Saturday, May 10, 2008

Who Am I To Judge

I find myself in a body here. But where did I come from? Did I make myself? Did I create the air this body needs? Do I know how I digest my food? Can I prevent my heart from breaking? Where is my control? My design? We all know that we are here, but do we really know why, or how we got here?

About the only thing I can claim as my own are my thoughts, right? But can I even control them? Or am I just witness to the passing stream of them. Where was the choosing? And when I get caught up in them, don't they run me?

Did we choose to fall in love? Or does love happen to us? Do we manufacture love? Choose it? Or are we chosen? Do we chose to become seekers? Or does seeking just happen?

We are the result of some grand design, and we are really not in a position to judge. We did not create our bodies, did not choose our sex, our parents, our day of birth. There is a grandeur to us when we humbly accept our true position.

It takes great pride, a great leap of incredulity to proclaim, "I am the captain of my ship. I am the master of my fate." Such a position is a fantasy, a mirage. Perhaps it takes time to become aware of our true position. Perhaps this is why wisdom only comes with age. It takes time to see that we are not in control.

It takes courage to accept one's true position. It is only with great honesty, and the courage to really look, that we actually admit, that in fact, we are not in charge. To take on this humility is the first step towards enlightenment.

But what a giant step this is. With this step we actually begin to look beyond our desires, our dreams, our hopes, and look at what actually is. In looking at what actually is, we have to give up the chip we've been carrying, the pedestal we have been standing on. Our ego's claims don't hold water any more. Our presumptions lie shattered. We're free!

Yes, freedom is in the truth, the ACTUALITY! There is great freedom in not being the master, the man, the one in charge. There is great freedom in not being the one responsible, in not being the guilty one. The freedom of innocence. And that innocence is the release from suffering.

And knowing this, I cannot claim enlightenment. I cannot be enlightened. I would have to claim personhood, claim my personality, claim responsibility and guilt. No, this is impersonal. The impersonal Self reigns, not I. Freedom trumps again. Hallelujah!

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