Some people get a spiritual seeking urge that they do not seem to be in control of. It is always an intuition that something deeper needs to be known. I had many ecstatic and mystical experiences. They were the most profound experiences I ever had. But, they didn't make me feel enlightened, or awake. They were more like messages that could not be ignored. Experiences are, I think, just half of the equation. The other half is that the intellect has to work through all its beliefs and conditions that the experiences invalidate.
It was just a late night quiet reading of Robert Wolff's book, "Living Originally" where at a certain point I said to myself, "I know that I know." This is a paradoxical statement in that there are two I's. It seems that Awareness as Source and the individual person recognize the oneness at once. That's the best I can state this.
Yes, coming to the end of the search is a big relief. The unrelenting pressure to search stops. But, since this is the most profound pursuit a person can have, the rest of one's life will likely be filled with simple curiosity about the trip, how other people experience it, and interpret it. I no longer feel the goad of the search, but am endlessly curious about the process in anyone who is caught in it, or their descriptions of the end of the search and its aftermath.
The end of the pressure to search is not the end of the road. There are endless refinements that will be seen to need attention, more subtle insights, and efforts to live the insights. Non duality is the ultimate condition, but the individual appearance, or focal point, has its own contribution to the whole.
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