The Experience of No Self

During several years of therapy my ego defenses lessened. As pieces fell away, my perception of myself had less firm ground. Even the world around me changed as projection stopped. My mind was intrigued by this loss of definition. Openness to not knowing increased, although it took time to acclimate. 

In the openness there seemed to be little of me while at the same time the rest of the world seemed to become me. This is when I came upon the literature of "no self." The most detailed account of this was penned by a former nun, Bernadette Roberts who wrote "The Experience of No Self." 

I did not read that book as, "Oh this is a nice or interesting concept." No, it gave me comfort in that someone else described it and gave it incredible detail. My point is that the experience is real. The concepts and writing about it are simply description. 

When you look at the experience of "no self" it comes to the same conclusion as the Eastern statements that "You are not the doer." One is an intellectual statement. The other is the experience.

Are You The Doer

If the person only knows himself as a body/mind separate from everything else, they feel like a doer. If they realize they are in essence, ultimately, the Absolute, the Creator, Brahman, whatever name you like, then there is only one, so the person can't be the doer.

On the other hand, identifying with Source you are the doer. It depends on where your identity rests. Identifying as Source one is a lot closer to free will. But then again, there is no alternate to the Absolute, so there isn't even the possibility of freedom or bondage. It's beyond that. It's limitless Isness, being and doing all That is.

Awareness Is

Awareness is the field of potential knowing. When something appears in the field, consciousness arises. Meta consciousness is a further refinement of consciousness in that "you know that you know." Awareness is the field in which both consciousness and meta consciousness appear.

You might say that enlightenment is when meta consciousness begins to pay attention to that which allows all experience to be known. That knower is Awareness. Identifying as that awareness pretty much stops the search. 

Trusting

The knowing of God or a higher power, provides a shoulder to lean on. If you don't have that, then you have to take on those responsibilities. Some sensitive people then take on the "I have to save the world," complex. This really is too big a burden. You can't do it. 

But, if you have the knowing of the Absolute, and know that it is in charge, that it created the world as it is, then you can relax. Then you can take God's perspective and know that the world is perfect as it is. 

Yes, there can still be progress. But it goes from perfection to perfection. Life is never less than perfect whether we know why or not. We don't have the whole answer, but we can trust. This trust will give you peace.

Is Realization Necessary

In my pursuit of enlightenment I came to a paradox. I realized that I didn't need to feel enlightened because whether I felt realized or not, I was unavoidably That. This is a paradox because I felt a need, a driving force, to understand enlightenment. And yet I had the counter intuitive thought that it wasn't necessary because I was That. I was what I was looking for! 

This seems to point to the fact that some part of me knew I was That, while another part was in denial. Perhaps we all know deep inside that we are in essence That which is existence. It is our mind that wants assurance. The realization seems to be when the mind comes into agreement with the intuition. That is, when we know that we know. 

Your Life Has Beautiful Meaning

Whenever my life felt meaningless there was always a disgust at that feeling. Why would that be? It seems that the natural revulsion we experience is due to the meaningless being untrue. Our deepest nature is telling us that we are seeing something wrong. If there is a "natural" state, it is not meaninglessness. 

I do not always experience beauty. But I got an insight into this after an ecstatic mystical experience. I could not stay in the ecstasy because there was no "me" there. As the ecstasy faded, I got a direct input of truth. An inner perception gave me this pronouncement. "You are always surrounded by absolute beauty, always have been, and always will be, whether you are aware of it or not." 

That notification was a direct message about the truth of existence. It is Absolute beauty whether we recognize it or not. When I see beauty I am grateful. When I don't see beauty, I know it is still there. 

The Inner Door

The door to our spirit, to our eternal life is not out there. Out there we will only find pointers. And out there, the pointers are few and far between. The door is inside, where we don't look. It is like the back door we never use. We even forget that it is there. 

There is only one thing we can't deny; it is that we exist, that we are aware. This awareness is the "I am" that was given to Moses, and the "I am" that Jesus spoke of. He said, "I am is the way the truth and the life." He was referring to the "I am" of each of us. The one eye that looks from all creatures. Not Jesus the man. 

The back door is where we finally have to look. It is the inside door. We must have great confidence to open the inner door. Without that confidence, we must be brought to our knees in suffering to finally open it. 

The inner door must be opened for the true light to get in. The world's light is but a dim reflection. We spend our life looking under the lamppost when the sun is just beyond the inner door. Let us be confident and open that inner 'back door' before we suffer too much. Peace.  

Deeper Truth

When you hold on to a basic idea that is wrong, that does not conform to reality, then denial of other aspects of reality must occur to protect the original belief. One then becomes further removed from reality and conflicts and arise which cause anxiety.

Basic assumptions must be examined periodically as a way to eliminate the confusion and anxiety that arise when a basic assumption is wrong.

On what basic idea or assumption does your security rest? Is it correct? Is it valid? It is certainly a good question to ask, especially since much of what we believe are unexamined assumptions passed down to us from our parents and culture.

Yes, it is hard to do this. It may engender insecurity for a time, since your current psychological security rests on them. But it is worth the effort.

Alan Watts made the great pronouncement of "The wisdom of insecurity." If you take on the basic insecurity that rests at the bottom of your psyche, you may just find deeper ground from which to bring fresh fruit.

Grace With Loss

You know you have found grace when a great loss occurs and you can say, "God, I'm okay with that." When you can accept that loss without resentment you have somehow transcended this mortal realm. 

First There Is Seeking

First there is seeking and with that the dark night which can last days or years. But, at some point the seeking stops. Why? Because when trust sets in the way becomes effortless. It doesn't mean that further progress does not occur, but that it comes as a flow you go with. No struggle. No resistance.

The Teacher

The teacher should treat you like a friend. That's key. A true teacher knows that any student is 100% the Self, just as he or she is. There can be no superiority in that. The friend simply has knowledge the other doesn't have. That knowledge correctly shared does not come with superiority or requests for servitude. The teacher only has the authority of knowledge and understanding. He or she is due respect for that, but nothing else.

The End of Seeking

You have to take a journey because you are seeking. I did many years of searching and seeking truth. Enjoyed every minute of it. Difficulties were gateways. As Cohen said, "The crack is what lets the light in."

The end of seeking happened. I was what I was seeking. If I hadn't been a seeker I would never have come to know that. Peace comes when you know that you know, and you know what you don't know doesn't matter.

The Subjective I

The subjective "I" seems universal to me. I have it, my wife has it, my dog has it. Donkeys have it. So, can this Maury expression claim "awareness" is just mine? In a sense, yes, because the expression is unique in its particulars. 

On the other hand, I sense the subjective awareness in others, unique, yes, but the same basic subjective sense of "I". For me, seeing that this sense appears universal, and I just arrived here with it, something else is responsible for it. I'm just living out this particular instance. Whatever is the origin and what to call it is another matter. 

I seem to have lost my sense of doership. It's a bit scary. There's much to be acknowledged as "unknown." But that's okay. It's seems rather peaceful to be done with having to perfect an ego. Not that I don't have a personal sense of "I", but it just seems rather insignificant. I just enjoy what is when I can, and suffer the slings and arrows when I can't.

Deep Relaxation

 We don't have to search for some big experience to prove to ourselves that we arrived somewhere. Coming to see our true nature may happen over time. The realization that "I know I know" just might be a simple "Aha moment." A deep relaxation may be your big realization.

The Absolute and Its Function

Awareness is the function of the Absolute. As objects are known they become conscious objects to awareness. Beingness is the felt presence of awareness experienced as I Amness.

Religion vs Spirituality

You ask, what is the difference between spirituality and religion? The difference is, spirituality can take from any religion, from all, or none. Religion is a particular package of beliefs. 

Liberation Is A Dead End

For me, time is simply the recognition of change. Change happens. Measuring it is time. We measure time as in the sun rising and setting. We put that change on a watch and call it twenty-four hours. We only know the time has changed because the hand moves.

To me enlightenment is not being in a state of bliss or happiness. There is no need to chase bliss. Being here is okay. It's enough. The character is still here, but something is watching it. And the character knows it is that awareness, and not the character. Liberation is like a dead end. It doesn't need to go anywhere. 

Doing the Absolute

Once I realized "I am That;" in essence The Absolute, I realized that my life was full of meaning, whether I understood it or not. It is doing what it is doing, and I am part of that doing. So, I can just live my life relaxed in a known unknown.

Truth and Theology

We have truth, and then we have theology. Big difference. A theology can point to truth or not. Most of it is bullshit. I come from a long line of Christian ministers, theologians and seminary presidents. I know the prejudices of theology. 

I have nothing against the intellect. It is a useful tool. But when theology is based on false assumptions, all the intellectual endeavor after that failure is nonsense. That is why the mystics say "We have to become as children."It seems to me that the intellect has to confirm the heart, or intuition, not try to get the heart to conform to the intellect. This is why most theology goes off track, becomes useless and dry. The mystics of all religions kick off the dregs of tradition and get to the heart of it. Most theologians are trying to fit the heart into a system they've adopted. Therefore most of it is not helpful.

You can feel the overly intellectual and convoluted justifications in most theology. Compare theology to Meister Eckhart, J. Krishnamurti, or Christ. They spoke simply. There is more subtlety in their simple words than theology's convoluted complexity.

It is fruitless to try and explain the mystic sensibility to academy. They are two different worlds. You will be frustrated your whole life trying to make headway in their world. They will never understand the mystic.

What is the place of the heart and intuition in relationship to the intellect? I gave up on graduate school in the education department because of the intellectualism. Kids will get educated if they are loved, not because of the correct educational theory. Same difference when it comes to truth and religion, truth and theology.

"Truth is something so noble that if God could turn aside from it, I could keep the truth and let God go."  ~ Meister Eckhart: A Modern Translation (1941) by Raymond Bernard Blakney, p. 240

I Is Presence

There is one ultimate "I", the subject. That I-ness is borrowed by every form of life from the microbe to the human being. The sense of presence is the "I". Whatever form or identity you take, that "I" is always the same, though it is filtered through the form it embodies.