Transcendence

I always felt there was more going on than I was aware of, more going on in the background than I could put my finger on. It was intuition pushing me into the unknown. How could I pull more from the underlying background? 

Since I didn't create myself, there had to be a transcendent factor that existed. The driving question was to understand that transcendent factor. After reading thousands of spiritual books and having had numerous mystical experiences, the bottom line appeared to be the simple fact of "awareness." If anything was universal to sentient beings, it was awareness. First it was awareness of the great other. Eventually I realized that the great other's awareness and my awareness were one. 

I can't explain why I feel so confident that awareness or consciousness is the eternal primordial condition. It just seems that an intelligent awareness had to be there for the big bang to occur. The principles of geometry, math, and physics had to be there before the big bang. These principles are not objects. They are mental. So for me the fundamentals of this universe are mental, and awareness is the knowing function of that primordial existence. Since awareness is also my fundamental nature I am also that eternal fundamental existence. That gives me peace. I don't really need to understand more than this