Sunday, October 31, 2021


I always felt there was more going on than I was aware of, more going on in the background than I could put my finger on. It was intuition pushing me into the unknown. How could I pull more from the underlying background? 

Since I didn't create myself, there had to be a transcendent factor that existed. The driving question was to understand that transcendent factor. After reading thousands of spiritual books and having had numerous mystical experiences, the bottom line appeared to be the simple fact of "awareness." If anything was universal to sentient beings, it was awareness. First it was awareness of the great other. Eventually I realized that the great other's awareness and my awareness were one. 

I can't explain why I feel so confident that awareness or consciousness is the eternal primordial condition. It just seems that an intelligent awareness had to be there for the big bang to occur. The principles of geometry, math, and physics had to be there before the big bang. These principles are not objects. They are mental. So for me the fundamentals of this universe are mental, and awareness is the knowing function of that primordial existence. Since awareness is also my fundamental nature I am also that eternal fundamental existence. That gives me peace. I don't really need to understand more than this

Saturday, October 23, 2021

Is Consciousness Fundamental

I've read pretty much everything J. Krishnamurti ever wrote. It was great stuff for unravelling my conditioning. I had a lot and it caused a lot of pain. Made me realize that the more out of touch with reality one is, the more one suffers. That's a generalization, of course, but overall, quite true. The deepest part of me kept intuiting that the level of mental anguish I had could not be normal or in line with what life was meant to be. I spent a lot of years in Gestalt therapy and did a lot of dreamwork. Came out the other side pretty freed up. Well worth my time and effort. 

Now, when I read J. Krishnamurti, I get nothing from it. So, I conclude that JK is great for getting you to release your conditioning, but he does not point well to a path to enlightenment. Nisargadatta, Franklin Merrell-Wolff, and William Samuel are very exquisite at pointing out methods to subtler, higher levels of consciousness. I especially like William Samuel as his method is direct pointing to awareness as fundamental. 

As David Hawkins and others point out clearly, you can't prove the existence of God. Some of us feel it. Some of us don't. In the end each of us have to become an authority unto ourselves. If you think you've got the truth and you get fanatic about it, you probably are fooling yourself. But, if you have that self authority and humility at the same time, then I think you can trust it.

 So many sciences follow rigorous logic and the scientific method. Still, there are always some basic assumptions that are just fundamental. I think the issue of consciousness being fundamental is one of those basic assumptions. You either start from there or you don't. After that point, whatever follows is on a different track. There's no bridge between them. It's too fundamental. 

Friday, October 22, 2021

Being Awareness

I really don't see a bridge between those who believe the brain creates consciousness and those who believe the brain is in consciousness. These are really separate world views. It took me years of reading and contemplation to see that matter was just an appearance in consciousness, and to see that my body was too. My mind however is of the same essence as the creator as it is aware. So, at death it's only the body that goes. My essence is as eternal as the Absolute.

Wednesday, October 20, 2021

Dream of the One

"Treating everything as a dream liberates." ~ Nisargadatta. 

So many great sages have said this in so many ways. A great pointer. If everything in our life is a dream, who is the dreamer? That can only be the Source, the Absolute. That knowing awareness is our root. The root of everything. And we are That. It's really that simple. 

Tuesday, October 19, 2021

Being Awareness

I have a sense of self in a body and mind. But I also know I am not the doer. I'm a focal point of awareness. Donkey's have the same awareness I do, but my awareness goes through a human perception, while the donkey's awareness goes through a donkey lens. The pure aware beingness, aliveness, is the same. 

There is only one fundamental truth that we are sure of: that we exist. I equate that essence of knowing existence as the ground of Being. So I am one with that, and that is the doer. Meanwhile I play at being Maury.


Monday, October 18, 2021

QM & Lila

Anything anyone is aware of is subjective. Science is a method of trying to get the subjectivity out, or at least minimize it. We know how well that works. So we have peer review. But, the subjective is always fundamental. Schizophrenics have experiences that most of us don't think are real. So the problem becomes one of consensus. 

NDE's and Out of Body experiences seem to have a consensus among experiencers. I haven't had any of these, but I believe they are real. For me this is enough proof that consciousness is not local. Q Physics seems to be pointing out that everything is mental. I'm in agreement with them too. Ultimately it appears that this is a virtual world and all in God's mind. That would make everything subjective. All one mind's adventure. Lila as they say in the East.

Saturday, October 9, 2021

Images In Consciousness

For me, the idea that the universe is an appearance in consciousness seems plausible. A duality does appear in that there is inert matter and living organisms. A living organism has a sense of self (outside and inside) whereas a rock does not. An amoeba seeks that which is beneficial to maintaining its structure, while a rock does not. While everything appears in consciousness, living beings have self consciousness while inert matter does not. Yet the rock and living being arise in consciousness.

The essence of awareness is Godlike in that it is fundamental to our knowing and survival.  Awareness is where the feeling "I am" occurs. If everything is in consciousness why are some images self aware and some are not? I guess those of us with awareness need a playing field.  The gamer is still God.

Tuesday, October 5, 2021

The Ladder Analogy

Many sages have used the ladder analogy. You can  learn best from someone a rung above you on the ladder. Higher than that it is likely you won't understand what they are teaching. I found this to be true in my search.

In the end you have to become your own authority. I always had an intuitive sense of what was beneficial to me. I followed that intuition. I did not select a single path, but followed anything that resonated.

I devoured many teachers and moved on when I felt I understood. I studied with my intellect and followed my intuition. Yes, some teachers are at a much higher level of consciousness than others. I have come to understand that there is no final end point. There are many awakenings. Even those who we consider enlightened progress to deeper and more subtle understandings.

Follow what resonates with you. If you trust someone because they embody what you are seeking, ask them who they studied. Then test the teacher or teaching. Does it resonate with you? Does it give you a sense of truth, a sense of clarity? Remember, in the end, it is you who becomes the truth. Then there is no one to follow.

Sunday, October 3, 2021

You Are Not In Charge

The cure to anxiety seems to be the deliberate acceptance of life as it is. Bad things happen. Death comes. When what life entails is deeply accepted, then there is not much to be anxious about. Of course, this does not mean you don't feel empathy, or promote what you see as good. It just means you don't judge how life should be.You have your preferences, but you are not in charge.

Thursday, September 30, 2021

What Rumi Knew

 Rumi said, "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing & rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there." Ah, to be in that space has to be profound. It points to the Absolute that can neither be right nor wrong. Who is to judge what the Absolute is doing? Do you see this? Can you take it in? If you can, then you can be at peace with whatever is going on. 

It doesn't mean we don't do the next right thing. It doesn't mean we persons don't have preferences. But we are talking about ultimate truth, beyond relativity. In the Absolute there is no right or wrong. There is no freedom or bondage. There is no lie. When we know this we play our role willingly, peacefully. It's a surrender because we know the truth.

Existence Is Awareness

The one thing you can't deny is that you exist. That sense of existence is pure awareness. That is what you are! Not a thing, not a person, just awareness. This knowing gives peace. 

You don't have to contemplate nothingness. No matter how insubstantial everything is, there remains existence. 

Awareness is not personal, but it does experince the personal. Once this distinction is known deeply your true eternal existence provides peace. Sat Chit Ananda.

Step Out Of The Map

A great expression is "The map is not the territory." People fall in love with the map. They get all tangled up in the markers and names. The map is so helpful that fall in love with it and forget to put it down and experience the territory itself. 

Religion is a path for connection to God. But people fall in love with their religion and fight wars over the diffeerences. They forget that all roads lead to Rome. When you've crossed the river you don't have to carry the boat wherever you go. 

What do you need to carry when you know you are That? 

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

Consciousness Is Fundamental

It is simply obvious to me that all  arguments,  words, concepts, and gestures appear in consciousness. Where else could they appear? 

All the feelings conveyed and experienced in conversation, feelings of agreement or disagreement, all appear in consciousness only. Nothing we know or experience can appear anywhere else. 

Without consciousness, no discussion of what is true or false could occur. Imagining anything outside consciousness can only be imagined in consciousness. Isn't it absolutely and utterly obvious that consciousness is fundamental? It is inconceivable until it becomes obvious.

Saturday, August 28, 2021


The "longing" is what drove me. There was always an intuition that something was missing. Something that was known was somehow lost. I never mistrusted the longing. It was real. If the longing wasn't a necessary experience we wouldn't have it. It persisted through every doubt. In the end, there is trust even in the unknown.

Saturday, August 21, 2021


I am. Everything after that is an afterthought. 

Tuesday, August 10, 2021

Choicelss Awareness

We actually are choiceless awareness. Our ego can direct us to pay attention to this or that, and choiceless awareness presents us with whatever we have chosen. Our only mistake is thinking we are the chooser, and not the pure awareness that is the screen.

Thursday, July 15, 2021

Realization Is Just The Beginning

Realization does not immediately create a complete lack of suffering. Realization is just that. A realization. It doesn't take away your feelings, your personality, your unconscious motives.

Realization is an opening into deeper seeing. It is an addition to what you know. It does not destroy proclivities or attitudes of long standing.

There is more work to do after realization. What you have is a new position to see from. A new perspective with which to view life and examine attitudes. In time, yes, suffering will diminish. It will diminish as situations, reactions and perspectives are re-examined in the light of realization. Realization is not an end point. It is the beginning of the possibility of real change.

Wednesday, June 30, 2021

Get Rid of the Ego

Rather than try and get rid of the ego, simply contemplate and examine the truth of what we are. When we go deep enough, and realize the Self, the quiet mind is a natural result. Trying to get rid of the ego is mistaking the result for the prescription.


There is great humility in admitting that which we may find not perfect in our person. Exposed, it only deepens our knowledge or our true Self. But that person is not who we are. We are, despite our despair, the perfect expression of what is. 

Wednesday, May 26, 2021

The Experience of No Self

During several years of therapy my ego defenses lessened. As pieces fell away, my perception of myself had less firm ground. Even the world around me changed as projection stopped. My mind was intrigued by this loss of definition. Openness to not knowing increased, although it took time to acclimate. 

In the openness there seemed to be little of me while at the same time the rest of the world seemed to become me. This is when I came upon the literature of "no self." The most detailed account of this was penned by a former nun, Bernadette Roberts who wrote "The Experience of No Self." 

I did not read that book as, "Oh this is a nice or interesting concept." No, it gave me comfort in that someone else described it and gave it incredible detail. My point is that the experience is real. The concepts and writing about it are simply description. 

When you look at the experience of "no self" it comes to the same conclusion as the Eastern statements that "You are not the doer." One is an intellectual statement. The other is the experience.