet Mind

2009-11-21T19:24:00.005-06:00

At some point projections end -- most of them, anyway. When they end, peace seems to reign -- stories don't get created, and rumination ceases. It's rather delightful. Some call it peace of mind.

I always thought it silly to try and develop a quiet mind. Somehow, I always knew that a quiet mind, like happiness, was the result of something else -- a side effect.

That something else isn't realization, because, after realization, there is still considerable unraveling to do.

Basically, getting rid of projections is the journey. Projections are 99% based on conditioning. It's what your ego believes can happen, might happen, or will happen. Some of it may be true, most of it is just a nightmare dream-scape.

There isn't some sudden realization that will give you peace of mind, although it may help. Realization shows other possibilities, other options. But then there is still work to do.

Years ago, I could walk into a room, and looking at the people in the room, automatically start myriad, dysfunctional, internal conversations. These internal discussions were based on how each person looked, how old they were, how they stood, etc.

The conversations would go something like this: Well, she's tall and good looking, she must be haughty, spoiled, and hasn't had to think or struggle much. She gets what she wants because she just happens to look good. So I wouldn't like her and there is no point in approaching her.

And that guy there, with the plaid shirt and yellow shorts -- is a likely golfer, and therefore has money, and is probably very conservative. He and I wouldn't have much in common, and tying to talk to him would be pointless.

Well, you get the drift. These automatic conversations were not something under my conscious control, but they certainly were tied to my fears, and therefore ego based. And this over active conflagration tore at me like a dog chasing it's tail.

After much therapy, and a lot of work, those types of stories, just died. I didn't try and stop them, they stopped because the buried fears, assumptions, suppositions and positions, were dropped. The pain that sustained them was felt and released.

Basically, all my shit was sustained by pain I didn't know was there, or rather, was afraid to feel. Unconscious pain was the driving force of my neurosis, and it was unconscious and out of control because it was repressed. The projection of it distorted my whole world.

At one point, the disjointed universe of my projections caused so much pain, that I found it worthwhile to go looking for the real pain. The source being inside, not out there.

I found a good teacher, and I trusted that whatever I was forced to feel -- to acknowledge, I could handle. It wasn't easy, but the amount of pain uncovered was beyond belief.

The result of that work, and much personal inquiry, is a quiet mind. Now I live in the peace. Unwanted internal conversations don't happen. Only what I am looking at, or doing, is what is going on. There are no internal discussions about it. There is freedom. The silence is deafening, and wonderful.

Nondual Logical Proofs

2009-11-09T20:45:00.004-06:00

Why are all the logical proofs of nonduality necessary for some, and yet for others, looking at a flower is proof enough.

It amazes me that a particular teacher's logic, that satisfies their mind as to the absoluteness of nonduality, does nothing for me. Leaves me cold.

And yet, for me, the fact of absolute nonduality is just as real. It was for me an intuitive knowing, here since childhood.

It was however, also true, that the knowing was outside the purview of mind. And the mind, as we know, is a stubborn child. It wants proof! So all my searching was to satisfy the mind, that the intuitive knowing was correct.

The drive to satisfy the mind as to what I already knew, drove the search. If that knowing had not been there, what would have driven such a cursed and painful pursuit?

The mind wants to know, to understand and accept, what intuitively, is already known. Without that intuition, there never would have been a search.

What profound insights the search unveiled, trying to help the mind come to terms with what was already known. Granted, the knowing was via some other mechanism -- intuition, which the mind has trouble accepting. Intuition is to the mind, a stubborn and unruly child.

So the intuitive knowing drives the mind, sometimes literally, outside and beside itself. The pain can be immense, for the mind does not easily come into agreement with intuition. Mind, literally must take itself apart. Push itself to the limit, and beyond.

In the process, this bodymind, experienced mystical unitive states of absolute knowing, that the mind could not deny. The absoluteness and authority of the knowing was unquestionable. Yet the mind still wanted to know in it's own way. Over many years, the mind relaxed, Knowing that it could not have proof the way it preferred.

Currently, the knowing is here. Yet I cannot prove it logically, even to myself. Neither can another's logic prove it to me. But the knowing is here.

Listening to the proofs of other's is laughable. Not to deny the fact that such logic may help others by bringing into question their own limited perceptions and positions.

Just for fun, because that is what this is for me now, let me lay down the closest thing to logic that satisfies this particular bodymind regarding nonduality.

All I need, for knowing the fact of nonduality, is that I didn't make myself. This bodymind is a created object, not unlike all the other bodymind objects. Those objects outside of me did not create themselves either.

Logically, I cannot say that awareness and consciousness are in this bodymind individually or exclusively. Other bodyminds speak to me of their perceptions, their awareness too. We can agree on much, such as a chair being in the room, or the sound of a dog barking.

So awareness and consciousness are not exclusive to me. The only aspect of the field that is exclusive to me, is my interpretation of what is perceived. A story so to speak. My story. But you also have a story.

The common denominator of my consciousness and other's, is awareness. I can see that as created objects, my bodymind and other bodyminds are participants only. Awareness is common to all, impersonal. The personal is only an interpretation.

Awareness is impersonal. Consciousness is just the personalized aspect of it. I partake, as do you. And also the cat, the dog, the sheep and the donkey.

A second proof for me, is to simply look at a flower. The shear amazement that it exists, as it does, and that I see it, is enough. The beauty of it does not allow me to deny the power, the creativity, the absolute authority, of the beingness behind it.

The proofs above do it for me. But they are really just aperitifs for the mind. Not really necessary to the truth. Intuitive knowing is, and was, already there. The mind just needed to be massaged and put to bed.

Five Thousand Fingers

2009-10-16T21:28:00.004-05:00

Five thousand fingers pointing to the moon, each in a different direction. If you stood them all together, it would look like a waving field of grain. The only place they could be pointing, would be everywhere. Including exactly right here.

Best to keep your own head, for those that would like to chop it off are a dime a dozen. Spiritual naiveté is no excuse. Best place no head above your own.

When you follow out of resonance, be sure to realize that it was your decision. No one drags you to the end of any particular finger. If it's the middle finger, best take the hit, you did it to yourself.

Guru worship is a sin. When you follow, follow what resonates within yourself. Place yourself in the top position so you can only blame yourself. Wolves in sheep clothing come a dime a dozen.

So many fingers waving in the sun, pointing to the top of the mountain, but the Zen you find up there is what you carried with you.

So many fingers pointing to the moon, each to it's own antenna, make for dangerous traveling. Find your own finger, your own antenna. Keep on your toes until you collapse from finger following into your own deep well.

Keep in mind that when you get there, you will see that there was nowhere to get, only what you overlooked.

Prism Breakout

2009-10-07T21:50:00.003-05:00

Who among us really sees what is? We are too busy with our stories, too embedded in our positions, our own prism of light. Our light is broken, parted, placing the whole in shadows.

We see content only, selected content. We see only through our personal light. Like rose colored glasses. It reflects only our story, in our selected light.

We do not see the big picture with the whole spectrum of light. We are out of context, separated, seeking to make the world conform.

The true picture is hidden in the colors we do not see. We demand the world come to us in our version of light. So we are lost, alienated from the whole. It won't conform. We claim the world has left us all alone, abandoned, strangers in a strange land.

But it is we who insist on our own personal view. It is our own narcissistic demand that alienates. It is we who have abandoned the whole, preferring to see it our way. It is we ourselves who have refused to see without judgment, without condemnation.

What is, is. If we would look at the world as it is, without our positions, allowing the whole spectrum of light, we might see something different. If we allowed the whole context, in which we are only a small part, to come into view, we might find ourselves embraced.

Between the Lines

2009-09-29T23:20:00.002-05:00

I like the deep, profound thoughts of solitary men, because they point best beyond themselves. Like poetry that uses few words, and re-arranges them so the shock takes you beyond them.

Oh yes, this is it! But, who shall point to it with ordinary words? That which is beyond the words, ineffable, is waiting for you to stumble off them, and fall between the lines. There, in that empty space is everything.

The enlightenment-disease/

2009-09-28T20:47:00.001-05:00

http://www.mushin.eu/en/blog/beyond-the-enlightenment-disease/

Karma or Choice

2009-09-24T18:50:00.006-05:00

We are not here for our own individual purposes. All you have done is discovered that you are here. Granted, that makes you innocent.

However, if you are a soul who travels in and out of body life cycles, perhaps you are bringing unknown Karma with you? Your innocence may be mistaken.

Did you arrive trailing clouds of glory, with a little Karmic inheritance to fulfill? Perhaps an unknown agenda to live out? There may be choices to be made, a range that expands or constricts, depending on what you do.

Do you fall into temptation, or do you strive for some inner knowing? Do you hesitate? Or do you reach toward the light? Is seeking really a curse, or is it a choice you made, to claw and scrape beneath the surface?

On what grounds can you defend your seeking? Hasn't all your seeking been a response to this? Have you been driving or has it been driving you?

Intuitively you know your agenda is unique. It has informed your entire life. Your uniqueness is more than genes, more than nurture.

Your seeking pivots on an unknown source. The fulcrum is somewhere out of sight. But it drives you. Somewhere, deep inside, you know you chose it.

Language, Symbols, Words

2009-09-22T22:20:00.002-05:00

What is language that we should pay it any mind? Language gives us the ability to step outside ourselves, to observe ourselves, to become the observer.

It is due to this ability, our naming, our symbols, that we step outside ourselves and know time, know eternity, know death.

It is this ability which gives us our greatest joy, our greatest sorrow. It is this ability, thinking, that was our fall in the Garden of Eden.

But this was a necessary fall, necessary for consciousness to know itself.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." John 1:1

or

In the beginning was consciousness, and the Word was consciousness, and consciousness was God.

The Ocean

2009-09-13T22:43:00.002-05:00

Waves arise on the ocean,
traveling they know not where.

Waves arise on the ocean,
traveling near and far.

Waves arise and fall,
collapse and merge.

The lighthouse is steady
on the shore.

The light shines for
one and all.

Waves are moving on the Ocean.
All are going home.

Each has its journey unplanned,
back to the sea.

One

2009-09-13T22:30:00.002-05:00

One and one is two,
in the linear world.

One and one is ONE,
in the nonlinear world.

One and many are multiple
in the linear world.

One and many is a field of ONE,
in the nonlinear world.

The world of ONE is full of ones.
One and one and one are ONE.

Unbidden, Freedom Came Knocking

2009-09-11T17:26:00.002-05:00

Unbidden, freedom came knocking. Just walking into the kitchen, taking a break from writing, simple freedom came walking too. It walked right in and sat down, easily.

The freedom was noticed, lightly, just here. It was breezy. It didn't need to do anything. It had no agenda. Ah, so easy to go with it.

The feeling is simple, and simplifies everything. Freedom is free, and it is not out there. It is here, right here. It doesn't bind the personality, it sets it free.

I don't care if I'm enlightened or not. I don't care if I'm eternal or not. I don't care if what I write pisses someone off. I just don't care. It doesn't bother me that there are a lot of "I"s in this paragraph.

The untouchable I is free. It doesn't matter whether a teacher, friend or foe is angered. I am free of those sentiments, those judgments. I am free to contradict myself. And surely will.

If I feel separate I will play with it. If only One is here, I am that. The big play is on, just like the little play. The dance is all.

The Open Teacher

2009-09-11T13:29:00.005-05:00

There are a lot of teachers out there that get one thing, and poof, they're off to the races. I can read, or listen to some, and yet, whatever it is, they don't have it. Many don't speak to me. Many don't have it for me. And some are dangerous. Not dangerous in a good way.

Speaking mildly, there are a lot of teachers out there that are full of crap. They had some experience, their ego grabbed it, they crowned themselves and set up shop. They can't see their ignorance, and neither can the naive student. Caveat Emptor!

Getting one thing doesn't make one enlightened. It's a little more subtle than that. I've said before, a couple whami satoris doesn't cut it. A bird with one wing can sit on a stool, but he can't fly.

A true teacher will have authority, but it will be tempered with humility. Look for a light heart. If they don't laugh, if they don't have a sense of humor, run for the hills!

I've woken up at night from a bad nightmare, but I've never been awake in a dream. In daylight, I'm pretty awake, and crap looks like crap. I avoid it.

There seem to be two major groups of Advaita, one group says you don't exist, the other group says you do. One group insists that you are nothing, have no freedom, and no choice. The other says we do exist and have the responsibility of growth.

One group tends to sees things rather simply, the other group seems more nuanced. The later group accepts that people do exist, that enlightened teachers exist, that there is Karma, and there is some freedom within Karma. There are teachers in both groups that ring true.

If all is one, it can be easily said that the individual does not exist, is nothing, a fleeting image at best. Being nothing, free from responsibility, appears to be quite liberating. This group celebrates no individual, no meaning, no purpose, no goal. Yet, can you trust a teacher who has no meaning, no responsibility, no goal? If neither he nor you exist, why bother?

In the day to day lives we lead, in this appearance, freedom has never been separated from responsibility. Is it different than above? Is "As above, so below," a myth? Go ahead, try being free without responsibility in this appearance. It won't last long.

Both groups can agree on oneness, unity, and eternity. It is the individual which poses the difference. Is the individual real or not? Does the individual have one appearance and merge into the One at death? Or does the individual have many lives, and limited choice due to Karma, and join the One as a soul after death?

If you read the stories and books on the near death experience, it becomes pretty clear that consciousness as an individual can and does exist outside the body.

My own brother, fell from a bridge one winter day, hit the river, broke through the ice and sank. He tells how he floated up the river bank looking at his body under the water. He began yelling at it, "If you don't move, you're dead."

He could see all around. He watched his buddies get out of the pickup truck, scramble down the bank, reach under the ice and pull his body out by the hair. When they dragged him back into the truck, suddenly he was back in the body, cold and shivering.

My voice mail from him said, "I drowned, but I'm alive." He was so amazed! I also work with a guy who was in a near fatal car wreck. He was revived in the emergency room. He too can speak about being out of the body, conscious, as an individual.

Of course, those without the experience, or without an open mind, can dismiss these as hallucinations. To dismiss these accounts they will use whatever suites them. This does not however prove NDE's invalid. Studies show that an out of the body experience does not change the person very much, but an NDE does.

I marvel at the complexity of life -- the creativity and outrageousness of it. So, although the simple answer is easier to grasp, the outrageous that rings true, seems more like what I see around me.

Since I appear to be here, and sense that I am is here, I don't deny it. Will I merge with the One after this life, or after many lives? Is there a progression of lives, and Karma to be dealt with, or not? The end result is the same. Eternity reigns. The One is.

Is this appearance as an individual a lie? Can I discount it with impunity? I admit I didn't create myself personally as an individual, so I must be part of a larger whole. A part, expressing a part of the whole, is still not separate.

Are their levels of consciousness? Levels of enlightenment? Can a teacher, like the rest of us get stuck on one idea? Are some teachers more open after awakening than others? Does growth stop in the teacher?

All of this today is to keep things clear. No one has all the answers. No one has the one answer pinned down. It is still up to the individual to determine what resonates. The truth will set you free, but only if you experience subjectively.

What is Enlightenment?

2009-09-10T13:31:00.003-05:00

Words are not adequate. They do not touch what is. Words cannot describe the experience of satori because they are too limited. They cannot describe enlightenment. But words can point. Some better than others. Presently, let me try and fail again.

In one satori, I realized that I had to let it go because there was no I there. No personal I. No Maury. It was an exquisite experience. The message received was that I was surrounded by absolute beauty, always had been, and always would be, whether I was aware of it or not. It was a clear message from absolute authority.

It was letting me know that after the experience, and the little I returned, that the beauty would still be there. It let me know that though the veil would return, and the beauty would be hidden, in truth it was there. In fact for weeks afterwards I cried at the beauty of many things. Yet, the beauty faded.

Currently, I am not as aware of beauty as I was during that satori. Have I lost something? Or have I just become habituated? I can recall the experience. But how does a personal I recall an experience in which there was no personal I? A conundrum to be sure.

Can we say that there is actually only One Subjective I? All other I's just emanations of that One? Can that Singular One, the One and Only I, not have an experience? Does the One have to have little ones to experience? My inclination is that the Great Subjective Single I, can and does experience itself.

When the little I dissolves into the Big One, there is only the Great Single I experiencing itself. Awareness becomes aware of itself. It experiences the little I as well, feeling the little I dissolve, feeling the absence of the little I's presence. It experiences the Oneness of itself.

All of this to say that enlightenment is not a satori or two. It is Awareness becoming aware of itself permanently. For a form, a person, to know itself as background, a manifestation only in the field of awareness, to know Awareness is the ground, the being, the Only One, that perhaps is enlightenment.

Where Is One After Satori

2009-09-10T11:24:00.002-05:00

After a satori or two, many think they are enlightened. Is that so? The Unitive Experience, which always comes unbidden, arrives like a tsunami with overflowing ecstasy, overpowering oneness, and explicit absolute authority. There is no desire, wish, or possibility of challenge.

Many a satori lasts for only seconds, yet in those seconds it is eternity which is known. It is eternity one knows. Sometimes the unitive effect lasts for days, and giving and receiving are the same word. One and another are not separate -- separate appearance, separate form, but not separate in reality.

Yet long or short, satori doesn't last. Does one or two of these make one enlightened? After one of these, does the ego come back and grab it, like a crown.

Are you now anointed? Does one place this experience in the ego's treasure chest and pronounce oneself, enlightened, teacher, knower?

And how does one live one's life when this satori, this experience dissipates? How does one live when the normal state returns? When in comparison, normal seems so much less. When normal has lost it's meaning. When it is pale in comparison, with no blood, no life, no truth.

It's like being an existentialist, yet knowing better. Like being in the wasteland, having tasted paradise. The taste of paradise, like a beacon, a lighthouse, known but not seen. There is nothing to grab.

Here and now, the field seems dull, slow, passable. But nothing in comparison to the taste. There is a waiting, a wondering. Why the taste? Why the knowing? One seems unnecessarily placed in the position of eating the cake and wanting it too. No middle ground. There was a taste, now only these dregs remain.

Untasted paradise leaves no measure for God. The existentialist may feel the hero. But when paradise has been tasted, there is a measure for God. Then what? This here, this now, so doesn't measure up.

Only trust remains. Trust in the unknown, trust in having known. Trust that Oneness is, though ungrasped. Only humility may reign, only submission, surrender, asking for revelation.

The Spiral Staircase

2009-09-01T20:50:00.000-05:00

The spiral staircase goes round and round. Take two steps up and one step down. Take a rest now and then. The railing is there.

The earthquake is calling. You fall. In the darkness going down, you see light at the bottom of the shaft, and realize that in the tumult, your bearings were lost, and you are hurling up, not down.

You pop out the top, into the light. You have landed on solid ground. You look down the spiral staircase and notice that it is nothing but a shaft of light.

Mark Your Territory

2009-09-01T20:48:00.001-05:00

Mark your territory, like a dog. Let yourself be sniffed out. Stand your ground. Bang your gong. Mark your spot.

Be king of the hill. Manipulate the field. Bribe the feeding tube. Smother your friends in flattery. Smile at your superiority.

Just know that the sticky web you have built is your own prison, and will soon begin to stink. You have turned yourself into a toy, a cartoon image.

So mark your territory well. The sooner the better. For only then will you discover that it doesn't satisfy. Only then will you take off wandering the pathless path, leaving no trace.

The Sovereign Heart

2009-08-31T21:35:00.001-05:00

You cannot be in service of an idea if your are in service to your heart. For the heart is beyond ideas, even good ideas. It knows what the mind can never grasp.

The full heart risks the mind, breaches its walls, and sets itself free. Love reigns, for the sovereign heart beats in all.

The Other Side of Nothing

2009-08-18T20:12:00.003-05:00

Since all is one, there is in truth, no duality. So this thing, this body, this mind, is part of the non separation. We have already established that any separation is false.

There is nothing wrong with being a person, being a mind, having a personality, having therapy, working through a depression. All this is an expression of the One.

There is nothing but this. And what is this? It is fullness, and overflowing, and spawning endless fullness. Life in all forms, seething, writhing, jumping, cavorting.

One expression of fullness is personality. Billions of personalities. All important, none separate from the whole, none separate from the One.

Every single expression is That. Every single expression is one of the One, part of the wholeness. Each perfect in its expression and path.

Source is no thing in particular, but everything in its entirety. So nothing is everything. You can stand with the empty glass side, or stand with the full glass side. Either way, it's all the same.

I don't always enjoy my personality. But I certainly enjoy watching it. I get caught up in it and wallow in self pity, or get a big head about something I've done.

Then I step back and see what's been going on and have a good laugh. As a non separate part of the whole, I have to love the personality, don't I? It's doing the best it can.

Love is simply wanting the personality to reach its full potential. And perhaps have as much fun as possible doing it. Love doesn't mean I have to like every part of the personality, or even support all the parts. But having compassion for the ugly parts is love.

I can have compassion for people I can't help. I can have compassion for people I don't even want to help. And when I'm well aware of how much I dislike someone, and avoid them, I forgive myself. For "discretion is the better part of valor."

Each one of us is stumbling down the path, drunk with a small mind, and Everything is watching over us. We are our Friend.

Forget about Not Knowing

2009-08-15T12:53:00.003-05:00

Forget about "not knowing." Not knowing is actually your natural state. Go take a walk in the garden, look at the grass, the flowers, the birds. You do not know anything about them. You do not know how or why they are.

You already know that scientific reductionism is sterile. One answered question brings up ten new ones. Each answered question opens the door ever wider to what is unknown.

You are already prepared for the next moment. When driving your car on a country road unfamiliar to you, without even thinking, you go left when the road turns left, and right when it goes right. You slow down for the unexpected deer.

You can know a lot of things. The earth is no longer flat. All your knowing is tentative. Labeling and defining helps one maneuver, but does not define what is.

Trying to get rid of knowing is an ego trip. The bars just changed from black to white. This kind of effort is not needed. Ask, who is doing the undoing? Slip into the background and just watch.

Acknowledge that all knowing is tentative. Only a fanatic holds onto beliefs as if they were crucial to life. Only a fanatic would insist on not knowing.

Not knowing is the actual state of affairs. Awareness is always present. It accepts belief and non belief. It accepts knowing and not knowing. Where your mind goes, it is already there waiting.

Awareness is already present, open, ready, willing, without prescription. It is prior to your knowing and forgetting. Your definitions and labels, useful or not, are pointers only.

The body-mind is a vehicle only, roving the field. What it knows is useful to it, or harmful, but all its knowing is temporary and subject to change.

Just step back from what the body-mind sees, and thinks, and feels. You are already awareness which doesn't know. See this and you need no longer worry about knowing or not knowing.

Awareness doesn't need to know anything. That is what you are. Forget about knowing or not knowing. You are prior to that.

Only Now, Always This

2009-08-04T20:36:00.002-05:00

If you could just settle down into not knowing, and not caring that you don't know, and really getting a feel for that, then you would be close.

You are already close because what is, is already here, as all that is. All your thoughts and ideas are obstacles to seeing.

Let the not knowing overtake you, and unmotivate you, to the point that you just give up. Surrender to not knowing and drop off the cliff to nowhere.

You won't gain anything. You will loose the sense of I that thinks it had something, or lost something. You simply overlooked the obstacle -- yourself.

A subjective feeling, a knowing you can't shake, will overtake you. It is not bliss. Just ordinary truth. You can't grasp it, and you can't hold it.

The truth that sets you free gets rid of you. Not the body, not the mind, but the "I sense" of separateness.

Nowhere is everywhere. And you are here. One without a second, Awareness, Consciousness. You are that.

Where did the little you go? It was never really here. It was only a thought. Now there is only this. Only here. Only now, always and forever.

Beyond Voluntary Simplicity

2009-08-02T14:46:00.002-05:00

Imagine a rainbow that needed to be told that it was beautiful, that needed to be told it was the most beautiful of all rainbows, that needed to be told it was special. That's the kind of image the ego holds for itself.

Because the ego is an image, a bundle of self defining concepts, unnecessary things are needed to support it. It seeks compliments. It seeks entertainment. It creates complexity in its effort to support the image.

However, as the ego dissolves and recedes into the background, all the energy that went into defense and self promotion becomes unnecessary. No need to try and drop effort, there is nothing left to support any effort. Effortlessness is what is left.

When understanding comes, simplicity has an appeal that it didn't have before. It's like the mother bird, finding her nest empty.

Who's Playing on the field?

2009-07-29T20:38:00.003-05:00

The phantom character takes a position based on conditioning, beliefs, and genetic tendencies. We don't have to list the other five thousand unexamined causes.

None of the reasons for taking a position is important, it's only important to examine who is taking the position.

The bodymind takes positions, and later discards them. They're not permanent things. Positions are taken on and discarded like partners on the dance floor.

What positions the bodymind takes is not important. It's only important to see who is taking them on, and who is discarding them.

When you look it becomes apparent that this process is just a covering for the mind, like clothes are to the body.

To get down to brass tacks, stop looking at your positions, your judgments, of self and others, and look for what they are appearing on.

There is a blank mind on which a lot of trash has been dumped. You need to stop looking in the trash, and see who's looking.

At some point you look beyond the mind. You see the screen on which it is appearing, and realize that pure awareness is what you really are.

Pure awareness is the playing field in which conscious comes to play. Your bodymind is just one player on the field.

Be the field and enjoy the game.

Take No Position

2009-07-26T10:16:00.004-05:00

To deeply trust the way things are, without fear, has the perfume of truth.

You can't change what is, as you are part and parcel of it. You can only stop taking a position about it.

Not much more to do. Just don't look for bells or whistles. The ordinary becomes extraordinary when expectations drop.

Hold no head above your own, as no description of satori or bliss prescribes.

Whatever is, is totally subjective. How could it be otherwise? The subject is, I. One.

Hold on to nothing, as no thing is everywhere.

Advaita Shorts

2009-07-23T07:43:00.002-05:00

An I, identified as a seeker,
set off to find the Truth.
He never came back.

-----------------------

A seeker set a goal,
but never arrived.

------------------------

The tiger's mouth was scary,
but the belly of the beast
was warm.

-------------------

Truth bubbles up through the cracks
in your prison of belief,
and light slips in between the bars.

The Night Watchman

2009-07-23T07:40:00.000-05:00

Truth tiptoes by in the night,
when most are sleeping,
having spent most of the
day at the parade.

Only the night watchman
sees the apparition,
and follows it
out of town.

Circle of One

2009-07-23T07:21:00.003-05:00

The air we breathe travels through
the lion and the sheep.

The earth we eat,
like every living thing.

We leave behind what the
Dung Beatle calls his feast.

Our bodies lay to final rest,
and other forms take the vest.

The circle is unbroken,
playing on the field of One.

Nothing Never Changes

2009-07-21T23:11:00.003-05:00

Once you have the ultimate self doubt, the house of cards falls. Only then do you realize you were always safe.

If, all you are is this, what else is needed? Where can you escape to? What can you find?

You were always already this, and already always that. Here is there, and now is then, in a future that always was.

Everlasting Source was, is, and remains. You are that which never changes, reading this.

2009-07-16T21:14:00.003-05:00

In his autobiography,"Living to Tell the Tale," Gabriel Garcia Marquez, had this to say:

"I needed this old age without remorse to understand that the misfortune of my grand-parents in the house in Cataca was that they were always mired in their nostalgic memories, and the more they insisted on conjuring them the deeper they sank."

Now how enlightened in that? Isn't this one of the most poetic statements about our stories you've ever heard? Reading it just thrills my soul.

Great literature must touch on truth. It's the truth that carries the invisible carrier wave. It comes from the power of the words, and even from between the lines.

Seems there have always been enlightened souls. They just didn't go to Advaita groups, or have torturous definitions of what they were up to. They just knew.

Honoring the Self

2009-07-16T21:00:00.003-05:00

Granted, that the personal self is just as illusory as the clouds in the sky and the chair I am sitting on. The chair is only a chair conceptually, though it has a material substance. And the material itself as known by me, is an interpretation of the light passing through my eyes and my sense of touch.

Insistence on the illusory nature of the personal self is not the best ground on which to understand the non dual nature of the universe. All objects are illusory--interpretations of the senses.

For all practical purposes, the personal self should no more be denied than other useful objects, while due consideration is given to the fact that all is one.

In all humility, honoring the self, is also honoring the Source. Dishonoring the self, even for the sake of spiritual pursuit, is just another form of self flagellation. It certainly doesn't honor the Impersonal Self

A true foundation for honoring the non dual nature of life is simply to acknowledge the Impersonal Self behind all manifestation. To know this is to honor all, including the personal self.

Ultimately, The One and the many are one. Any separation is not the ultimate truth, but apparent separation is the nature of manifestation.

Therefore, to honor the personal self, as well as the Impersonal Self, is not only practical, but wise. Duality and non duality are one and the same.

Who Is What Is

2009-07-11T16:46:00.001-05:00

Someone did a search on Google.com for this quote:
"The one who makes it has no need for it. The one who buys it has no personal use for it. The one who uses it can neither see nor feel it and couldn't care less. What am I?"

They ended up here. I don't know if they were looking for an answer, or who the author was. The answer to both is Awareness.

Crude Markings Only

2009-07-09T20:45:00.005-05:00

You can't describe the taste of the unknown. It would then be known. The closest I can come to a description of the position one must take, is that one no longer insists on knowing. It is futile.

Do not depend on the idea of a final knowing. One cannot do it. Ask for revelation. One cannot figure it out. If one insists on knowing, then, in humility ask for revelation.

Things will remain the same until they don't. Satori, or an ecstatic unitive experience will not stay. You will not find a permanent state of bliss. You may, however, over time, find one doesn't react as one used to.

Unitive or ecstatic experience, comes and goes. It only leaves a taste - a remembrance of the truth. The taste provides faith. The authoritative experience has left. Now trust as you wander around in the unknown.

You may live an easy but dry existence. Completely go with the dry experience. Go to the depth of the dry. Heaven and hell are only an inch apart -- so they say.

The jump or leap may never come. It might be more like a mist rising in the far off hills. Realize it is you who is looking for a leap or jump. It is not a requirement. You cannot put that expectation on what is.

Hanging on to the idea of a jump or a leap is a way to hold off seeing what is. What is, is already present. Expectations may be a block.

All these words are pointers only. They are not the truth. All words about truth and enlightenment are crude markings on a map. The map is not the territory, and neither are these words.

Beyond Thought and Feeling

2009-07-07T20:00:00.003-05:00

"My understanding has been only intellectual & theoretical.."

Both intellect and the heart are paths. Both are valid. I suspect those with a strong intellect follow that path, and those with strong feeling follow the heart. Neither is better. Neither one is superior.

Nothing will so break the intellect as feeling. And thinking often unseats or stirs up great feeling. In the end, feeling and thought merge, and one feels one's thoughts and thinks one's feelings.

If your thinking mind comes to realize its limit; knows it cannot "get" this, then there can be a relaxation into something outside the constraints of thought.

A great anxiety may need to be experienced when thought is revealed to be inadequate. But, then again, if one considers that thought never did contain Truth, one might be able to move on, knowing that the security thought seemed to provide was never real.

Since thought never was adequate, one realizes that one did survive the illusion! The security was false, but survival was still the fact. In this manner, thinking, though not adequate, provides the proof that one can survive quite well with false security.

This realization may provide some relief in letting go of intellectual understanding, as one sees that it never was adequate, and so your dependency on it was never the security you thought it was.

"I am at a loss where the next step is."

There isn't a next step. You have simply reached the end of finding any security in thinking. Feeling is not going to provide the understanding either.

There is something else. It is called the unknown. It's not something one usually envisions as a place to rest. But in the end, when your mind is spent, and your emotions are spent, the unknown may be the only place you can find to rest. If you embrace the unknown, at least it is sure. It will remain unknown.

One realizes that one acted and reacted in unknowing, even when one thought one knew. It's like loosing your security blanket. It never really protected you from anything. You just thought it did.

After the unknown, a few lucky souls experience something else, a subjective knowing beyond thinking or feeling. It is a knowing that is unshakable. In the Christian tradition it has been described as "The peace that passeth understanding."

This knowing is not assailable by thought, because it is beyond it. It is not assailable by feeling either. The mystics called these experiences "unitive." Oneness with God is another description. The East calls these satori.

Keep in mind that the ecstasies of the the subjective experience, or satori, also do not last. But the taste provides a foundation in unknowing knowing. One is then neither happy nor sad, but just O.K. Just O.K. is a good thing. No more searching after high or low. Just this.

Soon enough one finds that one can rest, even function in unknowing. Thoughts may come and go, but they are not held on to. Feeling states come and go, but they are not held on to.

Charlie Hayes says “The difference between an intellectual understanding and AWARENESS noticing itself is incredible “

I would ask Charlie. He may be able to provide clarification. He is speaking from beyond the little mind trying to grasp. It's called non dual understanding. Simple, but apparently not simple to come by.

"I am groping in the dark."

That's not a bad thing. It is your mind that feels in the dark. Your feelings may also be groping in the dark. So what is beyond these two? The unknown. Let the unknown become your friend. Peace can be found there.

Lastly, consider these words of the great Sufi poet, Rumi.

"Out beyond ideas of Wrongdoing and Right doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, and even the phrase 'each other' doesn't make any sense."
-Rumi, c. 532 A.D.

There is no "next step."

God bless.

No Forward, and No Reverse

2009-06-06T23:28:00.004-05:00

No forward, and no reverse means there is only now. When only now is important, that is where attention lies. If now requires something in the apparent future, then that is attended to. But it's really not in the future.

My memory is fading because the past is not important. Memory is fading because it has no meaning. In fact, so much of what I would have fought and died for, has lost its meaning.

Why? It appears to be because there is less and less of me. I cry, laugh, feel sad, even depressed, but it has no root. These feelings are not the be all and end all that they used to be.

To live in the world and not have the same sense of things as what I used to call normal, is difficult. It's difficult because of all the expectations. But when there is no belief in the expectations, when the underlying assumptions are all gone, one feels like an impostor, an actor, playing a game.

The term "egojis" was given by a hermit to all those he was avoiding. I understand. When egos are not taken as fact, when they are seen as unreal, having to put energy into responding drains one.

The will seems to be pulled out from under one, and one does what needs to be done, only. Any more than that seems a waste. Much of normal human behavior seems a waste.

Loss of meaning has results. One can't get into looking at the past. That normal behavior is gone. When memory has no meaning, what becomes of old family pictures, graduation books, the stories you once believed?

When any meaning in the past goes, how to you relate to the rest of the world? You become tolerant or run screaming to a cave.

One's life becomes simply what do I want now, and what do I need now? No future. No plans, or as few as possible seems best. Energy for planning just isn't there. One somehow intuitively knows that if one is supposed to go somewhere, it will happen. More than that is just too difficult.

The shell of the ego is still there. It may be a structure without foundation, but like the human skeleton, the structure remains.

So, one has to deal with what is known as guilt. But it is a funny guilt, because it's more like a feeling of, "I should feel this way or that. I should have feelings about this or that." But this is just the dregs of past conditioning.

It's like being one thing for many years and then discovering that you are not that thing. That thing drops away and you are this other. And this other doesn't relate. The hold of the past, the story, holds no weight.

There is a sense of meaning, feelings, and ideas just dropping away. Not being forced away, but a seeing that just doesn't allow for holding them any longer.

Pangs of guilt occur about not caring anymore about things one used to care about. And there are consequences when others perceive one as off. But if they can't sense the loss you have experienced, they can't know. They are innocent, yet their expectations can't be met.

The many want you to be one of them, but in the end, there is only one.

Morality

2009-06-02T22:59:00.004-05:00

There really isn't any morality to This. Just love. If I was supposed to be in the heart of Africa saving starving children, I would be there. I haven't gotten that call, so I'm just here. Of course I could be tapped on the shoulder tomorrow to go, There really wouldn't be any choice about it would there?

The starving children aren't separate from this. I can't understand it. But I don't need to understand it, do I? I don't need to understand it to do something about it. Neither do I need to understand to not do anything about it.

This is pretty sad. But then again, it's the way it IS. And the way it is is not something I can do anything about. Unless I do. Apparently my place right now is not to. Why? I don't know.

I am where I am because that is the way it is. I can think about things and do nothing. Most of the time anyway. Sometimes I do something about what I think is wrong. But I don't know I'm going to do it until I do.

Morality is a fine thing for apparent persons. Especially when it's a morality that works.

Lording it over others with righteous arrogance isn't a very good morality, but it seems to be the norm. Pat yourself on the back.

I didn't know I was going to sit down and write about morality. It just happened. And I don't know anything about it anyway.

The Mystery

2009-06-02T22:52:00.004-05:00

I am the Mystery. But I don't know anything about it. As soon as I want to know more about it, I'm trying to step away from it, but I can't, because I am the Mystery. The Mystery and I are not separate, though I can feel that I am separate from it, and must remind myself that it is not the truth.

I am the Mystery, and any thought about it just deepens the Mystery. There is no mastery of this, only the end of searching.

I am the Mystery. Each apparent person writes a chapter or two of this Mystery. But the Mystery is never solved. It doesn't need to be solved. You could say it was already solved before you thought it was a Mystery.

I am the Mystery, and if I try and find the answer, it's only the mystery playing another round. There is nowhere to go. Nothing to find. Finding is already here, present and accounted for.

The Mystery is all there is. So what are you looking for? Really, you should just start laughing. It's really funny. You cant' find what's already here, can you?

There isn't really any mystery to it if you just accept the Mystery. Then it's just floating with it. Or really within it. Or really just It.

Silence

2009-05-11T18:56:00.000-05:00

This is just a note that my mind seems to have dropped into silence and nothing seems important enough to say. All is already OK as it is.

One Essence

2009-04-16T11:43:00.002-05:00

If there is only One, then choice or no choice, free will or no free will, has no ground. There is only this.

When you speak, I hear it over here. So where is the separation?

When I turn and see you, I experience the seeing here, so how can you be over there?

When I touch your body, I experience it in me. So where is the boundary?

Unconditional love is simply the recognition that all emanates from the One Essence, expressing itself without judgment.

All that the apparent person can experience is nothing other than the One Essence experiencing a focal point.

Only the body mind sees good and bad. And there is nothing wrong with that. But it is a limitation!

Right and wrong have their place. It lets one protect the body. Remember that only the body, and the desire to keep and enjoy it, create right and wrong.

Right and wrong keeps culture intact and markets functioning. All to keep our bodies sheltered and fed. The mind is just a memory bank of how to do that.

But the mind gets stuck in its culture, in its milieu, and in protecting itself, comes to believe it is the only game in town.

There is nothing wrong with this self protection. There is nothing wrong with right or wrong. It's just a condition imposed by the body. A limitation, a contraction of the One.

Knowing this, one acknowledges right and wrong, but one also knows that it is not the truth of the One. Awareness knows no right or wrong. It is unconditional. It is always love.

I am Everywhere

2009-04-13T18:00:00.002-05:00

I am is everywhere, yet sometimes thinks it's this or that. All the personal work has its use in undoing conditioning.

First there was contraction, then openness. The yin and yang of experience.

We were before we thought, and are after thinking is done. Curiosity killed the cat, and curiosity took this one down as well. So what was the harm in thinking?

The true mind knows it's limits. The true mind knows something is beyond. The true mind knows it can relax and let things be. The rest is just play.

I was the one before I knew I was the one. So who was I when I thought I was someone? The One of course. Who else could I have been?

Personality thought it was the root, but turns out it wasn't. Resonance lead elsewhere.

When chaos and randomness fall into Being, nothing is left out of place.

The Liberated Mind

2009-04-12T21:01:00.003-05:00

What is the state or non state when seeking for deeper understanding is going on, but there is no one doing the seeking?

Who is doing the search for deeper understanding when there is no sense of someone doing the seeking?

When there is seeking, or non seeking, and in either case there is no one seeking, who is seeking? Is anyone seeking, or is this just the mind tripping along trying to understand, because it is it's nature to do so?

Does the mind, when liberated, go on seeking its limits, exploring the boundaries of its limitation? Can it actually enjoy this search for the boundary and limit of itself? Or is there something deeper, some wholeness, that enjoys the mind finding it's limit?

That is the sense here. There is not seeking for The Answer. But there is enjoyment of letting the mind play, watching the mind play. This mind thing likes to play with thought, likes to watch it soar and crash.

That is the sense here. That there is joy in creating a deeper facility through the mind with words, in order to describe the indescribable, to describe what is, with no one here.

It's just a game. The mind knows only so much. It knows that it is limited, but it still enjoys the push to see deeper, to describe more adeptly what cannot be captured.

So it is a game. The end is already assured, whether the mind gets a final answer or not. This character is playing the tune it hears, that it likes sometimes, and not others.

This character is playing the part of its conditioning, while knowing it is conditioned. It also knows that the character is only part of a painting. Yet what I am is the painting, and the wall, and the building, and the city, and the world, and the universe.

Bus Line Meditation

2009-04-11T18:52:00.001-05:00

ATA Bus line Meditation

I recall a conversation with a guru in which a student complained about wanting to meditate, but a car garage was below his flat, so there was constant noise. The guru told him to move.

Perhaps the guru had this guy figured out and wanted him to move out of the neighborhood so he wouldn't ask any more stupid questions. Easier to get him to move than throw him out.

For this one, the place I am most alone is riding the bus to work. There is no place that is quieter for me. But the bus is noisy, and there is banter among the talkers that congregate at the back.

No one has created a pattern of sitting next to me, and no one has decided I was the one they needed to talk to. Perhaps I have an aura that says, "Leave this guy alone."

So the bus ride to work is the best meditation time I have. Since I don't really know anyone, any judgments I have are surface only, they have no roots. The scenery I know by heart. Car lanes don't particularly inspire me to keep my eyes open.

I can read the paper on the bus before it starts to move, but once it gets going, reading is not very pleasant. I close my eyes, and begin to meditate. Before I experience two minutes passing, the thirty-five minute bus ride is over.

Meanwhile, during the lapse of time, I have traveled inside my body, pronounced it healthy, forgiven my fellow bus riders for being superficial, and blessed my enemies. By the time the bus stops downtown, I am forgiven. What a blessed way to begin the day.

Riding the bus has provided me more meditation time than anything I've ever tried. I don't like to sit and meditate at home. There was always something else I'd rather do, like get up and have some coffee.

So providence (the word for today) provided the bus; my personal vehicle just for meditation. I've begun to suspect though, that providence is efficient, because I've noticed a few others, head bowed, eyes closed, but not asleep. Perhaps they're praying the heart out too.