Longing

The "longing" is what drove me. There was always an intuition that something was missing. Something that was known was somehow lost. I never mistrusted the longing. It was real. If the longing wasn't a necessary experience we wouldn't have it. It persisted through every doubt. In the end, there is trust even in the unknown.

Afterthought

I am. Everything after that is an afterthought. 

Choicelss Awareness

We actually are choiceless awareness. Our ego can direct us to pay attention to this or that, and choiceless awareness presents us with whatever we have chosen. Our only mistake is thinking we are the chooser, and not the pure awareness that is the screen.