Not a Victim of the Drama

I know from subjective experience that all is one. However, having experienced the truth of that, does not necessarily allow me to live in that space all the time.

In fact, while in that space I became aware that I couldn't live in that space and function in the world "as it is." There was no me in that space. At the time of this awareness I had small children. Who would take care of them if I was in a state of non functional bliss?

The state of that subjective experience came numerous times, and I had to hold back from doing what seemed instinctive: hug the neighbors, help the old cross the street.

Everyone was Me. If I had acted from that impulse, I would never even get to work.

Having experienced that, knowing that, here I am in the purgatory of this as it is. Is this so bad? No. The drama plays on. This that I experience as my personal self still feels, reacts, holds positions, gets angry, carries resentments.

While I know that ultimately I am not the little self, a personal self, there is still the experience of it. There is no point in rejecting it. God's will is in operation, is it not?

There are more advanced souls than I, who can perhaps, maintain subjective Oneness, and still function in this world. Not I. Though I am no less One than they. Perhaps they are further along the road. Same path, same Oneness, just at a different point.

The deck of cards doesn't arbitrarily give me cards that I can't handle. I have asked for the hand. For, in seeking purity, one gets the "Everything that's not pure hand" dealt. It provides the opportunity to see the remaining impurities up close. Hence the drama.

My only task is to partake willingly of the drama, without resentment, without claiming to be a victim, without complaining. I must acknowledge the drama as mine. Mine to look at, mine to work through. What an opportunity!

I do not wish I was more enlightened. There is just this journey. Where I am is exactly where I should be. The crap I have to deal with is my own. If I choose the higher road, the choices will change, the scenery will improve. If I don't, the hand will still be dealt, the hand will still be played.

Accepting the drama of where I am. Looking at it. Dealing with it, as it is, is the only game in town. This is it.

Be what it may, this is where I am, where I deserve to be. I am OK with it All, as it is. There is an eternity to work it through. The pace I am at is the perfect pace. It is all I am capable of. OK. OK. OK.