You Are The Authority

Some of us have an innate intuition that guides us. I always trusted mine and it served me well. If a book, teacher or guide doesn't resonate, go another direction. If it does resonate, go for it, but keep discernment front and center. You can learn from others, but put no head above your own.

All Is Well

I'm a good loner, so I'm in my element. Since the Covid-19 stay at home order, I've installed a bamboo floor in my office. Fixed a plugged kitchen drain, and installed a new garbage disposal. It's time well spent. It's like Zen for me. When I do manual labor (I did this with no help) it's like meditation. Nothing goes on in my mind but the task at hand. I'm pretty sore right now, but the jobs are done.

Tomorrow I plant my tomatoes and maybe watch my garden grow. I don't really have the ability to panic, and I'm not feeling stressed. I do my best to console some relatives who think it's the end of the world. But all is well. I do know that.

Unique Aloneness

In your absolute unique aloneness you are one with everyone. From alone to alone to alone, one. I got a sense of this one very cold winter day. I was looking out the window feeling very alone. I saw a squirrel hopping across the snow and then up a tree. I thought, he is so alone, no one cares whether he lives or dies. In that moment my alone and his were one. There was no separation.

Awareness As Identify

Obviously the creator is doer of all things. The point is, the creator in itself is not affected. So, if you identify as the creator you get to enjoy the world in all its glory with security and peace. The essence of the creator in life is simple awareness. It is the field in which we play. 

Truth and Beauty

I was intrigued with enlightenment, not because it was cool, but because it was beyond what was typically known. Truth is what was behind my seeking.

Beauty and truth walk hand in hand. When you see beauty you see essence. Beauty like presence is everywhere but usually unseen. 

Tripped Up On The Road to Enlightenment

When the seeker trips and fall on the road to enlightenment, he just might call it grace. Every seeker needs to trip and fall. A good big crack in the skull just might to the trick. As Leonard Cohen wrote, "it's the crack that lets the light in." A nice fall might just put the seeker out of his misery. A hard enough fall opens to a new light and the seeker is dead.

The Forgotten Journey

Who is our master? Are we ourselves, masters of our fate? Or have we simply discovered ourselves here, at odds with a world we did not create.

Do we parlay with the existentialist? Lending our disparate words to journals of despair? Or do we play with the materialists? He who dies with the most toys wins.

Are we as innocent as we proclaim? Or are we up to something. Have we hidden something from ourselves just to make the game more fun?

There appear to be choices, but if we did not create ourselves, these choices only feel like choices. They cannot be real! And freedom, expounded with flaunting zeal, is hollow as the grave.

And what of all our individual purposes, if we are but a small part in a big universe? Are we not dependent on our brother, and he on us?

And yet, intuitively we know that there is some purpose, uniquely ours to do. There seems to be a Being assignment, an itch we need to scratch.

Some few among the many feel this itch more profoundly, more deeply, more searingly. We, the seekers, are willing to drive ourselves nuts, seeking high and low for a knowing lost.

We drive ourselves mad, even long after our friends have told us so, and left. Isn't all our seeking due to this intuitive itch, this craving, this drive to know?

We cannot justify it to your friends, much less ourselves, yet we continue on. Hasn't this intuitive knowing informed us all our lives?

We curse it, yet continue on. Our heads are in the tiger's mouth. Where is our free will now?

Have we come here trailing clouds of glory, and Karma too? And so we chose this journey, agreeing to forget the reason why. But the forgetting is a thorn. We know we have forgotten something.

This, our crown of thorns, the search for something we forgot. The clues are few, and the search is costly. We even loose ourselves in the process.

A sense of eternity is in here somewhere. Could we but put our fingers on it we could relax. And so we claw and scratch, and point. Sometimes we follow, and then we abandon.

Perhaps the soul has been here before? Perhaps many times. If we are eternal, it may not be otherwise. Somewhere the game is known. We have known it. We want to know it again.

We journey on, knowing that the unknowing knows, whether we can put our finger on it or not.

I Never Got Anywhere

I'm not getting anywhere, 

and I'm not going anywhere, 

for you see I'm all ready here. 

I never went anywhere, 

and I never got anywhere, 

because I was always right here. 

The Self was always here, 

and I never noticed, 

go figure. 

So can I be proud, 

of all the fruitless effort, 

squandered all over town? 

To find myself, 

when I wasn't really lost;

such a fool. 

So here I am, 

having never left, 

or gone anywhere but here. 

Simplicity and Trust

Have you ever noticed that simplicity and trust go hand in hand? For example, in a relationship, if you trust the other person and they trust you, life can be navigated very simply. But if trust is lacking, things get very complicated. Think about it. You will see that it is so.

The same relationship is in operation between the self and the Self. When you give up trying to out think God, or the universe, and accept that there is no choice but to trust the process, your life gets much simpler. A peace descends because you are not fighting what is.

Now, this doesn't mean that you forsake discernment. You are still required to make decisions, make a living, do what needs to be done, but, the decisions become easier, and often spontaneous. Why, because there is trust that the universe is doing what it knows best. You do not judge it, but take what is deemed bad, or evil, in stride, trusting that a purpose is in play.

You know your piece of the pie, but may not know the big picture. If you trust that the big picture knows what it is doing: that it is good, then what choice do you have to make? Life becomes peaceful and easy. Trust is the relationship that abides between self and Self. That's enlightenment.

When Do You Know You Are Enlightened?

Don't seek enlightenment because you think it would be cool. Don't seek it because you think it might make you special. Enlightenment will take all your specialness away. Seek only because you can't help seeking. If the seeking seems to come from your bones, then go ahead and seek. For sure, be more interested in truth than enlightenment

How will you know when you've arrived? There are so many takes on what enlightenment is, which definition will claim you've arrived? What teacher will tell you that you made the grade? Will the teacher's affirmation make it so?

Everyone is unique. There is not one path to enlightenment, but many, and the varieties of awakening are endless. Seek the truth rather than enlightenment. The truth always satisfies. It is only you who will know that your seeking has ended. It will be only you who will know you know. So be open, be honest, and the truth will set you free.

Fear on Realization

Realization does not always cause fear. Sometimes it's a relief. In my case it was gradual. I kept telling my teacher, "I feel like I'm dying." But it wasn't scary. It was just strange. It felt crazy, out of this world, but not scary. It felt like I had lost my mind, but nobody noticed.

I still had to eat and go to work, and I did. I didn't go around talking about dying, or loosing my mind. I had found out long before that the pursuit I was on, and the things I had discovered, were not discussed in polite company.

My favorite mantra at the time was, "The difference between a schizophrenic and a mystic is that a mystic knows when to keep his mouth shut." I practiced that. After all, the real guru is inside, and it speaks silently.

Perhaps I had read enough of the great sages and mystics to know that the dying was just a dissolution of the ego, and that in the end all would be well. So, I just went with the collapse and loss of identity.

It turned out well. The ego is just a tool. It falls into place. It steps aside and doesn't try to run the show. When it's no longer the top dog, things become peaceful, easy, spontaneous. That's my experience. 

Spring

Nothing wrong with the simple life. The mundane is full of wisdom and joy. Seeing the dandelions come up tells me it's Spring. I don't need the calendar.

Pride and Dignity

Pride comes before a fall, but dignity can be upheld even in degrading circumstances.

The Process of Recognition

Recognition or Realization is when one sees that one cannot possibly be a separate entity outside the ineffable essence that is all existence. This realization can be arrived at intellectually or experientially. Both are a form of knowledge. The experience of oneness or unity is a profound marker and is often life changing. However, the sense of unity usually passes and one is simply left with the knowledge "that this is so."

To me the witness is "the being awareness." In other words, the true witness is not a person, but impersonal consciousness. Awareness is the observer, no matter how personal an experience may be. Being awareness, outside of personhood, develops over time.

Yes, ultimately all is well and good, no matter how the person may feel at a given time. This knowledge lessens suffering. Identifying with awareness as opposed to the person also lessens suffering. There is also a sense that even though there appears to be personal choice, one knows that this is likely not the case. As Advaita says, "You are not doer." If this is so, feeling that one has choice is sort of irrelevant.

As awareness comes to the fore and ego recedes, the mind tends to quiet down. It need not be forced to do so. It will naturally subside. Who is left to defend when the person is surrendered to the Divine? 

Die Before You Die

I had a teacher who used to say "God is the only one you can give yourself to and get yourself back." This seems like a paradox, but it does point to the false nature of our ego self.

You see, we are not what we seem to be. We are not this body or mind, limited in so many ways; born into this world and discovering that we die. What do the sages advise? Die before you die! So true.

There is only one true death. It is when you see through the ephemeral nature of your ego self. It is the only separation between you and eternity. It is subtle to be sure. Unbelievably so. But worth the trouble. When you feel like you are dying, usually in bits and pieces. Hang on. The ineffable remains. That is why so many have said it feels like coming home.

So give yourself completely to God (not of any particular religion) and the veil will drop. The little self was never true. The illusion of a separate self dies. That is the death the sages speak of. Surrender is that door. It is the passageway to freedom. As Jesus said, "The truth will set you free."

Resonate

We need a teacher that resonates with our own heart. Then we know that the vibration is already in us. Then the teacher is just helping us open a door to it. When the door is fully open, it is our room, our presence, and the teacher is just a friend. 

Leaves Have Character

Can you picture man as leaves in the wind? Each leaf flutters and bounces in different ways. Each floats with a different character. But who notices the wind that moves all the leaves? 

Live and let God

Since we didn't create ourselves, the Absolute is the doer. When you realize the Absolute as your true identify there is no question of free will or not. The Absolute does what it wills and there is no question of bondage or freedom. Meaning comes from being That.

I don't worry about what is the meaning of life. Since the The Absolute created all this, it must be getting something out of it. I don't know what the purpose of this life is, but it's not my problem. I just live my life as best I can; as morally as I can, and that's it. If the Absolute wants me to do something, it will happen. It's peaceful living this way. It's sort of confirmation of the phrase, "Live and let God." 

The Atman is Your Guide

Since we all have the Atman inside, truth will resonate if we are listening. It may be the "still small voice" against the trials and tribulations of the world, but it is there. With this in mind, listen to any teacher or guru that resonates, but keep in mind that the ultimate discernment lies within.

A teacher may be the greatest teacher on earth for a month or years, but you may outgrow the teacher. It does happen. When the teacher no longer resonates, seek out another, or go deeper inside. If you put someone above you, do it tentatively. Complete surrender can be a disaster if the teacher is on an ego trip.

The Atman is our own and it bestows upon us a liberty that gives us sovereignty. Albert Einstein gave a speech in which he riffed on the importance of individual liberty. He gave the speech on October 3, 1933 at the Royal Albert Hall in London. In it he said,

"We are concerned not merely with the technical problem of securing and maintaining peace, but also with the important task of education and enlightenment. Without such freedom there would have been no Shakespeare, no Goethe, no Newton, no Faraday, no Pasteur, and no Lister. Today,the questions which concern us are: How can we save mankind and its spiritual acquisitions of which we are the heirs? How can we save Europe from a new disaster?”

Einstein reminded the audience to keep clearly in mind what is ultimately at stake: "individual liberty."

If we listen to our inner voice, that Atman, we can trust ourselves to discern the lying fake gurus. Only follow that which resonates. David Hawkins calls spiritual teachers who purposefully mislead "Spiritual Rapists." Those are harsh words, but the spiritual seeker is the most precious of students, and they should have the best on offer. 

Just Be

The ego doesn't need to be dissolved or beaten up. If you are not the doer, who cares what the ego is thinking? The story is there, the ego is there, but you are the aliveness behind it all. The mind or ego doesn't need to understand it to be alive. So just be.