Sunday, July 11, 2010

Only a Story to Tell

I've been playing around with an autobiography of my childhood.  I wrote it in a fit of passion, feeling that it was important. That was forty years ago. It doesn't seem so important now. More of a curiosity.

Its been hanging around my desk like an old dish rag. Like old furniture -- should I throw it out? Is it of any use? Shall I just play with it! Yes, to play with it seems best.

I have no big purpose in working on it now, other than play, and simple curiosity.  A curiosity to look back on my childhood. To look for clues as to what made me such a seeker after truth. A curiosity as to whether it would be entertaining to others to read.

Making it public on a blog just seems like more fun. Will it interest anyone? Do they care that it is full of typos? Will readers care enough to point them out? Perhaps I will get some good suggestions on how to improve it.

Putting it out on a blog doesn't seem very personal. Is it really my story anyhow? Is the story about me? Or, is it just a story -- a story of a body mind, privy to this particular appearance?

The feeling here is that it is just a story. It is not my story, because I know I am not a body, nor a particular mind. It's just that awareness is here, and knows this story.

The blog is called "heart of darkness revisited." Here: In blog form I can get comments, a plus, but the book is backwards, as the latest chapter is up front. Oh, well, readers will figure that out. Being anal, and wanting chapters in order, I also put them on a google site as well, But the site doesn't take comments, as far as i can tell, so if you have any, leave them on the blog.  Enjoy!

What's to Watch?

A few random thoughts do come into awareness now and then. Mostly they are the dregs from the long spiritual search. They are thoughts, such as, is there anything more for me to do? Anything more for me to search for? They don't carry much weight. So that's a good thing. Like I said, they are dregs from the bottom of the barrel.

A sample random thought might be: Should I watch my thoughts? Yet, I don't see how I could watch my thoughts as there are so few anymore -- mostly related to whatever task I am doing in the moment. Nothing intrusive. Not much left but to do, but be, responding to the moment.

Enough Already

We can talk about subtle refinements that relate to understanding non duality till the cows come and the dog is asleep. However, at some point, even the subtleties of non duality become trivial banter.

When there is wonder -- looking at the rain, a flower, a puppy, and you have no answers, is that not enough? When you feel the intelligence, the love, the incredibleness of it all, what more do you need?

Do you need an answer? Does wonder have an answer? Does awareness of the all pervasive intelligence need an answer?

What questions arise now? What need is there? What more could you search for? Is there anything else you need to know?