Experience and Understanding

Spiritual experiences are like data, or information, but without deep inquiry and contemplation there is no knowledge or understanding. "Spiritual experiences are not trophies," ~Anne Sweet. Settling for a bunch of experiences, is close to being a pin up poster. We must go beyond experience and extract the meaning, the truth of our being, and all it's implications. We study till we become our own authority. Freedom is when we can leave the teachers behind. 

We were given a heart and a mind. Spiritual people tend to denigrate one or the other, but both need to be satisfied. Wisdom does not arrive with an experience or two. The mind has it's part to play, even the part where it knows its limits. When the mind and heart are both satisfied, the personality can relax into Being. 

Of course, actualization, embodiment, walking the understanding, is a continuing story. 

Born In The Tiger's Mouth

I was born with my head "in the tiger's mouth." From early childhood what passed for truth and satisfied most people, did not satisfy me. A deep soul itch craved an answer. Raised in the Christian tradition, I could not buy the theology. So the search was on. The Christian mystics, on the other hand, seemed to have a deeper understanding of God, and it was not confined to the standard accepted theology. 

In reading the Upanishads, the Indian sages seemed so Christlike, but their interpretation of God seemed much more scientific, abstract, and not based on belief. This discovery was profound for me, and touched that deeper part of my soul seeking satisfaction. From J. Krishnamurti, to Aurobindo, to Ramana, and Nisargadatta, I devoured it all. Compared to the Eastern sages, only the Christian and Muslim mystics seemed to be at a level that salved the itch. 

Knowledge is power. Experience was not enough for me, although ecstatic and profound experiences did occur. Extracting the understanding from those experiences is what I call 'realization.' Intuition drove me, but the intellect was not satisfied until there was understanding underpinned with the mystical experiences that felt more real than anything else I had experienced. 

 

All of the above is to try and explain how there seemed to be 'no choice.' I was born with a search already intact. It drove me to explore and risk my sanity to know a deeper truth. I don't feel there was choice in that matter. Since I had read so many mystics and sages, I was well prepared for any leaps that needed to be taken. I already knew that any leap would be unsettling, even making me question my own sanity. This knowledge was such that when it came time to let go and just be That, it did not feel like any choice at all. It was what needed to be done. A lifetime had pointed to this. The leap was obvious, and from my point of view, rational. 

It is paradoxical. Just as it takes one to know one, the sages seem to speak from a different domain. And they are. The point of view of the Self has a viewpoint beyond the personal. I personally do not feel we have free will. But as soon as you take on the identity of Self, there is only complete freedom, beyond the concepts of free will. 

My choice was not seen in 'retrospect.' A trajectory was there from birth. Any choice was beside the point. It was not a personal choice. It has to be the will of God or it would not happen to anyone. When the truth that I am awareness itself was seen, what choice was there? It was just a fact to be accepted. If it was personal, why would they call it grace? 

The Path To Silence

The silence so often spoken of by sages is not something that can be forced, or practiced. It is the natural result of dropping into pure awareness. Both the Jnani and the Bhakti can come to this natural silence. It's not a matter of a particular religion, but does result from the pursuit of truth or unconditional love.

The silence arrives on its own without effort. Yet effort is required in one's search for truth or unconditional love. Since all religions are a path to truth and love, it matters not which one conditioned you. Just go deeper. Trust your intuition, and pursue these two until your heart and mind are satisfied. Then you will know the silence. 

You Are The Knower

In the game hide and seek, the players are known, but they hide from each other. Only in hiding can the game be played. The absolute does the same thing. Without hiding itself, there is no game to play (Lila) and no discoveries to be made. So the formless manifests in form and the observer becomes the observed.

So the limitless becomes the limited by creating form. Without the hidden, the limited, there is no game. Form and limitation were needed for there to be space time. Without form only the absolute is.

The truest spirituality is discovery. Even creativity is a discovery process. Discovery can only be non dogmatic, otherwise the game is over. No answer can diminish the infinite.

Paradox is a big part of the play (Lila). We are an apparent person, yet in essence Self. Apparently separate, but in essence one. It seems we can say in all humility "I am Brahman," because to know this, negates our egoic superiority as an individual.

We can find peace and the end of seeking in knowing I am That. But that does not end our curiosity or love of exploration and discovery. You can know you are the knower, and yet not know everything.

A Simple Love Song

Seems like songs are mostly about love. Love found. Love lost. Come back. Get lost. It's a yo yo, a roller coaster ride. Nothing ever stays the same.

Except, one thing. Awareness.

Behind all the scenes, the ups and downs, the constant is awareness. The mountains, the valleys, the skies and the ocean, where do they appear? In the constant shinning light of awareness.

The love of awareness is constant. Whatever appears is loved. No judgment follows. No guilt in awareness. It sees what it sees; that's all.

There is no other to awareness, so where could loneliness arise? Only in ignorance, the sages say. A simple mistake corrected by a simple realization. You are not an object, a human, a person, but awareness itself. Simple knowledge.

Awareness is all there is. How could you be separate? A simple knowledge so hard to realize. You are knocking from the inside, said Rumi. A perfect metaphor. 

Hate The Sin But Not The Sinner

For all the teachings about about not judging and not hating there are just as many that say don't sin, and don't cast pearls before swine, hate the sin but not the sinner. Discernment is a cherished method of realization and that is a judgment function. These statements about not judging are better understood if you use the phrase "don't condemn." A realized person would see a wrong, (therefore a judgment), yet not condemn the sinner, (love him anyway). Discernment is absolutely necessary. Making judgments is necessary. But It is not necessary to hate the sinner. Realization is seeing the innocence of the sinner. On realization one sees all as equal; one essence. The realized make judgments. They just don't condemn. Nisargadatta says, "The sinner and saint are just exchanging notes." Discernment but no condemnation. The final realization is that I don't condemn myself either. No matter what I've done, I'm as innocent as a flower. I am love itself. There is no separation between me and That.

Discover Awareness

Have you discovered that you are not a who, but a what. I am, you will find out, is pure awareness without content. Obviously not a person.

The reason we can ask "Who am I?" is because at some fundamental level we know that our essence is not a person. But, you will notice, the person does have a relationship with the I am. The two are one with apparent separation. What a wonderful trip.

Discover The Truth

Meaning is like the discoveries in science. We don't create meaning, we discover it. The truth was present before you were born and will be there after you're gone. So just relax, fall into yourself and see what's there.

So much goal orientation is mental gymnastics, orchestrated to make the ego feel like it's got somewhere to go. The truth is already here, present and accounted for. Let go and drop into it. It has only to to be discovered.

Love Itself

Love has nothing to do with others. There is only one love, and it's you. When the self loves the Self the whole creation becomes love itself. There was never another, it just seemed so. When this becomes obvious love is not hard to find. It was you all along.

Lost and Found

God loves the lost as well as the found, but only the found know the cost. 

Every Life Is In Service To The Whole

It seems apparent to me that "every life is in service to the whole" because life, existence, is one interrelated whole. Individual forms exist, but they are not self created and owe their being to the supreme. The creator made the forms and choreographed the dance.

When we acknowledge the creator, we follow the dance. Those who do not acknowledge the creator feel separate, alone, on their own, and need to grab their share.

There is only one dance, and it is in honor of the creator. Those who honor the creator know they are a part of the whole and work to find where they can contribute. They know the whole has their regard as well. Those who don't know this are fighting on their own with no knowledge of support.

False Assumptions Are Deadly

Can you really be happy if you are out of touch with reality? Same for truth. To deal with a situation you have to know the facts of the situation. This is why beliefs and assumptions can be extremely dangerous. You can build beautiful castles in the sky on false premises. But they will not last. They come tumbling down with the next storm.

I have known extremely intelligent thinkers with powers of logic that plow lesser minds into the dust. They usually win intellectual battles, but they lose the war. No matter how pristine their logic, the precision of their thinking, if it is based on a false assumption or two,  winning a battle is of no avail.

A much simpler mind that is willing to look at its assumptions, that is willing to challenge its beliefs, has a much better chance of having a successful life. Their house is built on rock, while the great mind that failed to challenge their beliefs, built their house on sand. That house will not stand.

Every life is in service to the whole. Some know it, some do not. Those who know it live a life of gratitude full of reward. Those who don't, live a life of clutch and grab, stressful to the end.

You Are The Authority

Some of us have an innate intuition that guides us. I always trusted mine and it served me well. If a book, teacher or guide doesn't resonate, go another direction. If it does resonate, go for it, but keep discernment front and center. You can learn from others, but put no head above your own.

All Is Well

I'm a good loner, so I'm in my element. Since the Covid-19 stay at home order, I've installed a bamboo floor in my office. Fixed a plugged kitchen drain, and installed a new garbage disposal. It's time well spent. It's like Zen for me. When I do manual labor (I did this with no help) it's like meditation. Nothing goes on in my mind but the task at hand. I'm pretty sore right now, but the jobs are done.

Tomorrow I plant my tomatoes and maybe watch my garden grow. I don't really have the ability to panic, and I'm not feeling stressed. I do my best to console some relatives who think it's the end of the world. But all is well. I do know that.

Unique Aloneness

In your absolute unique aloneness you are one with everyone. From alone to alone to alone, one. I got a sense of this one very cold winter day. I was looking out the window feeling very alone. I saw a squirrel hopping across the snow and then up a tree. I thought, he is so alone, no one cares whether he lives or dies. In that moment my alone and his were one. There was no separation.

Awareness As Identify

Obviously the creator is doer of all things. The point is, the creator in itself is not affected. So, if you identify as the creator you get to enjoy the world in all its glory with security and peace. The essence of the creator in life is simple awareness. It is the field in which we play. 

Truth and Beauty

I was intrigued with enlightenment, not because it was cool, but because it was beyond what was typically known. Truth is what was behind my seeking.

Beauty and truth walk hand in hand. When you see beauty you see essence. Beauty like presence is everywhere but usually unseen. 

Tripped Up On The Road to Enlightenment

When the seeker trips and fall on the road to enlightenment, he just might call it grace. Every seeker needs to trip and fall. A good big crack in the skull just might to the trick. As Leonard Cohen wrote, "it's the crack that lets the light in." A nice fall might just put the seeker out of his misery. A hard enough fall opens to a new light and the seeker is dead.

The Forgotten Journey

Who is our master? Are we ourselves, masters of our fate? Or have we simply discovered ourselves here, at odds with a world we did not create.

Do we parlay with the existentialist? Lending our disparate words to journals of despair? Or do we play with the materialists? He who dies with the most toys wins.

Are we as innocent as we proclaim? Or are we up to something. Have we hidden something from ourselves just to make the game more fun?

There appear to be choices, but if we did not create ourselves, these choices only feel like choices. They cannot be real! And freedom, expounded with flaunting zeal, is hollow as the grave.

And what of all our individual purposes, if we are but a small part in a big universe? Are we not dependent on our brother, and he on us?

And yet, intuitively we know that there is some purpose, uniquely ours to do. There seems to be a Being assignment, an itch we need to scratch.

Some few among the many feel this itch more profoundly, more deeply, more searingly. We, the seekers, are willing to drive ourselves nuts, seeking high and low for a knowing lost.

We drive ourselves mad, even long after our friends have told us so, and left. Isn't all our seeking due to this intuitive itch, this craving, this drive to know?

We cannot justify it to your friends, much less ourselves, yet we continue on. Hasn't this intuitive knowing informed us all our lives?

We curse it, yet continue on. Our heads are in the tiger's mouth. Where is our free will now?

Have we come here trailing clouds of glory, and Karma too? And so we chose this journey, agreeing to forget the reason why. But the forgetting is a thorn. We know we have forgotten something.

This, our crown of thorns, the search for something we forgot. The clues are few, and the search is costly. We even loose ourselves in the process.

A sense of eternity is in here somewhere. Could we but put our fingers on it we could relax. And so we claw and scratch, and point. Sometimes we follow, and then we abandon.

Perhaps the soul has been here before? Perhaps many times. If we are eternal, it may not be otherwise. Somewhere the game is known. We have known it. We want to know it again.

We journey on, knowing that the unknowing knows, whether we can put our finger on it or not.

I Never Got Anywhere

I'm not getting anywhere, 

and I'm not going anywhere, 

for you see I'm all ready here. 

I never went anywhere, 

and I never got anywhere, 

because I was always right here. 

The Self was always here, 

and I never noticed, 

go figure. 

So can I be proud, 

of all the fruitless effort, 

squandered all over town? 

To find myself, 

when I wasn't really lost;

such a fool. 

So here I am, 

having never left, 

or gone anywhere but here.