Fear on Realization

Realization does not always cause fear. Sometimes it's a relief. In my case it was gradual. I kept telling my teacher, "I feel like I'm dying." But it wasn't scary. It was just strange. It felt crazy, out of this world, but not scary. It felt like I had lost my mind, but nobody noticed.

I still had to eat and go to work, and I did. I didn't go around talking about dying, or loosing my mind. I had found out long before that the pursuit I was on, and the things I had discovered, were not discussed in polite company.

My favorite mantra at the time was, "The difference between a schizophrenic and a mystic is that a mystic knows when to keep his mouth shut." I practiced that. After all, the real guru is inside, and it speaks silently.

Perhaps I had read enough of the great sages and mystics to know that the dying was just a dissolution of the ego, and that in the end all would be well. So, I just went with the collapse and loss of identity.

It turned out well. The ego is just a tool. It falls into place. It steps aside and doesn't try to run the show. When it's no longer the top dog, things become peaceful, easy, spontaneous. That's my experience. 

Spring

Nothing wrong with the simple life. The mundane is full of wisdom and joy. Seeing the dandelions come up tells me it's Spring. I don't need the calendar.

Pride and Dignity

Pride comes before a fall, but dignity can be upheld even in degrading circumstances.

The Process of Recognition

Recognition or Realization is when one sees that one cannot possibly be a separate entity outside the ineffable essence that is all existence. This realization can be arrived at intellectually or experientially. Both are a form of knowledge. The experience of oneness or unity is a profound marker and is often life changing. However, the sense of unity usually passes and one is simply left with the knowledge "that this is so."

To me the witness is "the being awareness." In other words, the true witness is not a person, but impersonal consciousness. Awareness is the observer, no matter how personal an experience may be. Being awareness, outside of personhood, develops over time.

Yes, ultimately all is well and good, no matter how the person may feel at a given time. This knowledge lessens suffering. Identifying with awareness as opposed to the person also lessens suffering. There is also a sense that even though there appears to be personal choice, one knows that this is likely not the case. As Advaita says, "You are not doer." If this is so, feeling that one has choice is sort of irrelevant.

As awareness comes to the fore and ego recedes, the mind tends to quiet down. It need not be forced to do so. It will naturally subside. Who is left to defend when the person is surrendered to the Divine? 

Die Before You Die

I had a teacher who used to say "God is the only one you can give yourself to and get yourself back." This seems like a paradox, but it does point to the false nature of our ego self.

You see, we are not what we seem to be. We are not this body or mind, limited in so many ways; born into this world and discovering that we die. What do the sages advise? Die before you die! So true.

There is only one true death. It is when you see through the ephemeral nature of your ego self. It is the only separation between you and eternity. It is subtle to be sure. Unbelievably so. But worth the trouble. When you feel like you are dying, usually in bits and pieces. Hang on. The ineffable remains. That is why so many have said it feels like coming home.

So give yourself completely to God (not of any particular religion) and the veil will drop. The little self was never true. The illusion of a separate self dies. That is the death the sages speak of. Surrender is that door. It is the passageway to freedom. As Jesus said, "The truth will set you free."

Resonate

We need a teacher that resonates with our own heart. Then we know that the vibration is already in us. Then the teacher is just helping us open a door to it. When the door is fully open, it is our room, our presence, and the teacher is just a friend. 

Leaves Have Character

Can you picture man as leaves in the wind? Each leaf flutters and bounces in different ways. Each floats with a different character. But who notices the wind that moves all the leaves?