Realization may be great for the relief of the great existential questions and internal stress, but it may not relieve the issues you have with other people, especially those close to you that depend on you. Although realization changes your perspective, it does not change theirs. This fact alone may create issues, especially with ones closest to you.
When the great "Who am I" question is answered, much of relative life and its pursuits lose their meaning. Motivation regarding such goals drop like extra baggage. They are no longer required for your happiness, but those around you, not experiencing the great relief, may find your lack of motivation to be a disaster, a loss of what it takes to make life worth living: chasing experience, getting things done, getting things, the pursuit of happiness.
When you have a sense of completeness, of wholeness, and any moment is as good as the next, where is the motivation for the pursuit of anything? You are no longer looking for "new and different." Now is good enough. The moment you are having is perfect as it is. You don't ask "What's next?"
While this is wonderful for you, those who have depended on you to share their pursuits will find you lacking, may find you lazy, no fun anymore. When you have lost the wanting of more things, a bigger house, a newer car, more money, you are no longer on their team. They may turn on you, not understanding where their partner in pursuit of things got lost.
How do you explain to someone you are already complete? That there is nothing more you need to do to feel okay? This perspective is yours, not theirs, and unless they realize, they will not understand. You may be told you are no longer helpful, understanding, or living in the real world. Try telling them the world they are in is a zero sum game and you're not in it. It doesn't go over well.
Others will not understand what happened to you. They will feel they have lost you. They have, but how do you tell them that you also lost yourself? How do you tell them you are no longer the personal so and so, but are the impersonal Self?
There is a moral hazard to realization. You may have found peace, but those around you may find you frustrating, indifferent, unattached. And you are.
2 comments:
Hello, I discovered your conversation on BATGAP recently and decided to follow you up on your blog. This post really spoke to me because this lack of motivation has accompanied me for most of my life and sometimes I struggle with a sense of guilt. I wouldn't say that I'm "enlightened", but since I can remember I keep constantly coming back to the question of "Who am I?". Even when I was little I remember lying in bed with my eyes open and wondering about my true nature. And when I allow myself to really dwell on this question, the pursuit of happiness starts chipping away. I remember my mother telling me over and over again "be more aggressive". She would tell me the story of two mice who fell into a bottle of milk; one mouse decided that she couldn't be saved and let herself drown, while the other mouse started quickly moving her feet in the milk to stay afloat, and by doing so she created a small piece of butter on which she could float. So I've been trying to quickly move my feet for many, many years, but sometimes I feel like I can't fake it anymore and I let go. I've refused jobs that paid well but that I knew were not for me, I've dropped out of PhD because the subject didn't interest me anymore and I was tired of faking it. I've always felt guilty of moving with the flow while others around me were pushing their feelings down to fit into the box. Its difficult to say what is the best tactic in our society today, in a certain sense my mother was probably right, but when we're seeking the Truth it starts getting harder and harder to fake anything.
I can relate to your post. I too refused jobs in management as I needed free time without interruptions. I too quit graduate school when I felt it was not feeding my soul. Having the question of "Who am I," is fundamental to realization. It's a difficult question and can a lifetime to answer. Few if any can answer that question without some help, guidance, from others who traveled the path before.
Unfortunately one has to drop what the outside world (so called "normal") and it's values to pay attention to your self. I kept working because I had to eat but I used every spare minute to reflect and ponder the question I couldn't let go of. It is your life and you can't let the world tell you that the rat race is the only solution. It isn't. Thanks for commenting. You'll do just fine. Maury
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