Friday, October 20, 2017

A Born Jnani

I was born a Janna yogi. As far back as I can remember I was always wanting to know why? How? I wanted to understand. This wasn't some wonderful thing. I was always in trouble for questioning what I heard. I wasn't opposed to authority, I just wanted them to be true to the knowledge.

I had an itch for truth that I scratched till I bled. Most of my life I considered this absolute, unwavering search, a curse. It prevented me from living the assumptions I found all around me. The constant search made me an outsider, an inward dweller. 

I didn't like prayer, or meditation, or symbols. But I was contemplative. There was always some abstract something behind the veil that was calling. That was my curse. And I literally told people that I was cursed because the search was not a pastime. It was life or death.

You might say I had a quest for knowledge. I read voraciously. I made progress. I could feel it, but the veil was still there. Who was I? How did this work? What was real?

It all boiled down to the fact that I was ignorant of something my very soul needed. Some profound instinct had hold of me. There was something I needed to understand. Yet I could not name it.

Enlightenment I heard of, and I pursued it. But there was a boatload of crap to wade through. When I discovered Advaita Vedanta, and it informed me that I had a knowledge problem, it was hallelujah for me! I was what I was looking for, Awareness itself.

Since I was a born jnani this knowledge was nirvana. It was the healing of the itch. The end of the search. I still don't meditate and symbols don't do much for me. But understanding is all. And bless the teachers. I never would have figured this out.  

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