Once one has experienced meaning without content, without concept, it's hard to ever mistrust again. For when one experiences the authority with which that meaning comes, there is no possibility of questioning it.
This meaning without thought, without content, causes no conflict with any other position because it contains all other positions. It is not a meaning attached to this or that.
To be sure, it was an experience. It has passed like all experiences, good or bad. But, the lingering taste of that knowledge stays with me, though it is now background.
There is only gratitude here for having had that experience. For in those brief moments, the whole universe was laid bare. Bare of concepts, bare of content, bare of specifics. But it was full of meaning.
Funny, but I can not tell you what the meaning was, other than saying ALL IS MEANINGFUL. Not this or that, for all content was gone, except for This -- All That Is.
As far as the human experience goes, it was a very rough time after having a number of such experiences, for after they were gone, life as it is lived, seemed barren, empty, meaningless.
It was a long time before this one was able to adjust -- to let go of comparing the experience of that, with this, the ordinary. But the knowledge remains that the ordinary is in This.
So now there is gratitude for the experience, but there is no wishing for, attachment too, or holding on to that. For to cling, to desire for the return of that, is to invite suffering.
But, I can live with the knowing that was given in that experience. I don't have to demand that this bodymind remain in any state, even bliss. It is enough to have had it. It is enough to know that there is a grandness to all this, though I may not be aware of it now. Or ever again.
What state I am in is irrelevant. For there is a grander scheme than this little "I." And though there is just the wonder of every day, and mostly peace, there is the knowing that all is well, forever now.
2 comments:
'Meaning without concept' is an apt description, Maury, for what my mind interprets as 'what never changes'. Both these phrases (and many others), point to Mystery that totally defies description. As you say, IT comes with authority that can't be doubted.
I also went through a similar process as you, understanding THIS as an experience that passed, like all experiences -- and wanting more -- and suffering as a result.
Over a period of several years, it has become increasingly obvious to me, that this subtle, subtle Quality is not an experience at all. IT is the very Ground of being/not-being (neither existing nor not existing) of which I am not a separate entity. It is like the hum of my computer that is always there, in the background, whenever I am typing. This hum appears to come and go, only because my attention to 'this ground of awareness' wanders.
For me, Ground resides not only in memory, but in Itself as an all pervasive is-ness, irrespective of what state of peace or agitation I happen to be in, anytime I care to look and see. THIS is like a rock, a clear diamond-hard matrix that holds changing forms (including me) in an iron grip of stillness, while allowing every form complete freedom to move around and be itself (stone girl dancing).
I wouldn't describe THIS as "meaning without 'content'" because trees and trash and cars and people and me are still seen, yet more transparently so (so to speak), than when I look at the world through filters of belief.
THIS is seen not just with physical eyes, but with every cell of the body, especially the heart, and seems to be looking back!
Thanks for the opportunity to try and describe IT, so everywhere, so subtle, like a fish in clear water
Good comment, Ron. I agree that some of these things are very difficult to put in words. I feel that I am successful when someone responds.
Your mention of something in the heart, "rock" solid reminds me of a similar experience, or noticing.
I was going through a painful divorce, and was moving from security into the unknown.
At the peak of the insecurity, I felt a very solid, rock like, center in the middle of my chest. I did not know what it was, but the rock hard, solid, strength of it was absolute. Once the knowing of it was made clear, and I knew it was there, the sense of it left.
Haven't thought of that in years. Thanks for bringing back the memory.
Maury
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